Triple H is supposed to fight Big Vis next, but Ric Flair attacks HHH on his way down the ramp and the match never takes place. Too bad too, as this is a match I'm sure people have been praying for late at night. I know I have. After Naitch and Hunter are separated, Flair throws his shoe into the crowd, before asking them to put him in a cage match at Taboo Tuesday. Wooo!

woo102405.jpg
"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty apes! Wooo!"

Back in the parking lot, we see JBL's limo pull up. And JBL actually gets out! Bischoff runs out with security to tell JBL he's not welcome at RAW, while Edge, Lita and Chris Masters are standing in the middle of the ring talking to JBL via the TitanTron. Edge asks JBL if he's curious why Edge attacked Rey Mysterio on SmackDown! last week and not him. Even if he's not curious, Edge tells him. Seems nobody cares about JBL. Mysterio's the bigger star of the two. (Considering Mysterio's 4'9" in heels, that's saying a lot.) And that's why Edge brought the MasterPiece with him to slap on the MasterLock when he was done. Yeah, it makes no sense to me either. "But don't get your cowboy hat in an uproar," Edge tells him. "At Taboo Tuesday there's going to be a RAW versus SmackDown! match." And the fans get to decide who from SmackDown! will be competing. Will it be Matt Hardy? ("I didn't know they could invent another match for me to beat him in," says Edge.) Rey Mysterio? (Lita congratulates Rey for being the inspriration behind SmackDown!'s new midget junior division.) Christian? (Edge says his old buddy will be the only one to receive fewer votes than Matt Hardy.) Hardcore Holly? (Masters is worried that because Hardcore dyes his hair blond and wears spandex, he might be gay. Has Masters never seen a pro wrestling match before?) Or JBL?

JBL taunts Masters into coming out back and trying to put the MasterLock on him. Of course, once Masters gets out there, he's told he just fell for the oldest trick in the book, as Rey Mysterio sneaks in the ring and takes out both Edge and Lita.

The polls are open! The polls are open! The polls are open!

Next we're "treated" to a "match" between Mickey James and Victoria. Even if all this match was supposed to do is set up the voting for Taboo Tuesday, it still sucked.

After the break, Vince McMahon comes out and tells the crowd he doesn't like it when they second-guess his family's decisions. Like the decision to fire JR, for example. Still, Vince always knew the fans in Fresno were full of crap. Just like good old JR. In fact, he tells them if God wanted to give the USA an enema, he'd start right there in Fresno. At that, the crowd starts calling Vince an asshole, which he uses as a segue to the video he's about to show. Seems whenever a WWE superstar is having surgery, they send in the cameras. JR's colon surgery was no exception. As Vince says, "our cameras were there when they took out a foot of JR's bowels from his body." He then warns us the following footage might be too graphic and disturbing for some. I only wish I'd taken his advice...


In the footage, Vince is dressed as Dr. Hiney. He's accompanied by Nurse Slobberknockers. And for the next ten minutes, he uses a variety of instruments (including a crowbar, jackhammer and the Jaws of Life) to pull the following items out of JR's ass: a bottle of JR's BBQ sauce, a football, a pink stuffed owl, Mae Young's hand, a bag of goldfish, an Oklahoma Sooners helmet, a Stone Cold sippy cup and a paper-mache model of JR's head. You know, cuz he has his head up his ass. To make matters worse, Vince ends the skit by banging Nurse Slobberknockers on the operating table.

This wasn't good. It wasn't funny. It was, however, enough to make me question whether I should ever watch RAW again.

Back in the ring, Vince tells the crowd that JR's condition must be contagious, because based on the reaction he received, each and every one of them must also have their head up their ass. And with that, Vince leaves the ring.

I Am JR's Colon. Sections:  1  |  2  |  3 

« TVgasm Hits the Red Carpet | Main | For Pete's Sake. »

Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 9:47 AM | | Comments (19)
Last Comment: Tony Shavonie on Nov 9, 2005 02:11 PM.

Comments (19)

Mike:

Worse, if possible. During the Rock/Stone Cold/NWO/Hollywood Hogan/Sting in the rafters/Degeneration-X/Goldberg/Monday Night Wars glory days of the late 90's, so many non-fans were converted that I wish I had a buck for everybody who ever said, "NOW I know why you watch this stuff" to me.

Alas, the "I can't believe you watch this crap" days are back. I'm as close to jumping off the train as I've ever been in three decades of fandom.

1 of 19 | Posted by Mike | Posted on October 27, 2005 10:33 AM

sg-dub:

WAAAAAAAH!

Get someone who loves RAW to recap RAW! WAAAAAAH!

/Desparate Housewives commenter

2 of 19 | Posted by sg-dub | Posted on October 27, 2005 10:56 AM

Eddie D:

The Vince/JR sugery skit...worst ever....i cant believe professionals actually wrote that...incredible.

I want some more matches and some actual wrestling....not 11 minutes like we got on RAW this week...PS vote for a verbal debate between austin and coach...that would be a slap in the face to WWE

3 of 19 | Posted by Eddie D | Posted on October 27, 2005 11:00 AM

ha!:

I don't watch this show (or any pro wrestling - it depresses me). But when I initially saw that first image of the doctor holding the paper mache head, I thought "So is this what Charles Kimbrough from 'Murphy Brown' is doing these days?"

Then I got more depressed. (Thank God it's not him)

ha!

4 of 19 | Posted by ha! | Posted on October 27, 2005 11:29 AM

Bobbie:

While "threw up a little in my mouth" is so old, I wonder if I could ever get tired of "crapped a little..." Yum; delicious dish!

5 of 19 | Posted by Bobbie | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:12 PM

joop:

this show blew like cabbage out of jr's colon

6 of 19 | Posted by joop | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:28 PM

America's Next Top Fan:

great recap. hate that i missed the show.

7 of 19 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on October 27, 2005 12:47 PM

Mullethead:

I stopped watching WWF in 1987...when I was 13. I am still glad about that decision. I read the recap cause I love your recaps, but shit, who watches wrestling?

LCD bullshit, and a nice NASCrap tie-in to boot. The US is fucked.

(By the way, don't think I'm elitist b/c I don't watch this trash...I watch plenty of other trash. I'm a Gasm addict for christ's sake. I watch ANTM and the Real World.)

8 of 19 | Posted by Mullethead | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:12 PM

J.R.'s diseased colon:

Well timed sweet chin music?! HBK completly missed Kane for fucks sake! If you want good wrestling watch TNA

9 of 19 | Posted by J.R.'s diseased colon | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:25 PM

J.R.'s diseased colon:

I actually think that Vince's skit was funny but it would of been awesome if Vince pulled a big 'ole ham out of J.R.'s ass and then Super Porky(of Smackdown's new division) came in grabbed it from Vince and took a big ass bite! Also the nurse was hot as hell!

10 of 19 | Posted by J.R.'s diseased colon | Posted on October 27, 2005 1:41 PM

copygodd:

wah indeed...

the well-timed kick hit the big show. the kick at kane was just a bit outside.

11 of 19 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:05 PM

realiTV fan:

Wow. It's like watching a trainwreck...only it wasn't a passenger train and nobody cares that it derailed. Nobody comes to clean it up or put it back on the tracks. Then it gets cancelled, only USA paid a lot of money to have it on the network so the train keeps on derailing.

Did I take that analogy too far? That's what it's like watching RAW. It went too far and it still wasn't funny.

12 of 19 | Posted by realiTV fan | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:32 PM

umad:

mullethead, stick to ANTM gramps, you know nothing about modern day wrestling.

13 of 19 | Posted by umad | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:39 PM

Jennifer T.:

I agree. It was so bad, even though I was watching it live, I kept trying to fastforward it. Even though I hated Cena as a punk bad guy, he is getting way too wussie as a good guy. Kane isn't scary anymore after the whole Leta thing. All of the bad guys are just losers and the good guys are pansies. Maybe I should try TNA.

14 of 19 | Posted by Jennifer T. | Posted on October 27, 2005 2:44 PM

Me:

Nurse Slobbernockers wow
Anyone know her real name ?

15 of 19 | Posted by Me | Posted on October 30, 2005 7:27 AM

Bruce Goldinger:

This is what happens when Vince and family get mor involved than they should and the creative staff decides to keep their mouths shut and keep their jobs when the boss says "Hey, I've got a great idea..."

16 of 19 | Posted by Bruce Goldinger | Posted on October 31, 2005 10:06 AM

DiosMuyBueno:

"Hello, pot? It's the kettle. You're black."

I actually laughed out loud because of that line. I love you.

17 of 19 | Posted by DiosMuyBueno | Posted on November 3, 2005 9:26 PM

OMGIactuallywatchRAW:

Holy crap I agree Hello,pot? It's the kettle, you're black....2FUNNY! As for RAW I grew up watching wrestling and quit watching in like "88". My "ex" actually got my son into watching it so I started,again. Its nothing like it used to be. Jennifer T is correct TNA is good. I will get up at 1am and record it for my son..........1am? whats that about??

18 of 19 | Posted by OMGIactuallywatchRAW | Posted on November 7, 2005 6:39 PM

Tony Shavonie:

I miss WCW good ole days, never knew what was going to happen on Nitro...Sh*t Vince McMahon could have showed up as an nWo Member!

19 of 19 | Posted by Tony Shavonie | Posted on November 9, 2005 2:11 PM

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