Testimonials

Ashley was named the 2005 RAW Diva Winner! While we'll never know for certain what put her over the top, I'm guessing it had something to do with her costume, seemingly made entirely of black electrician's tape and a newborn's funeral veil. Along with a $250,000 check, Ashley can now look forward to a few years of demeaning herself in public, not to mention the requisite Playboy spread (pun intended), before returning to her life on the pole. The losers, meanwhile, have already resumed asking their "fans" to tip them for their dances.

The Hurricane, a super-hero, took on Rob Conway, a super-zero, in tonight's winner of the "Most Meaningless Match" competition. The highlight of this bout had to be Coach's continuing flirtation with coming out of the closet, witnessed in the following exchange:
JR: Rob Conway thinks he's prettier than Staci Keebler.
Coach: He very well may be. And that rash on my chin is not from his testicles, in case you were wondering.
Okay, that last part was made up. Nobody was really wondering.

Finally, it was time for tonight's Main Event: Hulk Hogan versus Kurt Angle. This match was a result of the two wrestlers' confrontation last week over Kurt's treatment of the very special Eugene. As both of these guys have big matches coming up next week at SummerSlam (Hulk versus HBK and Angle versus Eugene), they both had messages to send to their respective opponents. Unfortunately, this meant the chances of this being a good match were about as slim as Cappy's chances of winning "America's Choice" last week. (Thanks TVgasm readers!)

Of course, this match more than lived down to the hype, with Hogan's entrance lasting longer than the actual fight, which ended when HBK interfered and took out the Hulkster, thus sending his final message of the night: Canada sucks.

Altogether, this turned out to be an evening of disappointments. Not only was the action less than stellar, but the evening's most anticipated match – Super Staci versus Victoria – never took place. I say it was the evening's most anticipated match because with the exception of midget wrestlers, few matches are more entertaining than those featuring women wrestlers. It's just too bad the WWE has never experimented with female midget wrestling. Can you imagine how much ass Charla from AR5 would kick? Her cousin Mirna could be her manager, and sneak a side of beef into the ring for Charla to throw at her opponent. To distract the ref from the meat shenanigans, Mirna could then develop a creepy fixation on the referee, as she did with Phil Keoghan. (The dude wears a ring for a reason, Mirna!)

Actually, now that I think about it, how cool would it be for Phil to be a WWE manager? His first match would have to be a "Pose-Off" with Johnny Fairplay. Until that day, we can only dream...

So, what did you think of tonight's episode? And what you expect from the upcoming SummerSlam PPV? Will Cena keep the title? Will Angle get his medal back? Will I even remember to watch it...?

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Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 8:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Last Comment: k@os on Aug 19, 2005 04:29 AM.