Cue Edge, who tells the crowded ring he's the only one with a guaranteed shot at the title. "Last week, I became a career killer," he adds. "The only thing you should be worried about is who'll turn up next to Matt Hardy in the unemployment line." Carlito then calls out Edge for not helping when SmackDown! attacked RAW last week. "All of us in this ring can't stand each other," he says. "But we can agree on two things. One, none of us would mind if McMahon fired you." Well, except for Edge, which kind of makes your logic not cool, Carlito. He continues: "And two, if anyone deserves to be the number one contender, it's Carlito." At that, everyone enjoys a hearty chuckle before John Cena's music hits.
No, you're fired. Bitch.
Rather than trying to recap Cena's delivery, I'll just post a transcript.
"HBK... I was scouting you heavy, cuz I know there's no one better. But you're a little too friendly, wearing chaps, chains and leather. Gold medal or not, Kurt Angle's going south. Forget your mouthpiece, I'll put my piece in your mouth. Big Show's a giant. He's enormous. I could think of a million other adjectives, but it's just a case of big things with small packages. Carlito, you ain't cool. You some Chia-pet putz. And instead of spittin' out apples, you should choking on deze nutz! Lita's a slut. Y'all should run the other way when you see her. I shook her hand last week, and she gave me gonorrhea. Edge, you claim you're money in the bank. Edge, you think you know me. Well, John Cena's like a pinwheel, so you can go ahead and blow me. You see the champ is here. And I never back down. I never quit. If I have to, I'll fight you all. Cuz I just don't give a shit."
And...scene.
As Coach says, it was entertaining, but we still don't know who's the number one contender. Or who's getting fired. My money's on Charles. That unlit cigar just screams tiny peepee.
During the break, general manager Eric Bischoff makes a six-man tag team match pitting HBK, Cena and Show against Angle, Edge and Carlito. You could've seen him make this match had you been watching the special RAW coverage at WWE.com during the break. They're really pushing their special online coverage hard tonight; I wonder how the companies that bought commercial time during their television broadcast feel about that...
2) Chris Masters defeats Tajiri with the MasterLock The Masterpiece comes out and prepares to pose for Coach. Before Coach can climax, however, Tajiri attacks Masters from behind. King says that Tajiri just ruined one of the best entrances in the WWE. "You mean the best entrance in the WWE," Coach corrects him. Unfortunately, that's about all the offense Tajiri can muster and Masters locks in the MasterLock for another easy victory.
Triple H is strutting backstage, but isn't getting the love he feels he deserves. HBK calls him out. Big Show promises that someday he'll get his. Cena tells him he lost respect for Hunter last week. To show how tough he is, Hunter beats up a random member of the crew.
On a side note, Triple H undoubtedly has the worst hair/facial hair combination in the WWE. Just because Motorhead does your theme music doesn't mean you have to emulate Lemmy's look. At least he doesn't have any moles. Yet.
The Ace of Spades!
The Game tells us it's none of our business why he beat up Flair last week. "It's between two best friends, me and Ric Flair." He then proceeds to spend the next 15-20 minutes telling us why he beat up Ric Flair last week. H-cubed used to worship Flair. He was thrilled when the Nature Boy came to RAW four years ago. Until he discovered Flair was but a shell of his former self. That's why he pulled Flair up and gave him back his heart. He let Flair sit at his right hand. "Basking in my glory, Ric Flair actually seemed to be great again," he says. But when HHH left, Flair became a joke. When HHH saw Carlito spit apples in Flair's face, he knew what he had to do. Wash his hair.
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Comments (13)
You just have to admire the business acumen of Vince McMahon. I mean, he's the only executive able to pull the good cop/bad cop routine playing both parts himself. He'll never be able to be sued for sexual harassment because he can pull out all the video of "Mr. McMahon" shoving his tongue down the WWE divas' throats and say, "My accuser is obviously confusing me with the 'character' I play on TV." Same deal with J.R., who apparently is actually getting canned in real life under ugly circumstances. Again, just stage a "firing" on TV and make it look like it's all part of the show. The man's an evil genius.
Or I'm a big-time mark. I rule out neither.
1 of 13 | Posted by Mike | Posted on October 11, 2005 12:09 PM
I thought Cabana segment was great. In situations like that with lots of guys in the ring like that you see them break character. Its funny how the camera always seems to catch it too. Like Big Show laughin and Carlito and HBK cracking smiles.
Linda McMahon's heel turn was pretty funny.
But now some questions...
Why is Shelton Benjamin not getting a push!? Hes stuck in that stupid Kerwin White angle, and it doesn't even get play every week!! And why do we get so few matches now a days with the same 10-12 guys involved?
Why
2 of 13 | Posted by Eddie D | Posted on October 11, 2005 12:59 PM
Vince has to pee!
3 of 13 | Posted by Jess | Posted on October 11, 2005 2:04 PM
i vote evil genius.
the cabana bit was fun. especially when big show started giggling at c-nah.
as for shelton, he's getting a raw deal. (no pun intended.) i don't know why he's stuck in that stupid racist storyline. he needs to get a bigger push. his match a few weeks back with angle was great.
4 of 13 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 11, 2005 4:41 PM
Holy Crap, is JR getting canned for real this time? If so that sucks cuz he is the best announcer of the 3. As for linda going heel she has been before so no surprise here.
I agree with Eddie D I don't get what they are doing with the characters they have on RAW right now... And when the hell is RVD coming back. We need a little excitement back in the show.
I've seen a bunch of old RAW superstars now on TNA. If WWE isn't careful TNA is gonna put them right back in the war Vince bought his way out of a few years back. TNA is pretty interesting and some pretty creative matches.
5 of 13 | Posted by norsegod | Posted on October 11, 2005 8:30 PM
copygodd - I haven't watched pro-wrestling in a long time, but I do remember that Steph had her fake rack since before she left for an extended time.
Is it just me or is there no reason to care about WWE anymore.... if there ever was a reason.
6 of 13 | Posted by realiTV fan | Posted on October 12, 2005 7:03 AM
i remember she had a boob job before she left, because jericho called her out on it on the jerichotron 2000. but i swear they've gotten even bigger since then.
i'm starting to think there isn't a reason to care anymore either. when i started writing these recaps, i was excited cuz it gave me an excuse to watch that the wife couldn't argue with. now i'm starting to think maybe she's right. this week's show only had four matches. and only one of them was worth watching. barely, at that. still, i'm on assigment, so what can i do...
7 of 13 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on October 12, 2005 8:13 AM
Linda McMahon sacked J.R funny. her leg was stiff or something.
im gonna miss J.R. he was the best announcer man thing.
8 of 13 | Posted by ashleyishot | Posted on October 14, 2005 10:36 AM
i look up to you linda you have expired me you wonderful talented when you kids or husband do something that would up set the fan you come out and i know it mean busines you went way out of line fireing jim ross and now you have came a coniving woman i'm just shock and the machmon family was a wonderful family until vince and that attitude stephanie anger and shane is still cool but Linda you are going to get what's coming to you it might be next week
9 of 13 | Posted by Juante Bowden | Posted on October 20, 2005 10:00 AM
I love to hang out with Jhon Cena for a day that has always been my dream to do that be there right beside hime do thing with and have fun with him that my wish and Linda i'm shock what you did to J.R you was the gratest woman on wwe you and stephanie until yall just got out of control
10 of 13 | Posted by Juante Flowers | Posted on October 20, 2005 10:10 AM
I think Vince should kiss JR's Ass. The McMahon's need to all suck on Stephine's BIG Balls! Mickey James has big ta-tas. Trish, Ashley, and Mickey James make a hot group.So do Candice and Torrie too, NOT Victoria she the uglyest Bitch I've ever seen.
11 of 13 | Posted by Manuel | Posted on October 21, 2005 2:59 PM
vince mcmann is a fat fuckin shit with a tiny pecker
12 of 13 | Posted by bob | Posted on October 25, 2005 8:31 AM
jr is better than the mcmann family and wtf was coach doin "oh dont touch her stone cold"
coach is such a looser
mcmanns r gay little fat fucks with no balls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13 of 13 | Posted by timmy | Posted on October 25, 2005 8:35 AM