(1) Shawn Michaels vs Carlito As soon as the match started, Carlito slapped HBK then spit an apple in his face. I like where this is headed. Both wrestlers trade chops before we're interrupted – again – by Technical Difficulties. When we get the picture back, Carlito is trying to pin Michaels. Of course, he couldn't do it. At one point, HBK attempts his patented jump up from a prone position move, only to throw his knee out. Joey Styles says if HBK goes down, "he's going down fighting." As opposed to Coach, who by the sounds of it would go down wearing nothing but a smile. Eventually, HBK delivers some Sweet Chin Music for the win.
Winner: Shawn Michaels via Pinfall.
Cool.
Backstage, Bischoff is pacing in the Leather Couch Room when Kurt Angle and his personal
Next we're treated to some pictures from last night's "Last Man Standing" match between Triple H and Ric Flair. You know it was super-bloody because most of the pictures are in black and white. HHH eventually won after taking Flair out with his sledgehammer. The announcers tell us the lesson from last night is that the sledgehammer is too much for any human being to withstand. I don't know, Sledge Hammer doesn't look all that tough to me.
Again we're with Bischoff in the Leather Couch Room. Maria comes in and asks if he thinks he'll be fired tonight. Eric can't believe she asked such a stupid question. When he finds out Shane McMahon put her up to it, he goes nuts and tells Maria she's going to wrestle Kurt Angle tonight. Why? Because he never wants to hear her ask another stupid question again. That and he likes seeing women get beat up by ex-Olympic athletes.
While Maria waits in the ring for Kurt to beat her ass, Daivari comes out and starts berating her. Chad Patton, the ref assigned to the match, tells Daivari to leave. At least that's what I think he said, as neither of the refs have a microphone. What follows can best be described as a Mime-Off between the two refs to see who'll get to call the match. Eventually, Chad punches Daivari, who acts like he's giving up and leaving. Of course, Daivari attacks him as soon as he turns his back, and eventually slaps him in the Camel Clutch. Way to make a positive Middle Eastern role model, WWE.
(2) Kurt Angle vs Maria As Kurt makes his way to the ring, the "You Suck" chants are bleeped out. Stupid. Kurt tells Maria he's a gentleman and won't wrestle a woman. All he wants is a hug. They embrace in the middle of the ring, when Kurt gets an evil look in his eyes and gives Maria an Angle Slam. This, of course, brings Young EmCena down to the ring to defend young Maria's honor, followed closely by Chris Masters to defend Angle's. Masters puts Cena in the MasterLock and Angle and Daivari start beating on Cena. Suddenly, Bischoff comes out on the ramp and orders them to stop. He says he's decided on a goal tonight, and that is to see John Cena tap out. So later it'll be John Cena defending his title against Kurt Angle and Chris Masters in a No-DQ, No Count-Out, No-Elimination, Triple Threat Submission Match.
And so, after one hour of RAW, we've seen exactly one real match.
(3) Trish Stratus, Mickie James and Ashley vs Candice Michelle, Victoria, Torrie Wilson and Torrie's dog Who'd have thought it would be possible to make gratuitous T&A boring? 
Mickie James, Trish's stalker, pins Vics with Trish's move, the Stratusfaction. Then she picks up Trish's belt and does Trish's pose. Coach says he can tell Trish is not happy. "I know women's reactions," he tells King, "and that isn't happy." Of course, Coach doesn't tell King he how knows what an unhappy woman looks like, but I think we can figure it out.
Winner: Team Stalker.
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Comments (9)
Great review, CG.
STF... WTF??
Weak ending. It would have been much more badass for Cena to get the "submission" by repeatedly bashing Masters with the chair to the point of unconsciousness.
Would've also been a good precursor to his inevitable heel turn.
1 of 9 | Posted by RD | Posted on November 30, 2005 1:56 PM
thanks.
i have no idea what the stf is. it would've made more sense if it were the stfu...
cena's gotta turn heel soon. i'm hoping that's what his 'lil show of aggression was all about last night.
2 of 9 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on November 30, 2005 9:17 PM
The STF is a Stepover Toehold Facelock. It originated in Japan and is fairly new as far as pro-wrestling finishing moves are concerned. Back in WCW, when Erik Watts (son of then-booker/WCW head honcho Cowboy Bill Watts) was using the STF as his finisher during his extremely unpopular "rookie superstar" push, the joke was that it stood for Success Through Father.
3 of 9 | Posted by Mike | Posted on December 1, 2005 5:20 AM
makes sense.
thanks for the info.
4 of 9 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on December 1, 2005 8:24 AM
Love the captions!
"cool."
5 of 9 | Posted by jess | Posted on December 1, 2005 12:50 PM
Uh, I beg to differ. Columbus is further away than "just down I-71 a bit." (142 miles to be exact.) And in Ohio, that's half the length of the state. It is worlds apart from skanky Cleveland. Get it right next time copygodd. :-)
6 of 9 | Posted by RealityTV4Me | Posted on December 1, 2005 1:58 PM
ah, it's just a quick two-hour drive, even with a stop for breakfast in mansfield.
and skanky? as compared to cbus? please. even though i was born and raised in columbus (graduated from THE ohio state university), i'm still a clevelander at heart. it's home to my beloved browns. all cbus has is the blue jackets. ugh.
but they're still heads and tails above that cesspool to the south: cincinnati. that place is so trashy we don't even consider it be part of the state. hell, even their airport is in kentucky!
7 of 9 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on December 1, 2005 2:15 PM
hell, even their airport is in kentucky
I never did understand why that was the case.
8 of 9 | Posted by J Unit
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Posted on December 1, 2005 4:05 PM
for the same reason they arrested their museum curator.
9 of 9 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on December 6, 2005 8:25 PM