Testimonials

So let's recap: Taboo Tuesday's match between Stone Cold and the Coach -- which was originally intended to decide whether JR gets his job back -- is now between Batista and Coach, with Goldust in Coach's corner? Could this get any worse? Wait, did someone say "Vader Time?" Yes, Vader comes down to the ring and helps Coach and Goldud beat up Batista. Looks like Vader is also going to be in the Coach's corner tomorrow night. Providing he recovers from the huge fall he took on his huge ass whilst getting out of the ring. (Hey, if there's one thing recapping RAW and The Biggest Loser has taught me, fat man falling on fat ass equals comedy gold, Jerry. Comedy gold!)

(3) Triple H defeats Viscera This match was supposed to take place last week, but was stopped before it even started when Flair jumped HHH on his way to the ring. Too bad he didn't do it again this week, as it would've saved me the trouble of seeing Triple H trying to stick Big Vis's head between his legs while setting him up for the Pedigree. Man, this is the scariest Halloween ever!

Todd Grisham as Will Ferrell as Harry Carey is back, and this time he has his sights set on interviewing John Cena. Cena thinks Grisham is dressed as Barbara Bush, or maybe Orville Redenbacher, or maybe Beethoven. Doesn't matter, because Cena, reflecting back on how his Vanilla Ice costume a couple years back gave him his big push, gives Todd the chance to show his stuff. Unfortunately, Todd's stuff consisted of the same Harry Carey impersonation Will Ferrell used to do on SNL back when he was still funny, prompting Cena to take the mike from Harry and deliver all his catchphrases. None of them get a pop from the audience. Do I smell trouble in Cenadise? Nope, just tonight's poopfest.

(4) The Big Show and Kane defeat The Heartthrobs in a Texas Tornado Match The Heartthrobs enter the ring first, dressed as Batman and Batman. Who'd've guessed being Robin was too gay for a couple of frosted midcard guys named Antonio and Romeo? This match quickly turned into a game of "Anything you can do I can do better" between Big Show and Kane, who win after a double choke slam and double pin.

Next up is the Diva Costume Contest. Ashley was Dark Angel. Maria was a regular angel. (King says he can't wait to get inside her pearly gates. Didn't Prince write that for Sheena Easton?) Candice was Catwoman. Victoria, a baseball player. Mickie James, the stalker, was dressed as Trish Stratus, her stalkee. Trish was Wonder Woman. Torrie Wilson, meanwhile, played a smart girl and skipped the whole contest.

King started the voting on who has the best costume. Almost immediately, Mickie berated the crowd for not cheering for Trish. From there, it only got uglier, as this picture clearly illustrates.

(5) John Cena versus Shawn Michaels ends in No Contest The highlight of this match was HBK's outfit, which had so many pop-tops on it I'm surprised the giant electromagnet in Lost's hatch didn't suck him down to the island. Which would be fitting, as this was a pretty sucky match. Eventually, after neither wrestler was able to land their signature moves, Angle ran down and started stomping both men. Cena recovered and was about to give Angle the FU when HBK delivered some sweet-chin music. With both wrestlers down, HBK picked up the championship belt, looked at it lovingly, then dropped it on Cena's chest, thus ending another lackluster episode.

While it was nothing to write home about, overall tonight's show was slightly better than last week's. But only in the same way an icewater enema is slightly better than one administered with isopropyl alcohol. Am I wrong?

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Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 1:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: Sandy Scott on Nov 5, 2005 06:56 AM.

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