Y2J's Highlight Reel featured a special interview with general manager Eric Bischoff. After the reciprocal handjobs, Y2J took the opportunity to play Fozzy's (his band) new video, To Kill A Stranger, set to highlights of his recent beatings of WWE Champion John Cena. When Bischoff asked Jericho what happened during last week's match between Carlito and Cena (which Jericho refereed and Carlito lost), Jericho blamed it on the substitute ref, Chad Patton, who was quickly called out by Bischoff. After giving the ref a few wet willies and tittie twisters (what, no noogies?), Bischoff made a match between Patton and Jericho, which Young MCena promptly came down and broke up. Immediately afterward, that commercial from Vonage came on and broke my train of thought. Does anyone know who does the song they use?
The RAW Diva Search continued. And America continues not to care. I tried to think of something amusing to write about tonight's competition, but nothing I came up with topped this line from the WWE's site: "The end is so close that Ashley, Kristal, Elisabeth and Leyla can taste it."
Matt Hardy finally had a real match on RAW. And it was against Snitsky, the guy who made Lita miscarry (is that even a real word?) Kane's baby, which she was carrying as a result of Kane's forcing her to have sex so he'd quit beating up Matt. You'd think Matt would be grateful to Snitsky for causing Lita to have a miscarriage, but if he were, you couldn't tell. Matt eventually won, only to have Edge come out and start bitch-slapping him about the head and shoulders.
Finally, we were treated to the world premiere of John Cena's newest rap video, Right Now. Maybe it's just the vicodin and Rolling Rock talking, but I haven't seen a video from a WWE rapper this "dope" and "off the hook" since ICP's Shockumentary. (Dope? Off the hook? My mom's right: I am pretty wry for a white guy.)
The night ended with a "Face-to-Face" meeting between Shawn "The Showstopper" Michaels and Hulk "Hulk" Hogan. True to his nickname, "The Showstopper" almost single-handedly brought tonight's episode to a screeching halt. Does anyone remember when this guy was interesting? Yeah, me neither. But I do remember when he wore trunks with the words "Heartbreak of Psoriasis" splayed across his ass. (Not really. But wouldn't that be a cool name for a wrestler? His finishing move would have to be called the Pustular.)
And what's the deal with Hogan still wrestling after being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame? Seriously, what other sport has Hall-of-Famers still suiting up? You don't see the International Boxing Hall of Fame asking Muhammad Ali to wobble back into the ring for one last match. Although to be honest, I'd pay big money to see Ali fight a resurrected Andy Warhol.
Hogan and Michaels' face-off had all the intensity of the '92 VP debate between Al Gore, Dan Quayle and Vice Admiral James Stockdale. I kept waiting for Hogan to ask "Who am I? Why am I here?" Alas, the only question he asked of Shawn Michaels was "What are you going to do when Hulkamania runs all over you?" Evidently, if tonight is any indication, Michaels is going to Superkick Jerry Lawler in the jaw.
And that's for Andy Kaufman!
If only Stockdale had done that to debate moderator Hal Bruno...
What did you think of tonight's episode?
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Comments (11)
Great review. Would wrestling be considered the 'anti reality tv' genre?
1 of 11 | Posted by neighbor_steve | Posted on August 9, 2005 9:41 AM
Oh. My. God. This wrestling thing is just a soap opera set in a ring instead of a hospital. I guess now I "see" the appeal it continues to hold for people.
Nice recap, cgodd. But the subject matter? *shudders*
2 of 11 | Posted by Maura | Posted on August 9, 2005 10:25 AM
you nailed it, mo.
it's a soap opera.
for guys.
with violence.
3 of 11 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on August 9, 2005 10:44 AM
I like it when they put dinette sets, etc in the wrestling rings. You just know someone's gonna get a fancy chair smashed over their head when they aren't looking.
Or they put a living room set in the ring(since where else are you going to put it?), and then, no, wait, someone gets hit with a barcalounger.
4 of 11 | Posted by British | Posted on August 9, 2005 11:28 AM
I used to hate Eugene, but he has really grown on me. Everytime he makes a fool of another idiot like Kurt, I have to laugh. I think there will be a twist in the plot someday and we will find out he was faking the whole "short bus person" thing all along. That would be great! And yes, its a soap for guys, but I love knowing that the bad guys always get their buts kicked eventually, and without buckets of crying.
5 of 11 | Posted by Jennifer | Posted on August 9, 2005 1:06 PM
Does anyone notice in the above picture of Matt Hardy that the 2 security guards that are "holding him back" are trying real hard to hold back their laughter. Come on... stay in character guys.
6 of 11 | Posted by bacardi | Posted on August 9, 2005 1:41 PM
I've actually started watching this again. I blame the UFC for using it as a lead in.
7 of 11 | Posted by 3blue | Posted on August 9, 2005 2:03 PM
Yes, you are pretty wry for a white guy.
The song is called "Woo Hoo" and the band is the Rocketeens.
Somebody shoot me.
8 of 11 | Posted by k@os | Posted on August 9, 2005 2:26 PM
I don't watch this show 'cause I hate wrestling, but I had to come to post the following: Why do you recap this show but did not recap The Contender. That show was awesome.
9 of 11 | Posted by tv freak | Posted on August 9, 2005 4:10 PM
Awsome again, as usual... Great job again... I never have been able to figure out how WWE makes some of their matches and rivalries. What is all that crap with Benjamin and Masters? I thought Masters and Big Show were feuding not Masters and Benjamin. These guys always screw up the story lines. They also always seem to drag out the really bad ones too.
10 of 11 | Posted by norsegod | Posted on August 10, 2005 7:58 AM
So this is where you've been plying your trade, or playing with your ....
Glad to see that you have picked a real sport to comment on, not that weinie shit like the NFL, or some such.
Not sure Mo gets the whole male-bonding thingy.
11 of 11 | Posted by trucker bob | Posted on August 10, 2005 11:15 AM