Tonight RAW is broadcasting from Sheffield, England. Team RAW, led by Captain HBK, comes out to the ring. Coach tells us we've never seen a Survivor Series team like this. Why? Because HBK is wearing a $3000 suit!
General manager Eric Bischoff comes out to the ring next, wearing a rather drab black and gray ensemble. He's in merry old England, at least he could've tried some tweed and one of those cool Sherlock Holmes hats. Then, while he's dressed as the world's greatest detective, maybe he could investigate what happened to RAW's creativity. Of course, even Bischoff's blandness still can't compare to the mess that is Carlito's hair. Either the fabled English humidity is playing havoc with his curls or his pick was confiscated at Customs.
Bischoff talks some smack about Team SmackDown The Sharks. "There've been rumors all week long on the Internet that Teddy Long and his boys will be here on RAW tonight." Bischy says it's all hooey. "When you're a Jet, You're the swingin'est thing: Little boy, you're a man; Little man, you're a king!", Bischoff sings, segueing to RAW's own littlest man, Todd Grisham, on the TitanTron. Todd's standing out in the parking lot looking for The Sharks, who've yet to arrive.
Eric tells us the plan to attack Batista on SmackDown last week was actually his and Edge's. And that, as they say on RAW, is cool. And Eric knows The Sharks won't be here tonight, because they're afraid of him and his army of posable action figures. At that, Big Show grabs the microphone and sets Eric straight, saying "First of all, Bischoff, we are your nothing." Uhm, did I say he set Eric straight? I meant confused the hell out of the entire arena.
"Kane and I went to RAW because we wanted to," explains Biggy. "We wanted to prove that we were unstoppable. And the best way to do that was to chokeslam Batista straight to Hell." They feel no remorse for hurting Batista. "Wrong guy, wrong place, wrong time." Speaking of wrong time, Grish starts screaming from the TitanTron that Smackdown is here! And they've arrived in JBL's limo. (Remember when I said tonight's episode was in England? Did JBL drive there?) They're all dressed quite nicely, too. Even little ReyRey, who's wearing Charlie McCarthy's suit. Anyway, Batista calls Team RAW out to the parking lot. Bischoff tries to talk them out of it, but HBK says no way and leads the guys backstage.
After the break, the SmackDown guys are still waiting in the parking lot, rolling up their sleeves. Team RAW, meanwhile, is still making their way out to the parking lot. It's just like that scene in Spinal Tap where the band couldn't find the stage. Except that was funny. Carlito asks HBK what if it's a trap? "I'm counting on it," answers HBK, before leading his team in a singalong: "Here come the Jets, Yeah! And we're gonna beat Ev'ry last buggin' gang On the whole buggin' street! On the whole! Ever! Mother! Lovin'! Street! Yeah!"
Okay, here's the thing that's bothering me about the whole Survivor Series angle: Carlito would never willingly sing with HBK. And just a couple weeks ago, HBK and Chris Masters hated each other. Now they're dancing down the hallway? I don't get it. Same thing with the SmackDown guys. Batista is fighting Randy Orton this week for the belt. But tonight they're riding in the same limo together? Sometimes wrestling is so hard to take seriously. I mean, if I can't believe in their hatred for one another, what can I believe in...
Oh well, back to suspended reality. The Jets make a few faces at The Sharks, The Sharks flex a few pecs and then the pummeling begins. Lots of enjoyable carnage, including a live shot of Big Show's head being slammed through a car window. The camera focuses on Masters as he slaps the MasterLock on lil ReyRey, when suddenly there's a huge crash. The camera pans to see Batista's been thrown through a windshield by Kane and Big Show. (Off camera, of course.) Teddy Long calls for a medic and we go to commercial.
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Comments (10)
still no comments? ugh, color me depressed.
hey, how 'bout those weavers? do they suck or what?
1 of 10 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on November 22, 2005 11:30 PM
Does Shelton Benjamin loose every week?
2 of 10 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on November 23, 2005 5:34 AM
Great recap! Hope you feel better now. I'm no fan of bondage, but nice screencap of Trish.
Aside from JBL does anyone deserve their spot less that Cena?
3 of 10 | Posted by Rob | Posted on November 23, 2005 5:55 AM
unfortunately, shelton does lose every week. i don't think he's won a match since he lost his ic title last year.
jbl's a waste. he was so much more fun when he was bradshaw in the apa. and cena needs to turn heel or go home. his character now blows.
4 of 10 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on November 23, 2005 8:07 AM
is it me or is cena tryin way to hard to be cool? dont get me wrong, ima cena fan but i hate wen he gets all gangsta up... thats not cool. TRish is lookin HOTTER and HOTTER each and everyday i see her on RAW... im thinkin Team Smackdown will win at Survivor Series.. Havent seen Torrie for soooo long... Miss her sooooo much.. Same to Stacy..
5 of 10 | Posted by Lazy | Posted on November 23, 2005 8:46 PM
Heres my pieces:
1. The only good Cena is a Heel Cena
2. Shelton Benjamin needs to start winning
3. We need Muhammed Hassan (although he is pursuing acting, that aint gonna happen)
4. We need a new Womens Champ, that being Melina
5. We need Batista to kick Big Show and Kanes ass once and for all. A Batista Bomb on them wouldn't be all that bad.
6 of 10 | Posted by Kami | Posted on November 23, 2005 9:03 PM
Great recap, as always.
I'm pretty sure the Cena "ham sandwich" bit is akin to calling Angle a pussy. It works better if you use the full "open-faced roast beef sandwich" though.
That bit did die a brutal death, and while I'm no fan of "Rapper's Delight" Cena, this Rock Lite persona he's had since coming to Raw is utterly unwatchable.
The chicks are Raw's only saving grace at this point.
7 of 10 | Posted by Alpha Dog | Posted on November 24, 2005 10:20 AM
Come on, now. The Jets song was NOT written by Sondheim or Robbins. Everyone knows that song is from West Side Story, which was written by Leonard Bernstein. Get with the program, people.
8 of 10 | Posted by youknowwho | Posted on November 25, 2005 5:50 AM
shows what i know about showtunes.
although in my defense, the official westside story website lists music by bernstein, lyrics by sondheim and conception/direction/choreography/ by robbins.
9 of 10 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on November 25, 2005 2:21 PM
Sorry about not commenting, but I'm always reading. With everything going on lately, I was not able to catch RAW on monday. Luckily I had your recap to turn to.
And judging by the recap, I'm lucky I missed it.
10 of 10 | Posted by k@os | Posted on November 26, 2005 1:53 AM