Angle is still in the ring when we come back from commercial. Angle says he's been hanging out with Daivari lately because they're both proud Americans who've been unjustly abused by the fans. "You people will cheer a foul-mouthed misogynist rap star like John Cena, but you will unjustly deny Daivari's rights of expression as a proud American," he says. This makes Angle sick. Of course, the crowd might care a little more if he'd delivered this speech in the U-S-of-A. As it is, the Brits are pretty apathetic. Or it could just be their high manners and good breeding. Angle tells us Bischoff has agreed to make Daivari his personal referee for every match, including this Sunday's championship bout with John Cena. Daivari takes the mic and tells his followers the time for jihad has come. Or he delivers a really great recipe for hummus. It's hard to tell, as I don't speak Daivari.
No matter, because Cena appears on the TitanTron, telling Daivari and Kurt to calm down. "Kurt, stop it, man! Pipe down. You're acting like a freaking ham sandwich!" (I don't get it either.) Cena says he's going to find out the real story about how the other RAW superstars feel about Kurt Angle. The first door he opens just "happens" to be the ladies dressing room. Candice gives him a freebie and makes a lame joke about sucking.
Next door, he finds Snitsky giving Tomko a massage. Yuk! "It's not my fault!" Snitsky tells a disgusted Cena. Whatever, dude. Behind the next door, Cena finds The Boogeyman singing "London Bridges". Where the hell is this bit going?
I think even Cena senses it's a bomb, as he tells the camera, "Okay, maybe the WWE superstar thing was a right turn down Bad Idea Street. But there are 12,000 screaming WWE fans out there who have a voice." At that, he walks out into the crowd and starts asking random members of the crowd what they think of Kurt Angle. Despite their stiff upper lips, they all agree that Kurt Angle does indeed suck. Not as much as this bit, though. At that, Cena concludes that Angle does still suck, and rushes the ring, chasing out both Angle and Daivari.
(3) Triple H versus Val Venis Hmm, I wonder who's going to win this match… Val puts up a valiant (get it?) effort, but alas it's not enough as HHH quickly lays him out with a chair. Of course, this match is about sending a message to Flair, so Hunter continues to beat the hell out of Val long after the ref rings the bell. Eventually, he delivers a Pedigree and decides it's enough. On a side note, I just noticed that Val spells his last name like Penis, so if he changed his first name to match it would be Pal Penis. That's funny.
Winner: Val Venis via Disqualification.
(4) Candice Michelle (w/Victoria) versus Mickie James (w/Trish Stratus) Ooh, Candice and Vics almost kiss! A quick shot of King, Joey and Coach at the announce table confirms that Joey is the only person in WWE actually shorter than Rey Mysterio. Get that man a phone book, stat! Candice is roofied up again, but at least she looks good. Too bad she won't remember it come tomorrow. Joey Styles gets high marks for describing Mickie's attack as a "double chop across the ample chest of Candice Michelle." Speaking of ample bosoms, two masked men run up and abduct Trish Stratus from ringside. Candice uses the distraction to pin Mickie.
Winner: Candice Michelle. Although I think it's safe to say we're all losers with this match.
So who took Trish? None other than SmackDown's very own MNM! They have her tied up and duct-taped somewhere in a closet. Melina tells Trish no one's going to find her down there. Although having a cameraman broadcasting the bit might put a little crimp in her plans… Turns our Melly-Mel just wants a match at Survivor Series.
Back at the announce table, the guys are stunned. Lawler, realizing that having Trish tied up and gagged is his big chance, goes to rescue her. Now if he can just figure out how to get rid of those pesky cameramen…
Meanwhile, Maria is backstage reading HBK's book, which just happens to be available in bookstores everywhere. HBK doesn't want to talk about his book, though. He wants to talk about tonight, HBK versus JBL, the "initial confrontation" if you will. (Hey, that's pretty good.) Describing tonight's lumberjack match with JBL, HBK sings "You're never alone, You're never disconnected! You're home with your own: When company's expected, You're well protected!", before pirouetting off-camera.
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Comments (10)
still no comments? ugh, color me depressed.
hey, how 'bout those weavers? do they suck or what?
1 of 10 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on November 22, 2005 11:30 PM
Does Shelton Benjamin loose every week?
2 of 10 | Posted by America's Next Top Fan | Posted on November 23, 2005 5:34 AM
Great recap! Hope you feel better now. I'm no fan of bondage, but nice screencap of Trish.
Aside from JBL does anyone deserve their spot less that Cena?
3 of 10 | Posted by Rob | Posted on November 23, 2005 5:55 AM
unfortunately, shelton does lose every week. i don't think he's won a match since he lost his ic title last year.
jbl's a waste. he was so much more fun when he was bradshaw in the apa. and cena needs to turn heel or go home. his character now blows.
4 of 10 | Posted by copygodd
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Posted on November 23, 2005 8:07 AM
is it me or is cena tryin way to hard to be cool? dont get me wrong, ima cena fan but i hate wen he gets all gangsta up... thats not cool. TRish is lookin HOTTER and HOTTER each and everyday i see her on RAW... im thinkin Team Smackdown will win at Survivor Series.. Havent seen Torrie for soooo long... Miss her sooooo much.. Same to Stacy..
5 of 10 | Posted by Lazy | Posted on November 23, 2005 8:46 PM
Heres my pieces:
1. The only good Cena is a Heel Cena
2. Shelton Benjamin needs to start winning
3. We need Muhammed Hassan (although he is pursuing acting, that aint gonna happen)
4. We need a new Womens Champ, that being Melina
5. We need Batista to kick Big Show and Kanes ass once and for all. A Batista Bomb on them wouldn't be all that bad.
6 of 10 | Posted by Kami | Posted on November 23, 2005 9:03 PM
Great recap, as always.
I'm pretty sure the Cena "ham sandwich" bit is akin to calling Angle a pussy. It works better if you use the full "open-faced roast beef sandwich" though.
That bit did die a brutal death, and while I'm no fan of "Rapper's Delight" Cena, this Rock Lite persona he's had since coming to Raw is utterly unwatchable.
The chicks are Raw's only saving grace at this point.
7 of 10 | Posted by Alpha Dog | Posted on November 24, 2005 10:20 AM
Come on, now. The Jets song was NOT written by Sondheim or Robbins. Everyone knows that song is from West Side Story, which was written by Leonard Bernstein. Get with the program, people.
8 of 10 | Posted by youknowwho | Posted on November 25, 2005 5:50 AM
shows what i know about showtunes.
although in my defense, the official westside story website lists music by bernstein, lyrics by sondheim and conception/direction/choreography/ by robbins.
9 of 10 | Posted by copygodd | Posted on November 25, 2005 2:21 PM
Sorry about not commenting, but I'm always reading. With everything going on lately, I was not able to catch RAW on monday. Luckily I had your recap to turn to.
And judging by the recap, I'm lucky I missed it.
10 of 10 | Posted by k@os | Posted on November 26, 2005 1:53 AM