The biggest news from SummerSlam had to be Hulk Hogan's defeat of Shawn Michaels in a match the WWE had promoted as "Legend vs Icon". (Being a stickler for truth in advertising, I would've used something like "Bitch-Tits vs Born-Again," but that's just me.) Judging from the recap, it more than lived up to both billings, as the wily veteran tricked HBK into watching an episode of Hogan Knows Best, then simply waited for Michaels to nod off before pinning him.

HBK opened the show by admitting, sort of, that Hogan was indeed the better man the previous night. Just as he was hitting his stride, however, Chris Masters interrupted. Just as quickly, The Coach and Jerry "The King" Lawler started pitching a collective tent under the announce table. Taking the mike, Masters told HBK it's time for the old guys like HBK and Hogan to pass the torch. Presumably, to the younger guys like Masters, but since he never clarified his statement, he could've meant passing it to someone like Stephen Hawking or even Christopher Reeve for all we know.

Next up we're privy to a backstage circle-jerk between Chris Jericho and RAW general manager Eric Bischoff. Jericho immediately starts with the "I should've won last night" belly-aching, which Bischoff treated with the soothing relief of cherry-flavored "You deserve a rematch." Then, after a couple of manly hugs and a quick round of the Pepto-Dance, Bischoff unveiled his newest plan to strip the title from John Cena: the WWE's first-ever "You're Fired!" match! (Nothing like jumping on The Apprentice bandwagon three seasons after it's left the station. Next week Bischoff will probably announce the WWE's first-ever "Final Answer?" match...)

After the break, we're treated to a match between Kurt Angle and Shelton Benjamin. Both of these guys were All-American wrestlers in college, and Kurt Angle won a gold medal in the '96 Olympics (with a "broken friggin' neck!" I might add), so for this most part this was a real wrestling match. Of course, my favorite part wasn't found in the ring, but rather the following bit of banter between the King and good 'ol JR.
King: "The fat lady's warming up."
JR: "That fat lady's not singing, she's eating a donut."

After the break, we get a quick promo from Kirwan White. Kirwan used to wrestle on Smackdown as Chavo Guerrero, but when he moved to RAW he changed his character, saying he felt he wasn't getting any respect because he's Hispanic. In reality, however, he wasn't getting any respect because he sucks. He says he's now representing Middle Class America (ie: white folk), and signed off his promo with "If it's not white, it's not right." To show how in touch he is with White America, he also added "if it's mellow, let it yellow," and "if it's brown, flush it down."

In an effort to set up a little heat (and a lot of puns) for their upcoming match, the writers have Big Show catch Snitsky drooling over one of the Diva's feet. Big Show calls Snitsky a "toe-sucking pervert," prompting the Diva to ask Big Show, "What's a pervert?" Big Show then sighed and shot her in the face. (Well, at least that's what he'd have done if I were a WWE writer.)

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Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 8:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: J-Unit on Aug 24, 2005 08:38 AM.