Testimonials

Our next match pitted Matt Hardy against Rob "Look at Me" Conway. Prior to the bell, we were treated to a recap of last night's match between Matt and Edge, in which Hardy's face was cut so badly the fake ref actually had to stop the fake fight. In fact, Hardy's face was so bloodied he looked like he was wearing Ben Afleck's Daredevil mask. And yet, despite his obvious concussion and severe blood-loss, Hardy still made a more believable superhero than Ben. Unfortunately for RAW's Hampton, Virginia crowd, Matt hadn't quite recovered from last night's beating, and he quickly succumbed to the Con-Way. Edge then bumrushed the ring and proceeded to open Matt's face back up. Most amazing of all, however, was the fact that he and Lita did not tongue-kiss the entire night! Methinks there may be trouble in paradise...

Unfortunately for Carlito, Flair wasn't in a very talkative mood, and quickly tired of Carlito's insults. Carlito even tried to challenge Flair to a "Wooooo!"-Off, but Flair wasn't taking the bait. Once Carlito spit an apple in Flair's face, however, the 16-time World Champion and self-described "limo-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheeling, dealing son-of-a-gun" tossed Carlito from the ring.Rather than simply kick Carlito's ass, however, Flair countered Carlito's "Woooo!-Off" idea with a challenge of his own: the WWE's first-ever "Dance-Off". Not really. But it did give me an excuse to make this:

One thing the WWE does well is creating advance promos for new wrestlers. Tonight was no exception, with our first intro to the team of Lance Cade and Robert Murdoch. One look at these guys in a bar drinking long-necks is all it took to convince me there's a new breed of white trash coming soon to a ring near you. Although Murdoch's promise that somebody was going to "squeal like a pig" certainly helped make their case.

Ashley, the 2005 RAW Diva Search winner made her official RAW debut a memorable one by leading the audience in a Q&A on "Quantum Non-Linear Sigma-Models and How They Pertain to String Theory, Conformal Field Theory and General Relativity". I wish. Instead, she just got the hell beat out of her by Torrie and Candice, prompting JR to ask, "What is this, some kind of prison movie?"

Finally, it was time for tonght's Main Event, the "You're Fired!" match between the Champ, John Cena, and the corporate stooge, Chris Jericho. Cena had just defeated Y2J last night at SummerSlam, making this his second title defense in less than 24 hours. As usual, Jericho cheated, and Bischoff took every opportunity to sneak in a cheap shot on the Champ, even going so far as to slip Y2J a pair of brass-knuckles, prompting the King to dub him the "Brass-Knucked Canuck". Okay, Lawler didn't really call him that, but he should have. And as usual, Cena overcame the odds and defeated Jericho, leaving Bischoff no choice but to summon his inner "Donald" and fire Jericho. Taking a cue from one of our favorite Apprentice wannabes, Y2J started tearing up, eventually losing it when Bischoff told him to control his anger and stay away from the damned tobacco.

As Cena watched security carry Jericho out of the ring, he was attacked from behind by Kurt Angle, who smacked the Champ around a bit as Bischoff reverted to form and introduced Angle as Cena's next opponent.

What do you think? Will Jericho be back, or are his days as the WWE's only multimedia superstar over?

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Posted in WWE/RAW by copygodd at 8:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: J-Unit on Aug 24, 2005 08:38 AM.