POSTS TAGGED: competition

¡Buenos Nachos, mijas y mijos! Can you believe we’re halfway done with this cycle already? If you’ve been actually watching the show, I’m sure you’ve had a few moments here and there where you had to wonder to yourself “What in the blue fuck just happened? That shit made no sense!” (and like me, you [...]

Welcome back all you Diva-Dolls (and for you guys, I guess, Divo-Action-Figures)! Now that my ears have stopped ringing from all the screaming that went on in last week’s episode, I wonder if this week will find the girls being a little more tolerant of one another’s (admittedly lackluster) personalities? I think I will consult [...]

What’s up little darlin’s? Let’s talk for a moment about mistakes. We’ve all made ‘em (my hair and fashion choices that routinely got my ass kicked in the ’80s is a prime example) and hopefully we’ve all learned from them. It’s a semi-rare person that willfully does something incredibly stupid that doesn’t feel remorse or [...]

Hello all you closet voguers out there (and you know you do when you’re driving and Madge comes on the radio with one of her bestest songs evah!) are you ready for me? I hope so, ‘cuz I’m on a huge high from the drag pageant that I was at this past weekend (more on [...]

Greetings and salutations fashionistas! Well, it’s been a crazy week for our poor Tyranna-Sore-Ass, what with the international news coverage of the riot/stampede that broke out amongst a mob of munchkins at auditions for Cycle 13 (a.k.a. The “Okay, I Guess Short Chicks Might Be Pretty, Too” Cycle) in New York City! I don’t want [...]

Hey there, hi there, ho there, fashion-fans! I’m so happy to be once again sitting here in the dark at my PC and watching impossibly thin and beautiful women bitch and cry at each other (most likely out of ravenous hunger) and knowing that in a few minutes I’ll be polishing off the better part [...]

Welcome back all you fiercelings! I finished that last recap at 5am and had to get some sleep. I dreamt about an army of big-eyed, tacky-nailed, constantly-crying, super-bitchy skeletons who were chasing me all over The Forum Shops while shouting random insults at my hammer-toed feet and trying to stab me with pickle pens so [...]

Hey-Ho to all of you Tyra-ites! This is J-Mo, and I’m here to serve as your faithful acolyte as we once again become devotees at the Altar Of Stick-Thin Bitches Who Never Eat. Yes, it’s time for Cycle Twelve of America’s Next Top Model…, where 2 Tic-Tacs and a Marlboro Light is considered “lunch”, where [...]

This week on Top Chef, Ripert is back and he’s hornier than ever. Beaten cross eyed.

***And now please welcome home Monamonzano with True Beauty!! Can you see my soul? Well, it’s hot. The question True Beauty poses is: can beauty be measured by science? Yes. Can Douchiness? Science hasn’t progressed that far, folks.

Hey everyone – in order to play catch up I’m posting last Sunday’s first and then I’ll do a fun photo-essay of the Sunday before that. Thanks for being patient! Just think, now that you’ve had ample time to digest what’s happened, these recaps will be like a blast from the past! Seriously. Riiiiight?! On [...]

We’re back – fresh from a non-elimination round and a world record for TV episode containing the most uses of the word “babe”! Ladies and Gentlemen – it’s AMAZING RACE! 6 teams are left and Nick and Starr are out of the gate first. The first clue – head to Deshbandhu Apartments for their next [...]

I’m back everyone! Sorry for the delay – it’s only because I flew to Brazil to meet up with the teams and interview them! Unfortunately I never found them because I thought they speak Spanish there and I tried looking for them under a clue in the sand. DAMN YOU AMAZING RACE! I learned it [...]

Welcome back everyone! Last week we learned that Nick & Starr made a pact with the devil and her name is Tina, Terence is needier than a 14 year-old girl in a first-time relationship with co-dependency issues, Kent was able to commit to Tina for 24 hours straight (one horrible day at a time), Frat [...]

We’re down to the sweet 16 – who will shine – who will fall – who will ride the Hot Tamale Train to obscurity?! It’s… So You Think You Can Dance! Our lovely host Cat comes prancing out and — WTF is she wearing?! It looks like she took her mother’s wedding gown and sluttified [...]

If only I had one glove and a penchant for little boys. Now that would be a change. Welcome to finale part one of Step It Up and Dance! It’s all come down to this. Weeks of grueling partnering, exhausting prop work and never-ending gay Mexican hateration have brought us here. So what else is [...]

This week on Hell’s Kitchen, the culinary warriors are challenged to create their own menus. Surely they can’t fail when they are making their own creations, right? WRONG! SHUT IT DOWN!!! The customer’s always right.

Hollah party people! It’s time for So You Think You Can Dance!!!! It’s bBitz here and I couldn’t be more excited! I LOVE THIS SHOW. I’ve watched every season, attempted every dance move I’ve ever seen on it (most resulting in broken furniture and hospital stays) and fallen in love with every SYTYCD dancer – [...]

Hola Chicos; This week it’s all about scandal, those bitchy revelations that spice up our lives and provide the lifeblood of the Internet. We’re down to four contestants and we’ve got the Queen Bitch of them all, Perez Hilton, to help cut them down to three. Bitches, you are going to love me!!

For all the huge Celebracadabra fans out there (all three of us), I have to specify that this recap isn’t of the most recent episode. VH1 decided to change their lineup and move our favorite show to a new night, giving us two episodes this week! You may not have known this since A) it [...]

Hey! T.Vo and Flipit here with a live blog of the finale! HOLLAAAAA!!! And now! For the last time this season! THIS! Is American Idol! Spoiler alert! Donna Summer wins!

Reunited and it feels so gay. Gang. I know. This recap could not be any later. In my defense I’ve been out of town since last Thursday night and then my friend was visiting from out of town until yesterday. All signs pointed to me having that thing they call “a life”, and it was [...]

Tonight we get three times the magic! Three times the excitement! Three times the thrills! As any mathematician can tell you, three times zero is zero. Call PETA and arrange a truck to the glue factory, cuz this horse is just about beaten dead. THIS. Is American Idol! Tell us a story, Paw!

Hey gasmii, sorry I missed you all last week! I’ve got a good excuse though, really. You see, I was having a huge get-together, and things got a little out of hand. It was basically a Duke lacrosse party, only with lesser odds at getting laid. So, of course the po-po showed up and told [...]

Quick! The women are telling all! So I tried, I really tried to come up with anything to say about The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, but seriously, there was nothing new. Stacey was back to explain how embarrassed she was about being such a drunken freak show on the first episode and then as [...]

America learns the proper way to give a hickey. Dear Seabreath, Why does my vote matter more this week? It would only matter more if fewer people were voting, but that doesn’t appear to be the case since you claimed that 45 million people voted last week. I may be the only Asian kid alive [...]

This week on Dancing with the Stars we recover from last weeks high drama (injuries and prom queens gone mad!!) – and jump right into ballroom! And this week dancers are allowed ONE LIFT! Ladies and Gentlemen – prepare yourselves for bloodshed! I love ballroom night! Everyone’s all dressed up – with careers that have [...]

Last week’s episode of Hell’s Kitchen was certainly one for the archives as we watched a “professional chef” (Craig) flub up spaghetti! And I thought that pasta was impossible — or imPASTAble — to mess up. Each week, we continue to reach new lows. Maybe you should do something useful with those tears and douse [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! Time to find out who gets the cut, if Cristian will soldier on and if, after all of these years, Def Leopard will still be able to pour the sugar on me. Ick. Chubbers kicked skinny ass last night – that girl has gone from 6′s to [...]

“These faces have been on your screens for over three months. You know more about these tools than any other season. You are voting more passionately than ever, but one of them has to go.” For a second, I thought Seabreath was breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to me. I was so startled [...]

“Look at all these pine trees!” Tonight on The Bachelor we head for Barbados to watch three lucky girls give it up in the hopes of being The Chosen One. Poor Matt. He is just so confused because he has such a brilliant connection with three different women and he has no idea how he’s [...]

In this episode of Dancing with the Stars – we mourn the loss of Pri-Pri with a wild west cowboy number! Makes sense to me! Our seven couples enter the stage and everyone looks great. Fancy outfits! Some are are wearing vests, bowties and classy gowns… and Marlee’s wearing tiger print. Someone’s out for blood [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! It’s going to be a fantastic show – James Blunt is performing! You can’t see but I just threw my panties at the TV. Kristi and Jason kicked ass last night. Bruno called Jason a “love God” – so clearly the judges weren’t holding any feelings back. [...]

This week on Top Chef, everyone’s got their mind in the gutter. So that bubble bath thing… could I get in on that, dude?

Tila Tequila is back folks, and things didn’t work so well between her and Bobby. He broke her adorable, bisexual little heart and tore it into a million pieces. So, to ensure that she’ll find someone who can tolerate her myspace fandom, the producers thought it’d be a good idea to scrape the bottom of [...]

When you’re with a ‘sweep, you’re in glad company! This week on Step It Up and Dance a British chimney sweep descends upon our dancers with the mission to prove once and for all that blue collar workers have impeccable rhythm and no need for expensive percussive instruments. No, it’s not Dick Van Dyke and [...]

“I’m so near to fame I can smell it!” Tonight on The Bachelor Matt goes on his hometown dates! For the first time in Bachelor history, we meet a celebrity father. Okay, maybe not really a celebrity, but at least someone who was on the show “Are You Hot?” No, come to think of it, [...]

None of these individuals took Vegas for millions counting cards in Blackjack or anything else. Hey-o! Can you believe it? A Paradise Hotel recap done this early in the week? Only the promise of long overdue drinks tomorrow with the ‘Gasm writers would get me on top of my game, so I could get out [...]

Ciao, Gasmii. I’m sure my two loyal readers (hi Mom and Dad!) were concerned that I had dropped off the face of the earth after no recaps from me for the past two weeks. But fear not! I’m still alive and kicking. I thought about recapping the recap episode but once Dominique started professing her [...]

Last week’s Jenny Jones-esque makeover episode made for some great TV, but the CW brought us back to boring ol’ competition grounds near the end, leaving us at a cliffhanger where the 4 remaining Dorks and Bitches had to choose who to send to the ominously named “ELIMINATION ROOM.” Sending Cowboy Joe and his ho [...]