POSTS TAGGED: flipit

Tonight on American Idol, we get yelled at. A lot.

Tonight on American Idol Results, Joss Stone almost blows Smokey and I lose my lunch. Can I still get breakfast at the mansion?

Tonight on American Idol, Motown survives, but just barely. Make it stop.

Tink starts off by telling us that tonight, one contestant will face the fire! Finally! They’re gonna just start cremating the eliminated contestants. I guess someone over at FOX is listening to my voicemails after all! That’s democracy! And THIS. Is American Idol Results!! Pitchy heathen!

Tonight, Hambert pees all over the Grand Ole Opry. Eleven left. THIS. Is American Idol! It’s hard to not like a person who can steal from Elvis, Madonna and Liza all at once.

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Tonight on American Idol, dreams are stamped out at twice the speed! I’ll still take your credit card number, honey. Don’t cry. BUY.

They’ve said goodbye to their families, they’ve put their jobs on hold, and they’ve abandoned their every day lives. What selflessness! Who will be the next Jesus? No one knows. In the meantime, THIS. Is American Idol! You were really relevant tonight, dawg.

Tonight on American Idol, Uncle Phyllis goes back to teaching volleyball at an all girls school and the In and Out stays one Chola safer for at least another couple of weeks. Sorry Gay Best Just Friends, you have been replaced by a Christmas Ham in an Elvira wig.

Tonight on Top Chef, Ilan wins. And food loses.

A Welder. A bartender, A font designer (that’s a job? Who made wingdings?). A comedian. A fortysomething year old, and a musical theater queen with an Elvira wig. THIS! Is American Idol!

Tonight on American Idol, Carly Smithson does a Delta Burke when she was thin impression and Tatiana has a seizure. Cooooooooonsuela!

This week on Top Chef, a midget tried to bang a big girl and we found out that Fabio’s way gayer than we could have ever imagined.

Tonight, American Idol gets off to a really painful start and Ted Danson is still alive.

Tonight on American Idol, the season officially went off it’s fucking rocker.

This week on Top Chef, Ripert is back and he’s hornier than ever. Beaten cross eyed.

It’s the biggest season yet!! They’ve auditioned over 100,000 loozas! Will they find at least one that doesn’t suck bawls? Well, we’ll sure have fun while they try. THIS! Is American Idol!! Welcome to Hollywood! WHY AM I SINGLE?!?! WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

This week on Real World Brooklyn, Devyn gets taken down a notch by a tranny. If there was a cork big enough, I would stick it in there right now.

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This week on Top Chef, it’s Restaurant Wars, babay! Ahhhhhhh!

Tonight on the hundredth episode of Desperate Housewives, we get lots of closeups of wigs n’ weaves and Beau Bridges wears a lot of plaid. Just stopped by to ask you to vote no on spreading the wealth around.

This week on Top Chef, Jersey gets its color back. Snapped.

This week on Desperate Housewives, Edie and Susan get locked in a basement, Lynette finds out where Porter’s hiding, Gabby deals with the girls on her own, Bree butts heads with her gay-son-in-law, and Mike and Katherine get closer. And this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. Oh yeah, and I fell [...]

Previously on Top Chef, the Christmas spirit overtook Daddy Tom and he served up some sugar after basically calling everyone a bunch of low level line cook hacks. Just when they thought all was lost….”YOU’RE ALL STAYING! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Then the chefs erupted into a huge, joyous party and hugged and thanked baby Jesus for [...]

This week on Top Chef, as a special Christmas gift we learn once and for all that Fabio’s hung like a shoe. These two put Team Rainbow to shame.

This week on Heroes, a lot of people die, a lot of movie plots are ripped off and Ando is inexplicably given more to do. If you gotta go, go with freshly applied gloss.

This week on Top Chef, Scar smokes a bowl and gets so hungry that she bites off Gail’s cheek right before her wedding.

This week, Heroes doesn’t suck so much! One day I’m gonna be an adult and not screw everything up. NOT!

This week on Top Chef, Rocco DiSpirito shows up. Thankfully, he’s not in sequins. She just had a taste of Rocco’s frozen food.

This week on Top Chef, Ariane’s a weenie. No, we don’t deserve you. Please shut your pie hole, lady.

This week on Heroes,

This week on Heroes, we find out that Meredith was the most boring character even a year before all this started, Sylar used to read a lot of books and liked musicals, and that Mama Petrelli was, for a short time, a strong black woman. Dontchoo make me whoop yo ass, boy!

This week, Top Chef is baaaaaack! Finally, lesbian prisoners are given a shot!

Last week Toni Braxton was eliminated. Tom Bergeron claims that it’s a reminder that one bad dance can mean the end, but I think it serves as a reminder that America is stupid and despite what I read on HowIsObamaDoing.com, I will remain anxious until next Wednesday. I mean, I understand Cloris Leachman’s entertainment appeal, [...]

I love that on this show, the previouslies are made to look like Olde Timey footage. Did you know last week was actually 1932? Anways, last week in 1932, Rocco was eliminated while Cloris somehow managed to hang on for another week. And then Brooke went all Sylar on our asses and exploded like a [...]

This week on Project Runway, a girl wins! YAY! Someone please water Kenley before she dies.

This week on Project Runway, Kors steals from Kenley, Kenley steals from McQueen, and Squirc steals construction paper from middle schools to finish her line. I got you, damn fly!

This week, the final four designers on Project Runway blow the judges out of the water and prove to America that this isn’t the worst season ever. Why else would Nina be making this face? She’s brought out the cow print. We’re screwed.

Tonight on Dancing With the Stars, we learn that America hates gay blind people and loves eighty two year old sluts! God bless us! This is a pic of me and my friend/DWTS partner KrankMills. Guess which one’s which!

This week on Project Runway, Kenley’s an a hole. Sorry was that a spoiler? Pointy heads, frizzy hair and under eye bags are in and hot skinny blondes are out. Project Runway for President!