POSTS TAGGED: fox

So last week’s episode was titled “House Divided”. If you’re a history dork, you might know the whole quote: “A House divided against itself cannot stand.” I think Abe Lincoln said it, and you know, if he shaved and then grew back about a week’s worth of stubble, he’d look a little bit like one [...]

So, if you recall, a couple of weeks ago we lost a Houseguest. The show with too many cast members finally got rid of one. So pop quiz, hotshot: you’re a House exec. What do you do next? Bring one back, of course. Well, duh. I know the economy is rough and there are a [...]

Hello again music fans! It’s me, J-Mo, already back from the land of MTV and I’ve been lucky enough to land this one-off recap for a show that people actually want to watch. We’ve reached that critical point in tonight’s competition where yet another cut is going to be made, people are going to scream, [...]

Welcome everyone! It’s me, J-Mo, taking a short break from the slutty skanky buysexual Ikki Twins over on MTV to bring you my take on one of the most astonishing television shows of the millenium… the FOX juggernaut that is… American Idol… …where the slutty skanks are apparently taking over as well… Yes, it is [...]

This week of House is brought to you by Episode Formula #4: Doctor Sees Self in Patient. You may remember that we got the same formula in the premiere, to less than stellar results. Does it work this week? Read on! Playing the Patient: Breckin Meyer, who I really like. Playing the Doctor: Louie. Finally [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen – auditions are over and it’s time for So You Think You Can Dance – THE VEGAS CHRONICLES!!! It’s going to be blood, sweat, tears and treachery! FAAAAANTASTIC! At the end of it all – many will fall and only 20 will rise! By the look of the amount of dancers there [...]

Cat intro’s and tells us there’s a BIG dance scene at this new city they’re auditioning at! WOW! Is it Miami?! Chicago?! Nope. It’s Salt Lake City. Oy. Get ready for a lot of caffeine-free polygamist dancers… ladies and gentlemen – it’s So You Think You Can Dance! Of course being at the foot of [...]

This week on Hell’s Kitchen, the culinary warriors are challenged to create their own menus. Surely they can’t fail when they are making their own creations, right? WRONG! SHUT IT DOWN!!! The customer’s always right.

Did anyone else see the story this week about how Gordon Ramsay was diagnosed with an ulcer for having eaten so much bad food in Hell’s Kitchen? I guess he’s pretty upset with Fox for choosing such idiotic and incompetent contestants. And if you didn’t think they were bad before, then I’m sure you do [...]

Hey! T.Vo and Flipit here with a live blog of the finale! HOLLAAAAA!!! And now! For the last time this season! THIS! Is American Idol! Spoiler alert! Donna Summer wins!

American Idol + Recurring Extended Boxing Metaphor + Jock Jams (“Are You Ready For This”) playing in my head nonstop = Seabreath not having a chance to say “This is…American Idoooooooooooollllll!” But I’m not entirely convinced that Michael Buffer on the show is a good thing. Just a regular ole’ meeting of NAMBLA. We’ve got [...]

I’m feeling irrationally, excessively emotional (fluctuating between depressed, elated, constipated, frantic, and resigned) so it must be that time of the month week again. Thanks for visiting me, American Idol! Cramps and bloating are a bitch.

America learns the proper way to give a hickey. Dear Seabreath, Why does my vote matter more this week? It would only matter more if fewer people were voting, but that doesn’t appear to be the case since you claimed that 45 million people voted last week. I may be the only Asian kid alive [...]

Last week’s episode of Hell’s Kitchen was certainly one for the archives as we watched a “professional chef” (Craig) flub up spaghetti! And I thought that pasta was impossible — or imPASTAble — to mess up. Each week, we continue to reach new lows. Maybe you should do something useful with those tears and douse [...]

“These faces have been on your screens for over three months. You know more about these tools than any other season. You are voting more passionately than ever, but one of them has to go.” For a second, I thought Seabreath was breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to me. I was so startled [...]

There are times on American Idol where you’re left saying “Well, that was quite a shocker”, and there are times that you’re throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming “ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!” Guess what kinda night this was for me?

None of these individuals took Vegas for millions counting cards in Blackjack or anything else. Hey-o! Can you believe it? A Paradise Hotel recap done this early in the week? Only the promise of long overdue drinks tomorrow with the ‘Gasm writers would get me on top of my game, so I could get out [...]

Don’t forget the Jabbawockeez are America’s Best Dance Crew, dawg! Dear Judges, Andrew Lloyd Webber wants his masks back. This is American Idol goes to Musical Theater Camp, where anything goes!

This episode of Hell’s Kitchen marked one of the happiest moments of my recapping career and perhaps even life. Because this week, Fatso falls on his ass — both literally and figuratively. Yay! Christmas is saved! Now let’s get on to this fabulous episode, shall we? Cock-a-doodle-EAT ME!!!

I just really missed Amanda. The moment we’ve all been waiting for…Who’s come back to haunt the guests of Paradise Hotel like a drunk, slutty ghost? Will it be a season one guest like Man Boobs Dave, (which would be awesome)? Or are we going to be subjected to Raheim and his tedious civics analogies? [...]

Like, what? In honor of this week’s fallen culinary warrior on Hell’s Kitchen, I took it upon myself to do a little research about that loveable American doll that we call the Barbie. Fun Fact #1: Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Do they actually make people named “Millicent” anymore? Sounds like a fat [...]

What are you bitching about? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, NIGEL!

Ow! My back!

“The magic is inside you. There ain’t no crystal ball.” Remember how I suggested that an awesome twist for American Idol would be strapping the judges to the lie detectors used on the godforsaken shitshow that is The Moment of Truth? Well, some story editors at FOX must be reading my lil’ ole’ recaps, because [...]

I mean “Government”. Hi, everyone! Did you know that Lady Sensation lives in a time warp? And in this time warp this recap is not only on time, but early! Yes, it’s great to be delusional. I could be one of our Paradise Hotel contestants. Anyway, enough about me. Let’s slather on that SPF and [...]

This week on American Idol, Paula and I were on the exact same page. I woke up for this?

John Lennon chokes on hacks. Again. I’ve been seriously deliriously sleep-deprived this week, because I thought Mariah Carey was scheduled to guest judge this week, or at least perform “Touch My Body” while Kenneth the Page hula-hooped and twirled flaming giant turkey legs around her. Alas, it was all a croissant-fueled hallucination. Join me, mon [...]

I want you. To not be late again, Lady Sensation. Lady Sensation had a crazy week, gang. It’s an excuse, but no justification for abandoning you all. I do believe that above all reality television comes first, but unfortunately that’s not what my landlords say, so late it is! So, when I did have some [...]

Tink descends from the sky into the now massive studio and gives us a wink. Tonight, there will be a new set! New lights! Platforms and lifts and globes and screens and mosh pits!!! One question. Would it have killed you to add a pitch pipe into your budget? Welcome to the finals! This! Is [...]

“I refuse to bathe until we get Melinda Doolittle back.” I have a confession to make. While channelsurfing, I caught the end of a particularly hellacious episode of The Moment of Truth. The one where a dirty blonde who resembled a brassy Miss Piggy ‘fessed up to the following: 1. Being fired for stealing money [...]

I have never, ever, ever met someone I believed in as little as you.