POSTS TAGGED: funny

Tonight on Project Runway, all of Earth’s elements are polluted. So recycle, or something. Some of these designs are so bad they’ll put hair on your chest.

Hello again hairgomaniacs! I know that I have been bitching a lot about how this show has taken a steep swirl into the toilet because of the crappy hosting (and speaking) abilities of Cameltoe, and that none of the guest judges have been remotely famous (or interesting) to anyone outside of the hair industry, and [...]

Remember 2009, the last time anyone cared about new episodes of 90210? JK, Gasmii. No one ever cared about new episodes of 90210. Ah, what the hell, I got 2 afternoons to kill. Let’s re-visit the Hills of Beverly. Weekdays on SOAPnet!

This week’s Kell on Earth gives us more empowerment in the form of being alternatively bitchy, overworked and overwhelmed. And under-appreciated. Also, Kelly markets her book a lot and somebody actually cries outside! I don’t care what country you’re in. This shirt is no ok.

In what was arguably the best episode of the season, Damages put the Tobin case on the backburner this week, and got back to doing what it does best – reveling in the dark, twisted relationship between Ellen Parsons and her mentor-cum-rival, Patty Hewes. The formidable foes spent the majority of the episode in a [...]

Happy Post-Oscars, everyone! Could you all believe how bad the hair was at this year’s show? I don’t know if it was the rain, or if Sarah Jessica Parker was trying to look all freshly-fucked on purpose to combat those nasty rumors about her and Matthew Broderick’s marriage being on the rocks, but Tabatha would [...]

This week on Fantasia For Real: Something exciting kind of actually happens! We finally meet the waste of DNA that is responsible for siring the Barrino clan! And for giving Fanny the ammunition to write this obvious best seller: Except for when you’re plucked from obscurity, given a record deal and fame and fortune, even [...]

Tonight’s America’s Best Dance Crew is all about Lady GagMe. In case you haven’t yet guessed, GagMe makes me want to puke. Going into this challenge I was sure I’d be ready to stick ice picks in my ears before we were even halfway through. But I have to admit, the dancing distracted me from [...]

This week on Lost, Sayid goes on a killing spree in not just one but TWO dimensions, Kate and Claire are reunited and it should technically feel so good but doesn’t at all, and Smokey gathers his army.

Previously on the Real World: Pandrew has mysterious secret pain that I’m starting to think we’ll never get to the bottom of. Emily rejected Ty, and he did not take it well, resulting in tension beyond the sexual kind. Somehow, this resulted in Pandrew plunging into the depths of some concrete. We pick up right [...]

Hi Gasmi, you know I think it’s time to pay tribute to the unsung heroes of crap cinema, the screenwriters. Now there have been some screenwriters out there who’ve ginned out some pretty tasty crap over the years, but there is one man who stands above all others in getting bad ideas up on the [...]

With the scripted drama exciting reality show known as The Bachelor over for now, ABC has got a whole lot of time to fill….so you know what that means….it’s time for Dancing With Obscurity!!!! Buy one recapper, get one half price!!!

Tonight on Project Runway, PeeWee Herman comes up with a new character, Emilioth pronounces a bunch of stuff wrong, and a giant bites off Jaysian’s head.

Just one, Jake. This isn’t Big Love. Tonight is Big Decision night on The Bachelor! We’re still in St. Lucia and Jake is taking this opportunity to walk along the beach tossing pebbles into the water and pondering on how he’s fallen so in love with two completely different women.

Tonight on American Idol, Skara says things that I knida agree with two times, most of the girls blow chunks, and OrganiJoplin lives!! It’s nights like this you wonder how this girl didn’t get on the show.

***We know it’s a bit late in the season, but we love our Damages and finally found the recapper to take on this beast! Please welcome our newest hero, SlifeGoesOn!! This week on Damages: Patty is warned by Judge Riley (and by extension, disgruntled viewers at home) to step up her game – and boy [...]

Hello Gasmi! We are back after last weeks cheesy clip show. Did you guys watch? Let’s go see what’s happening on Bad Girls Club! It’s the return of Midget! And whatsherface.

Tonight on American Idol, there is a lot of sitting on stools. The favorites fall hard, and the weaker contestants rise to the top. And lots of guys do pushups. Yes, Skara. WE CAN HEAR YOU.

Previously on The Real World: Douche made our ears bleed and cheated on his girlfriend. Pandrew was continuously unable to get past spooning. Ebony and Ivory just couldn’t seem to live in harmony. This week, MTV would like to teach us about morals: … can get you laid even if you’re wearing a panda hat. [...]

On tonight’s America’s Best Dance Crew, we get the Music Video Challenge. In seasons past this has been all about the crews bringing the flavor (and some moves) from their assigned video and combining it with their own style. This year, they’ve decided to show the “signature dance sequence” on a video screen behind the [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, Tom and Lynette totes forget Penny’s birthday, sealing her fate as the least cared about child since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. And/or Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. And maybe that poor kid who was in Home Alone 3. And to add insult to injury, Lynette [...]

Jordan tells us this week’s episode is about modesty and insecurities. Guess which one the Tools have never heard of? Also, there will be long lost secrets, like Dopey Tool’s hatred for easels. It all leads to a Tool Academy meltdown and you can tell it’s for real because there are camera men and lights [...]

Simpsons did it, Russell.

Tonight, America makes some harebrained decisions and Kris comes back to remind us that he wasn’t second place on American Idol. This….is American Idol Results!!!!! Not lookin’ good for Aloha.

Oh, Gasmii, we have much to discuss. I am going to write up a quick recap of last week’s episode that, due to unforseen circumstances, is much later than it should be. (Unforseen circumstances = me getting in a car accident and being okay physically, thankfully, but if any of you have dealt with this [...]

This week on Fantasia For Real: Fanny is attacked by raccoons! The Weenster acts like a baffoon! And Zion gets trapped in a balloon! (Not really, but it rhymed.) Sorry, dude, even implicating your kid in a nationally televised hoax is NOT enough to help you get a hit album.

Hello again friends! You know, every time I go to my local salon these days I always ask the stylist whose chair I land in if they watch reality TV, and in particular if they are fans of Shear Genius. If they clutch their chest, gasp and start in on how fucked up last night’s [...]

The producers are dead set on a girl winning this season of American Idol, so each one of them has to be physically fit and at least semi cute. The guys are set up to lose, so they can be as fug as they need to be. Thankfully for us, this means we’ll at least [...]

Hi Gasmi, well time to look at yet another assault by Hollywood on our cognitive ability, and this time we mix it up a bit. As tempting as it would be to delve even deeper into Schwarzenegger film catalog, we’re going to zig when they zag, and not spend time with things that go boom, [...]

Tonight, American Idol is back with performance shows!! The 12 girls take the stage and mostly suck butt. But at least they’re thin!! Time to make the donuts.

Fidelity is definitely a thing we all need to understand in order to be in a relationship. Maybe. This week on Tool Academy (the most prestigious Tool School in the country) we explore what the word ‘fidelity’ means. Literally, we learn the definition, because these tools don’t know what it means. Not with you!

This week on Fantasia For Real: Fanny and Ricco work on their own albums, while Teeny continues to be a blood sucking little twerp, and Fanny decides she wants to work toward her GED and get edumacated: High School Diploma: Because even Auto-Tune has limits.

Hello my lovies! I’ve been a little under the weather and my doc suggested I stay away from anything that could induce vomiting so I had to hold off on seeing Batshit for several days. I am much better now so let’s take a peek inside Bad Girls Club!

Yo Yo Yo!! Are you ready for the competition to FINALLY begin? On tonight’s America’s Best Dance Crew the crews show us their stuff (again), we are still stuck in a regional format (blech), and Omarion is still a useless dumbass (unsurprisingly). I hate you AND your doofy sweater. 

OMG, y’all! Monday’s special hour-long episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was so outrageous and insane that I don’t even need to insert my own snark. I could just transcribe it directly, and it would still be crazy for you guys to read. Seriously, it was nutso. And if you didn’t think Scott was [...]

Welcome back, friends! I’m so glad you’ve rejoined me, because I want to tell you about an Incident that happened to me this week. I was driving home from work, minding my own business, and lip-synching flawlessly to SWV’s “Right Here/Human Nature” as I zipped along through traffic. Eventually I noticed a car keeping pace [...]

Hi, Gasmii! Did you all have a nice Valentine’s Day? Mine was great- two hockey games in two days. Unfortunately, I think I picked up a bug in Detroit, so now I’m loaded on garlic and vitamin C instead of Syrah. I got Mr. McSlore a neon Guiness sign for the basement bar and I [...]

Tonight on Project Runway, Nina eats babies, designers act like little girls about working with little girls, and we witness the return of an old friend!

Welcome back to The Bachelor! Here we are in St. Lucia, which, just like San Francisco, is the perfect place to fall in love according to Jake. He goes over who he’s got left with us. “I brought my Big Boy outfit to the tropics!”

Hello, all! I know, I know, you thought I forgot about you, right? Never. I intend to see this season through to the bitter end. Anyone else come down with a lethal case of Olympic fever? I don’t know how it happens, but for 2 weeks every other year Bob Costas becomes my lifeline and [...]