POSTS TAGGED: funny

****Please welcome PopPrincess and That’sWhatSheSaid for their crack at Hollywood ! PopPrincess: So confession time….I’ve only watched like 15 minutes of American Idol this season. No clue who any of these peeps are. ThatsWhatSheSaid: I watched about 15 mintues last night in the first Hollywood round. Should I get wine? PopPrincess: Ohhh yes I’m going [...]

Dear Gasmii, This week our middle-aged mommas do their best to stay up late and shake their booties for us. I’m giving them an ever-loving ‘A’ for effort, cuz it’s hard to put in a long day of strutting, drinking, eating, bitching, gambling, slutting, and dancing, when you’re used to gently passing out by 9:00 [...]

About 10 years ago (when I still lived in L.A.) I was home in Phoenix and out clubbing with some friends when I met a great big corn-fed bubba from Kentucky who was also visiting the desert. I was instantly smitten with this Magic Mountain of a Man (big southern boys are a weakness of [...]

OK, Houseaholics. I’m going to be up front with y’all. February is National Stomach Bug Month, and I’m celebrating with a tall glass of Pepto, trying to take notes while lying very very still on the couch under a heat pad. So I can kinda sympathize with this week’s POW. Is that anything like method [...]

Tyra, is that you? As if she ever looked that good. RuPaul’s doesn’t look like she’s missed a beat since the last time she had a TV show ten years ago. She looks simply scrumptious. Of course, you would too if you were photographed through a tub of vaseline and your makeup artist has the [...]

This week on Top Chef, Ripert is back and he’s hornier than ever. Beaten cross eyed.

Patty gets suspicious of Ellen, Uncle Pete gets his hands dirty, Phil gets kind of dirty all over, and Wes gets even stalkier, this time with more guns. It’s Damages – episode 5! So where do vengeful master she-lawyers and their young, novice FBI informants go to get a little R&R? No, not a $59-a-night [...]

Bonjour Gasmii! 90210 is back after an unannounced week off. Well it could have been announced but I really wasn’t paying attention. I recap it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it…or care. What I have been paying attention to, though, are the on set pics of Donna Martin, or rather the on [...]

Who will be Jason’s beautiful bride? Tonight on The Bachelor there are only two words you need to remember: Seattle and Ty. Got that? Good. Let’s go!

This week some Idols repent for past sins, while others are reminded of the good they’ve done. Some Idols are forgiven for their past mistakes. But that’s not all we have this week. Just throw in a big green shake from Eric, a little striptease and a concert. Its a wild, wild episode. So move [...]

It’s the biggest season yet!! They’ve auditioned over 100,000 loozas! Will they find at least one that doesn’t suck bawls? Well, we’ll sure have fun while they try. THIS! Is American Idol!! Welcome to Hollywood! WHY AM I SINGLE?!?! WAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

This week on ’24′, everyone falls in love, pines over a lost love, lies to their loved ones, or gets disappointed by them! In short: It’s a special pre-Valentine’s Day treat from Bauer & Co. and all the action is recapped…after the jump!

Hello again from J-Moville! Well, we’re coming down to the end of this sensitive and heartfelt portrayal of young people looking for love, and it appears that MTV has been edging during the fuckfest all this time, because tonight they spewed two and a half hours of Ikkiness all over my television screen! I never [...]

First of all, I hope that everyone got their free Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast on Tuesday. I was still nursing my super sized Super Bowl hangover and didn’t want to wait in line for hours just to throw up on some poor waitress who probably wasn’t making enough in tips to even pay for her [...]

This week on Bad Girls Club..the Amber’s do something lame, the Crabby Four totally over react and the new girl does crap too. Oh and they go to Vegas. Everyone got their protective gear on? Let’s go!

This week on Real World Brooklyn, Devyn gets taken down a notch by a tranny. If there was a cork big enough, I would stick it in there right now.

Hello Gasmii, Dear Crabby here! You may know me from such recaps as Ugly Betty: Ruined by ABC Execs and A Carol Christmas: Ghosts of Tori Spelling’s Boobs Past. However, in this economy, it pays to hedge your bets and recap more than one show in case Flipit has to make any layoffs. It’s just [...]

Last week on Tool Academy, one tool went home but don’t fear, we have six more left duking it out for the title of least Toolish of all the Tools. We open this week’s episode with our tools sitting around the table, eating breakfast and discussing what this week’s therapy topic could be. MEGA pressures [...]

This week on Lost, Desmond goes searching for Mama Faraday, Richard and Locke have a meet-and-greet, Daniel does some sciencing, and Juliet practices her Latin.

Last week on Gossip Girl, the goddamn blogging software ate my recap, hence me posting nearly two weeks later. We also learned that the rape gene is hereditary, people from Iowa are idiots, and that old people are full of phlegm. “But Dorota, I don’t want to follow the scary girl. I want to lick [...]

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Dear Gasmi, Millions and millions of dollars around the world have been spent on researching ways to effectively slow population growth. Yet with relatively little effort Bravo has put the kibosh on biological clocks this week by reintroducing Jeana’s oldest son and reminding us of the down side to parenting. I recommend blowing up the [...]

Tonight on The City: Allie doesn’t know whether or not to trust Adam when Cat confronts her about what happened, Olivia and Nevan are bitches, and Whitney’s barely in the episode long enough for me to hate what’s on her head. What’s that smell?

Tonight on American Idol, Ryan tells us we will be bouncing back and forth between Puerto Rico and New York. Oh joy! Nothing I love better than flipping between time zones! Of course it helps if you are plastered. Here we go!

Close-up on Purcell, your favorite presumed wife slayer and mine, as he stands at a kitchen sink innocently washing dishes. Boy, this is the nicest jail sentence ever. Purcell looks so peaceful and happy and I know what you’re thinking…wouldn’t it be the best thing ever if “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” suddenly came on [...]

Ladies and Gentlgasmii, welcome to Season 5 of Hell’s Kitchen!! Grab your tongs, put on those aprons and get ready for a mother-plucking funfest of cooking, crying, and my personal favorite, Cursing. Wooooo!

OK, I’m all business this week, kids. Straight to the prologue we go, to a classroom where children are making crafts out of pipe cleaners. At first it looks like a preschool class, but here’s a boy who’s about 20. OK, maybe not quite, but definitely too old to be making things out of pipe [...]

“Can I start over?” Welcome to The Bachelor! Tonight Jason continues to kiss everybody, but this time he does it in front of everybody. Someone goes camping and almost everybody cries – but not because of the camping, surprisingly. Grab a box of tissue and join me, won’t you?

Welcome to week 4 of “Confessions of a Teen Idol”. This show is like an Irish funeral, some of the people are sad, everyone needs a stiff drink and sooner or later someone will pee. I’ve titled this episode “Urinetown”. This show has more pee in it than a port-a-potty at a Green Bay Packer [...]

Hello dolls and welcome back aboard the Rock of Love Bus. Packed your crotchless panties? Great, let’s go! That’s the prize for winning the entire show. Pick something else.

Greetings ‘Gasmii! I just got back from Los Angeles where I spent the weekend celebrating the BF’s birthday with lots of good food (we had an insanely expensive but orgasmic meal at Lawry’s The Prime Rib) and entertainment (we screened the classic disaster-flick “The Towering Inferno” to see O.J. Simpson’s amazing afro) and I wondered [...]

“All these people coming back from the dead…It makes my head hurt! I need a cheap hooker, Pronto!” Greetings Gasmii! It’s 1pm in ’24′ world, and this week the bloodshed and mayhem begin in earnest! We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, including: shootings, a stabbing, a choking, acts of terrorism, acts of betrayal, [...]

***Please welcome back PopPrincess with a show you’ve been requesting, Tool Academy! She was just assigned, so give her time to catch up! Soooo, my first show about douchey boys ends, then FlipIt asks me to take on Tool Academy, another show about douchey guys. Either Flippy hates me (but why?) or I am still [...]

Dear Crabby: When are we going to see a smack-down catfight between Betty and Hilda over Papi? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: When Player magazine can sponsor it! Casa Suarez is eerily empty as we begin this edition of Ugly Betty, although it does look like someone cleaned up the chips that were all over [...]

“You think this is good, wait till you see what I do with their dignity!” Holy indifference, Batman! I’m clutching my pearls in shock because no one, not a single bro, cried this week! How did this happen? Perhaps it’s like that first week at college where you’re terribly homesick and can’t wait to see [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the episode starts out somberly with a voice over from the grave, Denny. Watch out Mary Alice, you aren’t the only dead person who can narrate an episode! Denny informs us that he believes in heaven, as the camera subtly watches Izzie. He also tells us he believes in hell, [...]

***Please welcome Cherie with Tuesday’s American Idol! Tonight we are in Jacksonville Florida. Home of the Dawg y’all! I’m sure we will see lots of pictures of Randy and his fans. Not to mention the horror that is every audition. Let’s get to it!

This week on the Bad Girls Club…Boston loses her shit over gummi bears, Geezer Bait wants to bang a fossil, Sarah pees on a tree and the new girl Ashley arrives. Oh yeah, and The Amber’s are to blame for everything. Here we go!

Greetings, gasmii! VH1 has once again decided to grace us with their grandest show of all, I Love Money! Join me as we take a look at the cast of season two, the jerkiest of all reality jerks. That could be a competition in and of itself.

Dear Gasmi, After a crayayzy week in Chicago dealing with family matters, I am so happy to be back in the warm, fuzzy world of the Gasm. Not that Chicago isn’t great, I love Chicago. I had deep-dish pizza, prime rib, cheesecake, and met the Anti-Christ. No, I’m not kidding. I’m happy to tell you [...]