POSTS TAGGED: funny

“Can I start over?” Welcome to The Bachelor! Tonight Jason continues to kiss everybody, but this time he does it in front of everybody. Someone goes camping and almost everybody cries – but not because of the camping, surprisingly. Grab a box of tissue and join me, won’t you?

Welcome to week 4 of “Confessions of a Teen Idol”. This show is like an Irish funeral, some of the people are sad, everyone needs a stiff drink and sooner or later someone will pee. I’ve titled this episode “Urinetown”. This show has more pee in it than a port-a-potty at a Green Bay Packer [...]

Hello dolls and welcome back aboard the Rock of Love Bus. Packed your crotchless panties? Great, let’s go! That’s the prize for winning the entire show. Pick something else.

Greetings ‘Gasmii! I just got back from Los Angeles where I spent the weekend celebrating the BF’s birthday with lots of good food (we had an insanely expensive but orgasmic meal at Lawry’s The Prime Rib) and entertainment (we screened the classic disaster-flick “The Towering Inferno” to see O.J. Simpson’s amazing afro) and I wondered [...]

“All these people coming back from the dead…It makes my head hurt! I need a cheap hooker, Pronto!” Greetings Gasmii! It’s 1pm in ’24′ world, and this week the bloodshed and mayhem begin in earnest! We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, including: shootings, a stabbing, a choking, acts of terrorism, acts of betrayal, [...]

***Please welcome back PopPrincess with a show you’ve been requesting, Tool Academy! She was just assigned, so give her time to catch up! Soooo, my first show about douchey boys ends, then FlipIt asks me to take on Tool Academy, another show about douchey guys. Either Flippy hates me (but why?) or I am still [...]

Dear Crabby: When are we going to see a smack-down catfight between Betty and Hilda over Papi? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: When Player magazine can sponsor it! Casa Suarez is eerily empty as we begin this edition of Ugly Betty, although it does look like someone cleaned up the chips that were all over [...]

“You think this is good, wait till you see what I do with their dignity!” Holy indifference, Batman! I’m clutching my pearls in shock because no one, not a single bro, cried this week! How did this happen? Perhaps it’s like that first week at college where you’re terribly homesick and can’t wait to see [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the episode starts out somberly with a voice over from the grave, Denny. Watch out Mary Alice, you aren’t the only dead person who can narrate an episode! Denny informs us that he believes in heaven, as the camera subtly watches Izzie. He also tells us he believes in hell, [...]

***Please welcome Cherie with Tuesday’s American Idol! Tonight we are in Jacksonville Florida. Home of the Dawg y’all! I’m sure we will see lots of pictures of Randy and his fans. Not to mention the horror that is every audition. Let’s get to it!

This week on the Bad Girls Club…Boston loses her shit over gummi bears, Geezer Bait wants to bang a fossil, Sarah pees on a tree and the new girl Ashley arrives. Oh yeah, and The Amber’s are to blame for everything. Here we go!

Greetings, gasmii! VH1 has once again decided to grace us with their grandest show of all, I Love Money! Join me as we take a look at the cast of season two, the jerkiest of all reality jerks. That could be a competition in and of itself.

Dear Gasmi, After a crayayzy week in Chicago dealing with family matters, I am so happy to be back in the warm, fuzzy world of the Gasm. Not that Chicago isn’t great, I love Chicago. I had deep-dish pizza, prime rib, cheesecake, and met the Anti-Christ. No, I’m not kidding. I’m happy to tell you [...]

*****Please welcome Ack to the family with her kick ass Lost recaps!! For your geek theory fix, join Greybishop and Flipit every Thursday night for the Lost podcast! For instructions on how to join in, click here. Enjoy! The fifth season of Lost kicks off with some mind-bending physics, crazy ninja moves, a few blasts [...]

My old Kentucky hairdo Tonight auditions are in Louisville, Kentucky – home of the Kentucky Derby, which is, as Ryan Seacrest tells us, the most exciting two minutes in sports. Wow, that first sentence is a whole load of new information to my brain. Only two minutes? Really? Golf could take a tip from the [...]

Hey House peeps! We’re back from winter break with a new episode of House! My fingers (not to mention my ears) are still sore from recapping last week’s American Idol. Maybe House has a cure for me. Anyway, this recap should have come out at least a day sooner, but I totally missed that House [...]

This week on Damages, Glenn Close scares the crap out of everyone. But in a much kinder and gentler way than usual.

This week on Top Chef, it’s Restaurant Wars, babay! Ahhhhhhh!

Konnichiwa Gasmii! Wow, it’s been an action packed week. Lost came back from hiatus, America’s first black president was sworn in, Lost, I got a new cell phone, Lost. And somewhere in the middle of all that awesomeness we got a new ep of 90210! I hear Preggers’ got a baby But Preggers’ barely got [...]

Previously on Brothers and Sisters: Sarah teamed up with two guys in their twenties, who were trying to launch a website. They needed lots of money to attend some tech conference, where they were hoping to get picked up by an investor. Nora agreed to let Rodger Grant design The Center and they made cutesy [...]

“Whose heart shall I break tonight?” Tonight on The Bachelor, we reenact National Lampoon’s Vacation, then Jason feels up eight of the girls and finds out that one of them loves bears. Can’t wait? Me neither, come on!

It’s almost lunch time in ’24′ land! This week, we only have an hour to cover. What a treat! I’m still recovering from the carpal tunnel syndrome recapping 4 hours gave me last week. I hope you are hungry for some twists, some turns, a bunch of angry faces, a double-cross or two, and some [...]

This week on The Shitty: Adam may or may not have cheated on his girlfriend Allie, Nevan moves in with Olivia, and everyone talks about how Adam may or may not have cheated on Allie. And then Allie scares the crap out of me with her eyes.

Hey dolls, welcome aboard! The first thing I have to say today is that the Rock of Love Bus theme song is really growing on me. “Please, let me in-tro-duce myself, get my back stage pass, ride my li-mou-sine…” Well, that’s the only line I know but I’ve been kind of humming it all day. [...]

****Our next gasm writer to take AI audition duty is the lovely and talented Mona. Enjoy! Hey all, Please welcome ME, MONAMONZANO, taking you on a magic tour bus through AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS: SAN FRANCISCO. Instead of a lot of LSD and other assorted hallucenogens, it’s voices. Good voices, bad voices. All brought to you [...]

This week our boys have to box with a porn star and then they get to rough it in the woods for what may be the longest two days of their burgeoning reality star lives. And, yes, the title I chose for this episode is from Chris P, our future “Last Comic Standing” reject. That’s [...]

***Please welcome your winner of this year’s Auditiongasm, Flo! After much anticipation, everyone’s favorite polygamists are back and they’re not wasting any time puttering around in the season premier of Big Love. They’ve got some thick Mormon drama cooking for us from the jump.

Tonight on the hundredth episode of Desperate Housewives, we get lots of closeups of wigs n’ weaves and Beau Bridges wears a lot of plaid. Just stopped by to ask you to vote no on spreading the wealth around.

This week on the Bad Girls Club…..the bitch is back y’all! I for one haven’t been so happy to see a bitch since that time I pulled into Taco Bell and thought they were closed. Just as I began to wail Why God? WHY? an angel appeared in the window and took my order! God [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the role of the overprotective mother is being played by Bailey. As she watches over Jackson, our sweet dying patient from last week, Arizona comes rushing down the hall. This is a 911 page at 2AM Arizona, stop running and start skating. Arizona makes up for her lack of skate [...]

Hey Gasmi, and welcome to this week’s edition of Who’s the Biggest Idiot?, or as NBC likes to call it, Momma’s Boys. Behind door number one, we have Michael and Lorraine. Lorraine is desperately trying to get Michael’s attention away from a blonde porn star to a brunette, and unbeknownst to her, porn star. Hair [...]

Dear Gasmi, This week Bravo has hit a new low. It’s sad when women with all the advantages of living in Orange County are outclassed by the Clampetts from The Beverly Hillbillies. No matter how drunk Gretchen got on their grain alcohol, you know Granny wasn’t going to stand for any foolishness from her menfolk. [...]

This week on Top Chef, Jersey gets its color back. Snapped.

This week on Gossip Girl, Chuck teaches us it’s never too early for a line of coke, Eric finally says to Jenny what we’ve all been dying to tell her, and we learn that Jenny and Dan’s relationship is WAY grosser than anything between Dan and Serena, half-sibling or not. As if we needed more [...]

This week on the Real World Brooklyn, everyone learns something. Still with me?

The City this week: Whitney goes out to lunch with some non-gay dude from DVF, which causes Jay to reach a milestone or benchmark or whatever in their relationship; Erin says bye to Duncan; and Olivia pouts. Straight guys? Boring.

This week on Desperate Housewives, Edie and Susan get locked in a basement, Lynette finds out where Porter’s hiding, Gabby deals with the girls on her own, Bree butts heads with her gay-son-in-law, and Mike and Katherine get closer. And this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. Oh yeah, and I fell [...]

‘Sup Gasmii! Welcome back to another craptastic episode of 90210. It’s been a long and busy week for me at work. I didn’t even have time to work on this during business hours!! I was stressing out about not being able to provide you, my faithful reader(s), a decent recap. Then I remembered that American [...]

Anti-government hackers infiltrated TVGasm.com Headquarters and kept the site from updating for over 24 hours. Luckily, they were thwarted and all critical data was restored. If you missed Part 1 of the ’24′ Season 7 Premiere recap, you can find it here. Thanks Chloe! Part 2 follows…after the jump!

Dear Crabby: What the hell? Have you forsaken us for alcohol…again? Dear Couch: Sort of. I know, I know, it’s been almost a month, but blame it on the holidays and their inevitable reruns that there have been no new Ugly Bettys! Plus, in my area Ugly Betty was pre-empted by Marlo Thomas and her [...]