POSTS TAGGED: funny

“Let me get a look at those birthing hips…” Ah, here we go with week two of The Bachelor. We have whittled it down from the Trashy Twenty Five to the Fortunate Fifteen and this week it’s time to start nit picking those ones to death and sending them off one by one, forever ending [...]

Nessie, explaining quantum physics to Nole. This week, True Beauty, features Vanessa Hudgens, I mean Manillo, as a personality-less troll with some serious facial expressions and the kiddies get to give to cherity. And by charity, I mean someone besides Chelsea.

Welcome everyone! It’s me, J-Mo, taking a short break from the slutty skanky buysexual Ikki Twins over on MTV to bring you my take on one of the most astonishing television shows of the millenium… the FOX juggernaut that is… American Idol… …where the slutty skanks are apparently taking over as well… Yes, it is [...]

It’s the Real World Brooklyn, yo! This year’s theme is After School Special. But do have quite a bit of ignorance, annoying people and a transgender roommate to spice things up. Don’t bother trying to get in a cab, they really don’t go there, but keep reading for the update on the latest true story [...]

***Screampillar is taking the season off to GET MARRIED! Congrats lady! In the meantime, we’ve got a fantastic new recapper to fill your terrorist fighting needs. Please welcome Dogsnaxx! Greetings from the Island Manhattan, Gasmii! I’ve been given strict orders by my supervising Officer Flipit to guide you through all the twists and turns of [...]

Hello again my beautiful babies! So, last week in the comments section, I believe we came to two conclusions about Momma’s Boys: 1) This show is sooooo scripted 2) this show is sooooooo awesome and we can’t stop watching. So suspend your disbelief because the crazy is in full swing this week, and let’s do [...]

Dear Gasmii, I’m so sorry this week’s recap is late. What can I say? Manual labor does not agree with me and invariably leads to massive injury. Let me tell you, being stuck flat on my back is not helping me lose the holiday weight. On the other hand, those painkillers sure do make watching [...]

Happy 2009 and welcome to the first Gossip Girl recap of the new year! I hope you all had a fabulous holiday, and are as excited as I am for our favorite shows to get back up and running! Nevermind Chuck. He’s still upset he didn’t get that pony he asked for.

Previously on Top Chef, the Christmas spirit overtook Daddy Tom and he served up some sugar after basically calling everyone a bunch of low level line cook hacks. Just when they thought all was lost….”YOU’RE ALL STAYING! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Then the chefs erupted into a huge, joyous party and hugged and thanked baby Jesus for [...]

Ohhh, my dear sweet ‘Gasmii, what a week this has been… My day job is treating me like a stiffened sex-kleenex (as in, they really don’t want to even acknowledge that I’m on the floor… but they’re not above trying to use me to clean up some tacky mess that someone else left behind), my [...]

****One of our favorite shows is back on TV with a vengeance! Please welcome Linds with Damages!! Damages is back and look who’s got her big girl pants on? It’s little Ellen Parsons, all grown up and still working for Patty Hewes, although this time she’s working undercover with the FBI to take Patty down [...]

Aw shucks. I can still fall in love! Welcome back to The Bachelor! I’ve been on hiatus and missed you guys! I’m so ready for another round I can hardly stand it. Let’s go!

***Please welcome your newest 90210 recapper, MONES!! HOLLA! Mones here, bringing back everyone’s favorite cheap imitation of the real thing…

Well I hope all you guys had a great holiday and got all you wanted for Christmas. I got a new computer and a wheel barrow to tote around the extra ass I grew. Maybe I should have asked Santa for an exercise bike instead. Screw it. Typing is exercise right? Welcome back to the [...]

Dolls, it’s back and we have a lot of skank to cover so I’m not wasting time on the intro. As a very wise man on acid once said, “Either you’re on the bus, or you’re off the bus.” So slather yourself with some body glitter and hop on – this is the Rock of [...]

Tonight on The City: Erin and her Canadian boyfriend move to a new level (emotionally); Whitney moves to a new level (physically); Olivia and Nevan sink to new levels (evilly). And Jay and Whitney try to define their relationship. I don’t have another word ending in ly so just enjoy this pic of Olivia dressed [...]

***We weren’t gonna recap this show because of the bad taste left in our mouths by Paris Hilton’s new bff caca, but you requested it numerous times and then a little recap angel brought us a new baby! Please welcome the irresistible Twunty with Bromance!!

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: Porter and Preston get all Parent Trap-y with Lynette and Tom; Carlos and Gabby argue about money (what a wonderful and refreshing change for those characters!); Edie gets wind (kind of) of Dave’s crap; McCluskey and Roberta return . . . for 30 seconds; and in what is possibly the best [...]

***Please welcome another newbie to the TVgasm stable with a show that was just too good to ignore! TVannie with… Confessions of a Teen Idol is the new VH1 show that promises to reunite 7 former teen idols under one roof and help them try to regain their careers. I have to admit, I’m kind [...]

One of our favorite traditions here at TVgasm is predicting the future. Click here to find out what we got right so far this season, and find out our guesses and add your own for the winter season after the jump!

Tonight on The City: Ex-potential boyfriend Alex gives Whit some bad news, which we then get to hear three more times as she tells various people; Jay and Alex almost duke it out; Olivia tries to be interesting; and we get to see the softer side of Kelly Cutrone. I know, right? It’s there. Just [...]

****OSnapp has found a rich old man to run off with for the winter, and will be back for the next season of The Hills. Please welcome your gorgeous and talented City recapper. You may know him from his Desperate Housewives recaps here at the gasm, or his nude pictorials in Playgirl. Hypnotoad! This week [...]

Dear Gasmii, This week the producers at Bravo have officially thrown down the gauntlet to snarky recappers everywhere. Not only do Ryan, Tamra, and Gretchen all cry, but their storylines include such light hearted topics as cancer and miscarriages interspersed with skanky music videos and skankier tattoos. So do you think fatal diseases and personal [...]

This week the Girl’s Next Door visit Barbie Benton, Hef’s former gf, at her house in Aspen — and you KNOW the producers must have drugged, gagged, and bound Holly to get her to go there. No one hates the conniving Barbie and her underhanded insults more than Hollz. But whether they like it or [...]

Greetings from the First Day of 2009 beloved Gasmii! I hope y’all partied and bullshitted all night long, hopefully to the point where you woke up this morning minus your underwear and with unexplained bite marks. You better get some disinfectant on those right away. As for me and the BF, well, we stayed in [...]

Hey everybody! I hope you all had a great Christmas and that Santa Claus brought you that extra special gift you were looking for. I must have pissed him off big time this year, because he delivered 14 people directly to my house for Christmas Dinner, and my nieces and nephew decided to play Let’s [...]

Oh my sweet ‘Gasmini, I apologize for my extreme tardiness in recapping, but Jesus was totally on my ass to go to his birthday party this year and I had to oblige. By the time I write this, two “Hills” alumni have already launched their spinoff careers and Heidi’s probably looking about as fresh as [...]

Happy Holidays, Gasmii! NBC’s present to us all is a two-hour episode of Momma’s Boys. My present to you, darling readers, is a more photo-heavy recap, just like you asked for. So, let’s settle in and get right into it. And remember, no re-gifting!

Dear Gasmii, This week the producers over at Bravo have decided to treat us to a special episode of Girls Gone Wild: Where Are They Now? Sadly, we find out that they’re still in the same place and wearing the same bikinis. God help us all. Like many aspects of our country over the past [...]

Happy Cristmakwanza Gasmii! Hope you all are enjoying a break from school, work, and any other activities that are part of your daily grind. I, for one, am writing this recap from in front of the hearth at my local Starbucks instead of from under the harsh lighting of my less-local office. (Gotta love working [...]

Happy Christmas times, everyone! Here is a little stocking stuffer for you all. A slutty one, but those are the best kind, anyway? And it all comes down to this, but we all know that it’s all about next week’s reunion episode. I mean, right? Let’s get through this so we can get to the [...]

Two weeks ago on Gossip Girl (heh… sorry bout that…), a pivotal event shakes our UESiders, giving us weddings, funerals, illegitimate children and declarations of love. I haven’t cried this much since the last time I stepped on a scale. “I should have told you to eat shit with that licorice ring and married the [...]

Dear Gasmii; As we head into the hardcore festivities that make up this awesome season, it has become abundantly clear to me that God is seriously fucking with my life. I don’t say this lightly. Despite the ice storm, the lack of power, the gas guzzling generator, the Judeo-Christian holy war that opposing family members [...]

Woo-hoo! It’s almost Christmas Time, and Santa sure came early for a certain fat gayboy in the Desert this year! I’m guessing that he did that creepy voyeurism thing he does (like how “he knows when you are slee-ping, he knows when you’re a-wake, he knows when you wear fuck-me-pumps and a thong for goodness’ [...]

This week’s episode of Girls Next Door doesn’t feature the evil twins. Yaaaaay! Better yet, Kendra is organizing an event. And not just any event, a slutty softball game with just a hintof lesbianism. Consider it an early Chrismukkah gift from our fav E! producers. This chick might be a little more realistic for ya, [...]

I know! I was surprised too.

This week on Top Chef, as a special Christmas gift we learn once and for all that Fabio’s hung like a shoe. These two put Team Rainbow to shame.

This week on The Bad Girls Club….. Sarah is having a trauma. Ailea is having a dude trauma. There’s fighting and drinking and stripping and puking. Kayla questions her sexuality and Whitney is NOT GAY! Let me get my rubber gloves and disinfectant and we can get started!

This week on Heroes, a lot of people die, a lot of movie plots are ripped off and Ando is inexplicably given more to do. If you gotta go, go with freshly applied gloss.

Dear Gasmii, I’m so excited. I totally enjoyed watching the Orange County housewives this week. A little less Lauri, a little more Jeana, and enough Tamra and Simon to offset Vicki and Donn. All in all, a great recipe for an awesome Housewife cake. No, I haven’t forgotten about Gretchen. I just don’t want to [...]