POSTS TAGGED: funny

Ah, Gasmii, don’t you just love technology? Especially the kind of technology that makes your computer crap out on you during the best, most interesting, most exciting (read: boozy) episode of ANTM this season? My apologies, kiddos. I’m gonna keep this week’s ep to a wee-cap because really, do you need me to hammer home [...]

All right guys, sorry I’m a little late on this recap. I was sleeping. No I wasn’t. I’m confusing myself with Gary Busey. I’ve got to stop doing that. Episode three led off with Busey not being able to get up for group session. Keep in mind, this is a man who has no job, [...]

Dear Crabby: What one accessory does every girl need to have? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: A Red-Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time. Ha! Just kidding. A semi-automatic with armor-piercing bullets, you know, for hunting.* *Hey folks – just as [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, morning dawns with Izzie and Alex cuddled in bed. Izzie leaves Alex to sneak out and smell a sweater. So apparently Katherine Heigl is still being punished for the Emmy stuff. Across town, Torres smells the empty pillow next to her. Grey and McD test out the new human alarm [...]

This week on Heroes, we find out that Meredith was the most boring character even a year before all this started, Sylar used to read a lot of books and liked musicals, and that Mama Petrelli was, for a short time, a strong black woman. Dontchoo make me whoop yo ass, boy!

This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny and Bart compete for the title of Dumbest Person EVER while Chuck is a worthy runner up. Seriously, I haven’t seen this much stupidity outside an episode of Big Brother in a long time. This isn’t so scandalous when it’s more clothing than she normally wears, anyway.

This week, Top Chef is baaaaaack! Finally, lesbian prisoners are given a shot!

Dear Gasmii, This week’s episode brings to light such challenging questions as why such a major douchebag as Frank Mir is even tolerated in life? Why isn’t Dave Kaplan confined to a safely padded room? And, when is this show going to come out of the closet? Fab Fighters coming to Bravo soon. Okay, so [...]

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s been a long 2 weeks with no House. It seems the country had better things to last Tuesday night. Not that an election night recap, especially if you were watching Fox, wouldn’t have been interesting. I was watching NBC myself, but by the 15th time they showed [...]

This week’s episode starts off with 50 on the rooftop. Where else would he be? He tells us that his life sucked ass growing up but he never let it stop him. One man’s abandoned building could be another man’s resort. Sorry 50 but that abandoned building called Camp Curtis ain’t no man’s resort. It’s [...]

Ding dong the Looch is gone! As I’m sure you can imagine, I’m thrilled. Everyone left is pretty good, huh? This should be an awesome show! Everyone has to do two dances ’cause things are getting INTENSE! While it’s basically Brooke’s trophy to lose, I think one bad week could knock her off at this [...]

Feels so right when we hug real tight. EEEeeeeeEEE! That’s me making dolphin noises I’m so excited that it’s that time again. Pick-up Artist time! Since I last spoke with you all I went to my hometown of Atlanta, unsuccessfully stalked the Housewives and lined up a party this weekend with Mystery and cast. It’s [...]

Hello everybody! I am soooo super-apologizing for the lateness of this recap, I was in Las Vegas this weekend with my sister and my “little” brother as we celebrated his 30th birthday (and by “celebrated” I mean “got intoxicated” and “ate insanely expensive meals” and “played our favorite people-watching game ‘Real Prostitute Or Just Super-Slutty [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives, tension builds in the Scavo house as Tom and Lynette find out about Porter’s liaison, Mrs. Hildebrand tries to buy the Solis’ love, Susan finds out Jackson has a hidden “talent,”, Bree and Orson get down and dirty, and Lynette totally beats the shit out of someone. Why are you [...]

Tonight on “The Hills,” we FINALLY get a blessed break from the frustratingly endless Blahdrina drama (Blahdrama?) as well as a sneak peek into the freaky Aussie fetish of one Whitney Port, who finds a male model just not hot enough and ditches him for a superhumanly hot musician. I mean, really, why settle? Plus, [...]

Dear Crabby: What is the one kind of guy every girl has to get over at least once in her life? Dear Couch: Sensitive new-age rocker-wannabe guy with guitar. Trust me, one day you’ll have given your personal chef the night off and rocker wannabe will be the pizza delivery guy. But, you know, “The [...]

We’re back – fresh from a non-elimination round and a world record for TV episode containing the most uses of the word “babe”! Ladies and Gentlemen – it’s AMAZING RACE! 6 teams are left and Nick and Starr are out of the gate first. The first clue – head to Deshbandhu Apartments for their next [...]

This week on ANTM, we get to hear a lot of words like “stiff” and “rigid” but unfortunately, they aren’t being used to describe a Mr. Nigel Barker… “I forget, this week, am I into guys, girls, or “stiff and rigid” battery-powered devices?”

This week on Stylista, drama continues as whiney Kate gets even whinier. In fact, she’s almost over-taking Megan as the show’s most annoying character. Meanwhile, Anne Slowey introduces her Mini Me. A cardigan AND a string of pearls!? Must be a Golden Girl in training.

This week on Gossip Girl, we focus on Jenny for the second week in a row in this filler episode that hopefully is just setting things up for better plots to come. J Humphrey Designs. Call 917-VERY-FUG.

This week on Survivor: Crystal is surprisingly not terrible. I know!

This week, there was big news about our Real Housewives of Atlanta, or specifically, our NeNe. NeNe got the big plug from Anderson Cooper on the Ellen show! I never watch the Ellen show, but for some reason, I happened to be watching on election day, and when Anderson started in on that, “Honey, I [...]

***Please welcome our newest recapper, miss CHERIE! 50 cent is giving fourteen would be entrepreneurs a chance at $100,000.00 from his own bullet riddled pocket. All they have to do is survive 9 gunshot wounds and a stabbing or two. Ok not really. They have to compete against each other and prove they have what [...]

Dear Gasmii, This week, it is fully confirmed that our fighters have failed to grasp the fundamental reasons behind the separation of kitchen and bathroom. Seriously, how limited do you have to be to grasp the concept that what goes into a body should not get mixed up with what comes out of a body? [...]

“Do I look like I give a shit?” Monday night, while the world was busy fretting up a storm over the Presidential Election, MTV hatched an evil-genius plan to sedate, confuse and stupefy any and all viewers who happened upon the channel. Distracted by shiny fake tans and retarded storylines crafted by a production intern, [...]

What. The. Fuck. Seriously, what the fuck? ‘Nuff said. This picture says the rest. Now let’s get the hell into it….

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the behind the scenes drama was much more shocking and unpredictable than the actual on-screen drama. To catch everyone up, this past week ABC fired Brooke Smith, the actress who plays Erica Hahn, and this week’s episode will be her final show. They are blaming this on the lack of [...]

Episode two leads off with process group. I was surprised that only one member was going through serious withdrawal (Nikki McKibben). Apparently the detox process really varies from person to person and substance to substance when it comes to both onset and duration. Some people start getting sick right away, while others have a lag [...]

This week, ANTM flits over to Europe. Which obviously means lots and lots of nudity. Unfortunately, Nigel stays dressed while Mizz Jay’s the one to disrobe. Twice. P-Dubs: “Ahhhh, so Isis DID teach you a thing or two!”

Dear Crabby: What is life? Dear Couch: Tico, a.k.a. the Rambutan! No, really, check it on Wikipedia. AFTER your read my recap, the other TVgasm recaps, all the TVGasm news, and all of the TVGasm forum threads. TVGasm is life! (thus ends my sucking up for the week) Seriously, don’t eat those, Ms. Size Not [...]

What are we, chopped liver? I know, I know. A week without me. And we’re already down to the final six! Are we really picking them off this quickly? I feel like we were just getting started on crazy adventure to find lust (with girls) and love (with men). This week the men attempt to [...]

Welcome back gang, for the not-so anticipated return of 90210! In the interim, I was thrice married (and subsequently divorced, I don’t want to talk about it), had some plastic surgery, cryogenically froze myself for a spell, and ate my weight in Mallomars. Seriously, CW? 3 Weeks mid-season? And yeah, whatever, you may have finally [...]

My BFF and I attended our high school’s 20-year reunion this past weekend (Go Cardinals!… or… whatever the hell our mascot was) and although I worked out obsessively and ate nothing but Tic-Tacs and Diet Dr. Pepper for the entire week before the event, I somehow did not magically lose the extra 60 pounds I’m [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny’s mullet takes center stage as she befriends Mini Coop, shoots daggers of hatred at Eleanor through her raccoon eyes, and trades being molested by one creepily older dude for another. “Welcome to the NYC, bitch!”

Last week Toni Braxton was eliminated. Tom Bergeron claims that it’s a reminder that one bad dance can mean the end, but I think it serves as a reminder that America is stupid and despite what I read on HowIsObamaDoing.com, I will remain anxious until next Wednesday. I mean, I understand Cloris Leachman’s entertainment appeal, [...]

This week on House: an insomniac man, a white-trash pregnant woman, and a sassy teenager. Hey, if you haven’t seen it in the movies already, it’s new to you. So what are we waiting for? A middle-aged guy argues with his teenage daughter while making coffee in 4 different coffeemakers. They stare at each other [...]

Dear Gasmii, It’s always heartbreaking to think what might have been. This week we focus on a young, talented, pretty boy fighter, who so easily might have become that icon that mma fans everywhere either wanted to be, or wanted to bump nasties with, or, for those narcissists out there, wanted some combination thereof. Sadly, [...]

Hello darlings, and welcome back to The Real Housewives of Atlanta! Well, we all know what tonight is – DeShawn’s big diamond gala that’s going to raise a million dollars for DeShawn to go shopping with and raise her self-esteem. I mean, the underprivileged girls’ self-esteem. Nothing says inspiration like a stupid, spoiled, classless ho [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy something miraculous happened. The full crew of Seattle Grace teamed up to form a unit of one. No longer, every man for themselves but all hands on deck for a common goal. This unit was formed to, well yes…perform a massive medical procedure, but more importantly the full team joined [...]

It’s the week of Halloween so, naturally, our fav platinum whores on Girls Next Door are decorating the Playmate house. Why didn’t the producers decide to air this tres trivial episode last week and air the actual freakin’ Halloween ep this week? I can’t say for sure, but I think I heard a certain maniacal [...]