POSTS TAGGED: funny

Dear Crabby: Is it possible Ugly Betty has redeemed itself from last week? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: In the words of Homer Simpson, “Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!” because yes, they did! And I’m not just saying that because I’m high on Benadryl, either. -Crabby We begin this Ugly Betty much where [...]

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the most athletic of men. When I’m motivated, I can get the hell up on a stage and shake my 250 pound ass so hard to the beats of Janet, Beyoncé and Rihanna that other people get injured… and then other times I find myself [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, new friendships emerge, old friendships splinter apart, and Dan is one God-awful writer. I dare you to read this without wanting to stab yourself in the eye.

Ahoy hoy, Gasmi! My sincerest apologies for the lack of recap last week gang, but it was Spring Awakening’s opening night and hearing “Momma” again literally drove me into a rage-induced coma. Anywhoodle, we are back with a vengeance (and with an interesting episode to boot)! But before we delve into episode 6, here’s a [...]

This week of House is brought to you by Episode Formula #4: Doctor Sees Self in Patient. You may remember that we got the same formula in the premiere, to less than stellar results. Does it work this week? Read on! Playing the Patient: Breckin Meyer, who I really like. Playing the Doctor: Louie. Finally [...]

Hey Gasmii, Here we are down to 16 ‘contendahs’; 8 semi heavyweight and 8 lightweight, all about to take up residence in the Training House. Let the dysfunction begin… Boys will be boys. And, with that mildly titillating beginning, let’s all down the obligatory and medically necessary sedative of our choice and take the jump…

And we’re off! To the races, and also to jail. Mahone gets got, but do the Superfriends let him rot in jail or risk their mission to save him? Okay, you can probably guess the answer to that. But wow, a busy day for Team Justice! Two Missions: Implausible in one episode, and we still [...]

Last week’s outrageous 6 hours of Dancing With The Stars resulted in the ousting of “comedian” Jeffrey Ross and professional handsome man Ted McGinley. I just have to say. Poor Jeffrey. Getting poked in the eye and then summarily kicked off the show. That’s gotta hurt. That glitter patch hurt us way more than it [...]

Sometimes I sit in my cubicle at work and stare off into space having one of my many Lottery Fantasies… one of which involves having my own adult film production company (mercifully for you, O Beloved Gasmii, I will not go into detail about it other than to say it would feature hefty men like [...]

This week, the final four designers on Project Runway blow the judges out of the water and prove to America that this isn’t the worst season ever. Why else would Nina be making this face? She’s brought out the cow print. We’re screwed.

This week’s ANTM/Hoolia co-sponsored lesson: You know you’ve been feeling guilty about your recaps when Top Model infiltrates your dreams. Yes Gasmii, I’m sad to admit that last night, I had my first (and let’s pray to Tyra, my last) ANTM-related dream. I’ll spare you the lame details because face it – everyone thinks their [...]

Time for part 2 of this week’s Kitchen Nightmares, or really the second of two entirely separate episodes. I love me some Gordon Ramsay, but I hope he doesn’t make a habit out of this. The relationship is getting a bit serious. I need a little me-time. Aw, come on…don’t look at me like that…

“So, here we are, frenemies.” This week on “The Hills,” nobody is dating anybody, LC doesn’t care, and Heidi is in perfect mental health. Yeah right! Join me, won’t you, to find out which blonde ends up with the sunlight streaming through her golden tresses as she sobs silently by the end of the half [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives, Bree is now Martha Stewart, Katherine is now bitter(er), Lynette is now Lynette, Edie is now back, Susan is now Gabby, and Gabby’s now “fat.” And still, people keep running over on time and robbing McClutzky of her bits. HEATHENS!

This week on Kitchen Nightmares, G-Ram stacks two completely independent episodes in a two hour block for no apparent reason. All the obnoxiousness you can eat, after the jump. What? You don’t see my strongly linked themes of erm…family togeth…umm…strength in advers…oh, fuck it. Let’s just do this bitch.

This week’s episode of Making the Band is full of gag-inducing lovey dovey Dawn and Que moments. So before you start this recap, this is your warning to go ahead and take some Pepto to protect yourself from all the syrupy saccharine. Also in this episode, the girls straddle horses and another girl straddles Brillo! [...]

Dear Crabby: Ohmygod ohmygod I’ve been waiting all summer for the season premiere of Ugly Betty. Will it be as good as I hoped? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: I’ve been waiting all summer for it too and realized I may have been a little too hyped up for the premiere when I realized I [...]

This week on The Island, KellyAnne shows us she’s stronger than we thought, Robin shows us that she’s very emotional, and Rachel…. Well, Rachel shows us her “Oh-Face”

In the world of Design, there is a fine line between looking chic… and looking like you take it up the ass. Well, actually, no, there really isn’t any difference between the two, and that’s why a lot of straight-male bachelor pads are probably “decorated” with generous quantities of dirt, body hair, stiff kleenex and [...]

This week on I Love Money, we find out what happened on that suspenseful cliffhanger! You know, the one that was spoiled instantly if you watched VH1 at all during the week? Yeah! I’m all aflutter!

Hey everyone. It’s time for Survivor again! After an excellent season of Big Brother this summer, I won’t be using this episode to wash the reality taste out of my mouth, as I’ve become so used to doing after these long, dry summers. I’ve also never been happier to have my HD television, although in [...]

Clearly, ‘Gasmii, I couldn’t stay away. I’m back. Sylar’s back, and hopefully you’re back at your work computer, snacking on some Twinkies or Pringles and pretending you care about unlocking more Excel spreadsheet functionality when you’re actually reading this. Because Tim Kring decided to doubleteam me with back-to-back hourlong episodes for his premiere-a-palooza, you’ll have [...]

I just got the WORST manicure in the history of the world and I’m pissed, so I’m more than ready to watch eight back-to-back bitch smacking, low down, hair pulling, face scratching, genital kneeing “fights”. Seriously… Do… Not… Fuck… with my nails, hair, clothes, or accessories. Incompetent manicurists and incompetent “contendahs” should both be locked [...]

Tonight on Dancing With the Stars, we learn that America hates gay blind people and loves eighty two year old sluts! God bless us! This is a pic of me and my friend/DWTS partner KrankMills. Guess which one’s which!

Let’s get right to it, huh? I thought last week was sort of an average episode, the typical “name that disease” formula. This show can certainly do better. Maybe this week? We open on two women playing tennis. The sweat and hair are flying but I don’t hear any squealing or grunting. I thought that [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, the crew returns to school, and even with minimal Blair-Chuck interaction, we have the best episode of the season thus far! “You know, I’m getting really sick of how strict the dresscode is here, Dan.”

Made you look! Our good friend mamabird commented a couple of weeks ago that this show was getting very Burn Noticey, and it totally is. I love Burn Notice because it’s got that awesome breezy smirky 80s vibe going; Michael Weston is Magnum PI with McGyvery skills and a touch of Mr. Wizard (“Hey kids! [...]

This week on Project Runway, Kenley’s an a hole. Sorry was that a spoiler? Pointy heads, frizzy hair and under eye bags are in and hot skinny blondes are out. Project Runway for President!

When I was still a practicing Catholic (I say “practicing” because I never got really good at it… you know, the whole “I-go-to-church-on-Sundays-so-that-gives-me-carté-blanche-to-be-a-raging-dickwad-towards-the-rest-of-humanity-the-other-six-days-of-the-week” thing) my little sister and I co-owned a concession stand at the Bingo games on Sunday Night at Our Lady Of Perpetual Help… …except we always called it “Our Lady Of Perpetual [...]

Oh it feels good to be back at the ‘gasm. Thank you to Flipit for thinking of me and bringing me back on board and sharing the DWTS duties with me, because as he said to me, “OMG three two hour nights in a row!?!?!?!?!” Yeah. Yeeeeaaaaaah. The episode starts with the usual fanfare, live [...]

“If I tell you, do you promise not to tell?” Welcome, fellow haters! This week’s zany, WTF-filled episode posed an existential query to us all: Can “The Hills” exist without Lauren Conrad? (That’s like asking if the earth could survive without a vaguely boring, overly blow-dried sun to rotate around.) It also taught us a [...]

On this week’s ANTM, we get all the usual makeover goodness (and hideousness), plus a bonus performance! Nigel’s reluctant understudy

First of all, I would like to apologize for the lateness of this week’s Making the Band recap. In a tragic turn of unexpected events, my two month old MacBook totally crapped out, leaving me MacLess for four days and counting. Don’t worry, I’ve sent letters of complaint directly to Justin Long. Meanwhile, our favorite [...]

This week on a “very special” Kitchen Nightmares, G-Ram finds himself playing the multiple roles of tv personality, chef, and family therapist. We hope this involves a lot of shirt-changes. Sigh. I really need to renegotiate my contract. A family torn asunder, the very first documented “authentic Italian” potato skins, and the softer side of [...]

This week on The Island, Dave suggests ranch is something more than just a flavor, Bananas shows us his rotten side, and I develop a small crush on Abram. I know! I’m as shocked as you are!! Really?

Another year, another Emmys, and another 3+ hours of my life I’ll never get back… Can you feel the excitement?

Let’s hop back aboard USS Crazy, shall we? And who’s the captain? Of course, our friendly octogenarian zombie, Janice Dickinson. Why, might you ask, am I not the Captain? Well, I gave it up after I headed a little voyage called the Spanish Armada. Grew out of it, you know? Lacked enjoyment. Yeah, I’m old. [...]

Well guys, since it’s already Sunday night and there’s a new episode on tomorrow night, this week’s extremely late Gossip Girl recap’s going to be dedicated to Hazel — it’s a midget recap. Blair needs to really reconsider her “O” face.

This week on I Love Money, we start seeing a damn lot of ads for Rock of Love Girls: Charm School 2. I’m as excited about this show as anyone ever could be, but they skanked the girls up really hard for the opening photoshoot. I mean, Heather, really? Really? One of my beloved commenters, [...]

Remember back in the late 90′s when ABC held their “Viva Las Vegas” night, and there was a massive crossover with all their hit shows of the time, between “Coach” and “Ellen” and “Grace Under Fire” and “The Drew Carey Show”? Over the course of two hours you got to see separate episodes of all [...]