POSTS TAGGED: heidi montag

The celebretards are all celebrating their grand opening with grape juice and countless pats on the back. People actually showed up to their grand opening! It’s amazing what people will pay in order to get a first look at a freshly-made trainwreck. Mike and Lonnie claim they don’t want the celebs “checking out” now that [...]

MIssing Juicy J

Lemons

What is this? Another hurdle?

Logo designs! Hint: it’s terrible

In this week’s episode, the gang has big decisions to make: do they want the Lemon Basket logo to be inside a lemon basket icon or do they just want the words Lemon Basket? Four days later they are still arguing over whether or not Ashley is a whore. Danielle can’t let go of the [...]

The celebs have an Ashley-hatin’ forum with moderators, Lonnie and Mike, and drama fuel fine wine. Lonnie and Mike make sure that they are impartial judges stirring up drama to make for some quality reality TV. God bless the editors of this show for splicing together the scene where Danielle claims they addressed the situation [...]

Lemons

Instead of Famous Food this show should be called ‘Everyone Hates Danielle’. Why they gotta be hatin’? She’s just doin what she gotta to get a restaurant up; choosing the menu imposing her own special recipes,  managing the budget keeping the checkbook in her deathlike grip and clutching it between the balloons that sit on [...]

Famous losers

Watching celebrities try to start up a new restaurant is like watching The Little Rascals trying to hold a meeting; it’s adorable how hard they try but at the end of the day they’ll never get that new tree house built. This week’s challenge: Designing the interior of the restaurant. Since no one has pried [...]

Famous Food begins

If you think opening up a restaurant with one bitchy celebrity in charge is hard, imagine 7 bitchy celebrities! You don’t have to imagine anymore as fantasy becomes reality on the newest VH1 endeavor to regain America’s attention, Famous Food. The Dolce Group, which is Lonnie Moore and Mike Malin or two talking heads on [...]

Watch

Flipit, Nads, and J-Mo shoot the shiz

Linkgasm

Hell NO!

Gross

The hump is near.

Tuesday link-o-rama!

Spencer’s jealousy is eating him alive.

I locked her in the car. I know this season was hard to get through, but we did it! We did it together! And somewhere along the way, lost some shitty characters like Bulimia, Troll and Holly. Ah well, better luck next season, bitches! This episode, Kristin says no to Justin then yes. Broahday says [...]

This is what a no-carb diet and PMS looks like This Hills episode, an extra dose of FUCKING APESHIT. Broahday, Kristin and Jayde all schedule lunchley meet and greets and get all up in each others’ businesses. And, HBUD STILL wants a baby, and will stop at NOTHING to get what her hormonal, surgery-laden 23 [...]

This Week: Zombie impressions, alcoholism and a lack of anti-frizz serum A personal triumph for me: I only puked a little today when writing this recap! I think I’m getting desensitized. Anyhoo, Kristin goes home to Laguna to make out with her Dad, while HBUD and Spence have growing concern with Holly being fucking cool [...]

This week, the girls get makeovers. Oh, the Hills. Where would we be without our regular dose of living assery? Probably not in MALIBU, watching this episode, where Justin Bobby finally puts his penis into Kristin’s vagina. Also, Blahdrina is boring and everyone else is dumb.

Thank you for joining me for another episode of I’m a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here! I hope to make this easier for you than NBC made it for me. You’re going down for this one Silverman. You’re officially on my broadcast television shit list after David Caruso, the cast of “Gossip Girl” and [...]

O.Snapp is on vacation this week, so please welcome your sub Hills recapper, Monamonzano! Back to something important- ME! This week, the ramifications of the “Boys” Hawaiian vacation erupts in monumental, melodramatic, man-coholic and often melancholic douchebaggery, Heidi and Spence keep seeing the therapist after another run-in with Stace-face, and Blahdrina gets torn a couple [...]

Doubtless many of you have been watching Michael Phelps and that Nastasia gymnast chick show off their hard-earned physical superiority over in Chinatown. But what you may have forgotten (and I’m here to remind you) is that there are people in this world who have gotten even further in life and in financial stability by [...]

“Are you saying you DIDN’T notice my Bling Hail Mary Glow?” Well, kids, it’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions this season… we’ve been all over the world (well, 3 cities), leapt from internship to career (both with frigidly bitchy bosses), seen LC alienate and passively drop a best friend and roommate (sound familiar?), [...]

You know how on every show, the episode after a big shitstorm episode nothing really happens? Sort of a breather, a catch-up episode? I wanted to say that tonight’s show was one of those… only not enough happened last week to classify it as such. Just the same level-5 drama we’ve come to expect. I [...]