POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

This week on Desperate Housewives: Susan inherits a strip club from Karl. It sounds funny, but it’s really not. Tom goes back to work (again) for Carlos in Lynette’s place. Bree decides to take care of Orson, not because it’s the right thing to do, but because she doesn’t want to go to hell. Atta [...]

Fresh to death. So where did we leave off last time on Jersey Shore? Oh yes, Vinny was rolling around on the hood of someone’s car with this girl, Tonya, who had apparently been on a date with Boss Danny earlier in the evening. Vinny has taken this idea and run wild with it, talking [...]

Welcome back to the first 2010 episode of Ugly Betty! For those of you playing at home, it’s now on Wednesday at 10pm because networks executives are trying to kill this show. We open with a dentist blowing Betty – no, seriously, he’s blowing air at Betty and she’s loving it. No, wait, it’s Dr. [...]

This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott continues to be the biggest douchebag the side of the equator (surprise surprise), Mom is controlling and Bruce is a pansy (surprise surprise), and Robert is a stalker (surprise surprise). Ready to re-learn what we already know about this family? Let’s go!

“Complimentary rose service begins after takeoff.” Hey, do you guys remember JAKE from Jillian’s season of The Bachelorette? He was that airline pilot who was totally intense, fell in love in one date, came back after being kicked off to tattle-tell on Wes for having a girlfriend, then had a tearful hissy fit over a [...]

This week on The Real World, Dorkus gets shot down but picks himself up and gets himself a fug to lay, BiGuy makes out with boys and girls, and Blondie makes out with a pantry full of food. God Bless America. Inside voice.

Happy New Year Gasmi! I hope everyone has sobered up by now. On second thought, just in case this recap sux, bottoms up! If ya need another excuse to drink, here it is. This is Bad Girls Club!

All I have to say about the Real World is it’s like the Mafia. Once you’re in, you can never get out. And at the end of the day, why would you want to?

“We’re like, blood sistas now!” SO! We’ve had two entire weeks to digest the big black screen that represented Snooki getting her lights punched out by a total pig. This week on Jersey Shore we are promised much roomie bonding in the aftermath of said punch. Let’s see what they’ve got.

On this year’s Tournament of Roses Parade, Hannah Storm behaves inappropriately with a puppy and scares children. Mommy that puppy’s crying!

This week on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we learn that Kim’s a pathological liar. Okay, we don’t really LEARN that. But we’re graciously reminded. Also, the gargantuan Kardashian (a.k.a. Khloe) may or may not have a human parasite growing inside of her. Ready for this, Gasmii? Let’s go! I’d puke if this girl procreated [...]

Here we are at the end of Styl’d’s season, and it’s entire run. Can you believe it? Me neither. It’s cheesy, nonsensical, and unintentionally hilarious. I thought that would mean a hit, but apparently young idiots with dreams of being cheezy LA trash don’t make shows that people wanna watch. Scratch that. Poor young idiots [...]

Hello everybody, and welcome back. Did you all have a lovely Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Drunken Depressive Blackout? Did Santa bring you the perfect gift, such as booze and gift cards, or did you wind up with something far less desirable, like crabs or a subpoena? Me, I was busy packing on a [...]

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/whatever holiday you celebrate. Mine was great. Except for all the relatives. Since Bad Girls is a repeat this week I thought I’d hold off on this recap until tonight. (That’s my story and I’m 60% sure it’s true) Let’s go review what happened last week on Bad Girls Club! [...]

Okay Gasmi, we’ve made it through the holiday season, and you’ve probably been bombarded with spiritual messages, what with little spindly Christmas trees teaching the meaning of Christmas to cartoon characters, birth defects allowing small children to be bombarded with toys, and angels getting their wings, but you know what? Screw that noise. We need [...]

What? We’re superstars! This week, more delusion in that the four Jackson brothers actually think they’re worth something. It’s sort of comical seeing them put together Michael tributes that fail and crack totally unfunny jokes, but on the other hand, I want to stab my television screen with a fork as I watch. Also, Jermaine [...]

Hi Gasmi, well another episode of Dollhouse, which means all sorts of lessons. Such as love can conquer all, the best defense is the ability to telepathically nag people, and upper class British women are surprisingly surly drunks. So make the jump and get to the good stuff. What? You got a problem with my [...]

Yes! We’ve made it, Gasmi. What a strange and ill advised season it has been. We started out with what seemed like weeks and weeks and weeks of auditions, moved on to the first ever Meet the Top Twenty show, didn’t get to vote at all for the first couple of weeks, had the year [...]

Remember the time I got really busy with the holidays and posted the finale of The Biggest Loser really late? But because you all love me so much, you weren’t upset? Yeah, sorry ’bout that! Can I appease you with a hot pic of Danny who is looking really fly these days? Is it wrong [...]

MTV does not condone this type of garbage, okay? What time is it you ask? It’s time to HIT the Jersey Shore!

Hey Gasmi, is everybody ready to spend a lot of time examining the most sublime human emotion? What? No, it’s not rage against Al Roker. That’s the most justifiable emotion. No, I’m talking about love, the one four letter word standards and practices doesn’t have a problem with. Oh and Alpha is back and has [...]

First and foremost, babies ruin everything but especially television shows. From Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch, to Albert on Little House on the Prairie, to Murphy Brown and her ancient egg fertilization, we all know it. So it is with some trepidation that I watched this episode of Ugly Betty with the double pregnancy [...]

Dearest Gasmii– Bitches in da house again, yo!!! Of course I’m talking about myself. Bravo is trying to squeeze a few more drops of ratings milk from this show’s saggy, ashy teat, so let’s see how many people I can offend in one last blog! Before I “lose another fan” (and BTW, I consider a [...]

Previously, oops, did I spell that wronged? Fuck it. Don’t care. In the last episode of Bad Girls Club Batshitalie tried to be the L.A. running alpha ho but ended up spending the night in a hotel because she smacked Kendra in the tater. Let’s take a peek and see what’s what this week!

Hi Gasmii– First, thanks to Msjaqmills, bingo boy and uglycutiefor their very flattering and enjoyable comments last week. God bless you for reading and keep ‘em coming! When The CW gives you lemons, all you can do is make spiteful, derisive recaps lemonade. This show needs a major transfusion of twisted, but let’s dispense with [...]

Tonight, on Survivor: it’s two episodes in one! Also, people finally figure out that it might be a good thing to get rid of Russell at some point.

Hey Gasmi, well it’s time to see what our pals in America’s favorite brainwashing facility have gotten up to this week. Oh and Echo almost helps an illegal immigrant get a lethal injection. So quit dawdling and make the jump and see what happens in this episode of Dollhouse. Cuando llego a casa estoy pateando [...]

“Just try to resist all this. Impossible!” It’s time to head back to the Jersey Shore to check in on the trashiest group of jerks on TV! Reading through all of your comments this last week made me giggle really hard and think about a bunch of stuff. I also have to say that the [...]

It is with sadness and regret that I announce…that I had to watch For the Love of Ray J. Last season wasn’t exactly brimming with talent and entertainment but I felt a little invested in what was going on. This time, not so much. I can only hope that Ray J decides to send home [...]

This week on Styl’d, Jen almost beats the shit out of Tara. I said almost. As in, almost Emmy worthy. Come on, Styl’d!! MAKE AN EFFORT!! When Male Pattern Baldness Attacks

I sat down to watch this episode and I said a little prayer that Rumer and Kellyanne would completely humiliate Kenny and Evan. Apparently, the big man was busy answering someone else’s prayers. And it rhymes with Snoozie. And you thought that Rumer’s visualizations were corny.

Hi ‘Gasmii. *sigh* Where does the time go? It can’t possibly be a full six months that we’ve been meeting here to talk about Top Chef in one form or another, can it? Have we really been sitting here for twenty-four weeks straight analyzing the challenges, arguing about our favorite chefs and generally talking trash [...]

This is it kids! The big finale! We’ve learned so much this season: never be a vegan on this show if you wanna make it past the start line, buying a $5 passport-holder might be worth it to win a million dollars, there’s nothing deadlier than a waterslide (especially if you’re dating someone willing to [...]

Look Gasmii, I have a job. A really important job. An advertising job. That’s why this recap is late. So, without further ado, please enjoy my gift to you, the last recap of 90210 of ’09… Sorry, I didn’t have time to wrap it…

Hello sweeties! It’s episode two of Crazy Bitches Gone Wild or as Oxygen insists on calling it Bad Girls Club. It seems we have a special person amongst the group who really thinks she “runs L.A.” Let’s jump on in to Batalie’s head and see what storms are brewing this week! Looks to me like [...]

This week on The Biggest Loser, our remaining four contestants ran a full 26.2-mile marathon. Without training properly. And without any of the cheering fans and drink stops that would be present during a normal race. It’s something that would put ANY normal human being into instant cardiac arrest. I’m about to call Flabulous People [...]

I’m not sure what’s worse, seeing Ugly Betty in a bathing suit or faking us out with a sepia-toned opening in a 1920s unitard once known as a “bathing suit.” Really, it’s a toss-up. Betty is pitching an idea about a feature on the first woman to wear a bathing suit with accompanying photos of [...]

“I knew these would pay off!” Jersey Shore, The Premiere continues. So where were we? Ah yes, Snooki has been pouting in her bed and no one really noticed, which means she’s not getting enough attention and therefore wants to go home and forget the whole thing. If you ask me, packing her crap is [...]

Hey Gasmi, what you been doing with yourself for the past month? Have you been enjoying those Bones and House reruns Fox trotted out for sweeps? No? Well don’t worry because Dollhouse is back, so make the jump and see what’s the newest trend in acceptable work behavior. Because everyone should be able to blow [...]

I could barely sit down to watch this week’s episode. This season has been such a letdown but I’m going to stick it out since this is my duty. Some people fight wars; I watch bad reality TV. This week’s episode picks up where the last one left off. Heartbreaker is lamenting the fact that [...]