POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

Mystery, intrigue and long-awaited for make-out sessions. Plus karaoke, Damages-style! Won’t be anything left!

This week, American Idol is not satisfied with monopolizing the air waves during its eighteen thousand hours of scheduled time and bleeds its bloated ass into my show. This. Is Hell’s Kitchen, dammit. Get off my TV NOW Please!!!!

Welcome back all you fiercelings! I finished that last recap at 5am and had to get some sleep. I dreamt about an army of big-eyed, tacky-nailed, constantly-crying, super-bitchy skeletons who were chasing me all over The Forum Shops while shouting random insults at my hammer-toed feet and trying to stab me with pickle pens so [...]

Dear Gasmi, I don’t know what it is about these women, but they definitely bring out my decadent side. I’ve got Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream swimming in Bailey’s with a mound of whipped cream on top. I’m guessing that none of those ingredients are in Bethenny’s Naturally Thin book, and you know [...]

   Greetings Gasmii! Sorry for the delay in getting this recap into your hot little hands…but it was a BEAST of a 2 hour episode and life got in my way a little this week. Luckily, things are sorted out on my end, which is less than I can say for President Taylor, who learns [...]

Seriously, Brothers and Sisters? You seriously promised me a birth and a death in this super special two-hour movie event, and then no one fucking died? Not Saul or even stupid Tommy. No one. Guh. And now I’m sick, so if I seem a bit more cranky than usual, blame the stupid promo monkeys at [...]

Tonight on The Shitty: Whit-Whit has a horrible week: first she gets screwed over by Olivia at work, then she doesn’t get screwed at all from Jay when she gets home, because Jay may or may not be screwing someone else, whose name rhymes with Banielle. That’s pretty much the ep, although Allie moves in [...]

Welcome back onboard the Rock of Love Bus! Got your pasties and tube socks? Sounds crazy, but trust me, it’s the perfect ensemble for tonight’s installment. This was one of the best Rock of Loves ever. Top Heif

Tonight on American Idol, dreams are stamped out at twice the speed! I’ll still take your credit card number, honey. Don’t cry. BUY.

Hey-Ho to all of you Tyra-ites! This is J-Mo, and I’m here to serve as your faithful acolyte as we once again become devotees at the Altar Of Stick-Thin Bitches Who Never Eat. Yes, it’s time for Cycle Twelve of America’s Next Top Model…, where 2 Tic-Tacs and a Marlboro Light is considered “lunch”, where [...]

Ugly Betty opens with Betty trying to get a picture of herself for her Facebook page. She can’t seem to get a good one, go figure. She’s trying to get it uploaded before her next YETI class (I’m over typing the periods between the letters), and I’m just wondering how this program is going for [...]

America’s Sweetheart Wow, where to start with the latest installation of The Bachelor? Tonight Jason Mesnick blew up in America’s face and left grody little pieces of himself all over our TV screens. Let’s get started.

Little Miss Perfect is a new reality show about children’s beauty pageants. I know, I know I hear the groans. But really Gasmii, we can’t only write about well behaved mature men like those on “Confessions of a Teen Idol” we need to explore the outer limits of the human psyche. The outer limits includes [...]

They’ve said goodbye to their families, they’ve put their jobs on hold, and they’ve abandoned their every day lives. What selflessness! Who will be the next Jesus? No one knows. In the meantime, THIS. Is American Idol! You were really relevant tonight, dawg.

Guess what Gasmi? I can breathe again! I’m still alive and ready to fight through another episode of crazy bitches. But enough about The Golden Girls, lets jump into the Bad Girls Club!

Dear Gasmi, This week Christian Siriano makes a cameo as JZ’s mother, Bethenny gets on the single girl train, Ramona reveals her inner roid head, the Countess embarrasses nobility everywhere, and Kelly is meh. I dream of a world where dogs can chew bones without worrying about staining their clothes. Got your skinny girl margaritas? [...]

I just moved into a new apartment this weekend, so I recap this week’s episode of Making the Band entirely from a small plot of room in front of the front door and leaning up against a full length mirror. This is the only spot where I can clearly steal a WiFi signal from the [...]

This week on the Real World Brooklyn, the boys act like bitches, and not just the gay one. This is what we’ve come to.

This week on I Love Money 2, we find out that these people have trouble putting their mouths in action! Considering the nature of this show, the whole core of VH1 is shaken.

On this week’s Lost, Locke tries to convince the Oceanic 6 to come back to The Island, Widmore shows some Tunisian hospitality, and Ben decides he should never take a job working at a suicide hotline.

Tonight on American Idol, Uncle Phyllis goes back to teaching volleyball at an all girls school and the In and Out stays one Chola safer for at least another couple of weeks. Sorry Gay Best Just Friends, you have been replaced by a Christmas Ham in an Elvira wig.

This week, Hell’s Kitchen starts pretty much where it left off. Did I stutter? Suck it Bitches!!

Dear Gasmi, When I was a little yenta, I had a childhood fantasy of standing on a big stage in front of thousands of people and asking the question “To be or not to be?” People would argue back and forth in front of me for a while, but ultimately I would get to decide [...]

Hello Gasmii, sorry for the late recap, I have been busy procuring some employment and I had no idea how much a new job would cut into my recapping! Thanks for your patience, I recap much better when I can pay bills and you know, afford to eat. This week, a new Meade joins the [...]

We’re in a room with late-afternoon sort of sunlight, which is probably the director’s way of saying this is a flashback. Closeup of a doctor talking to a pair of new parents, saying ominous things like “genetic mosaicism”, “ambiguous genitalia” and “normal life”. It seems their baby was born not just with both sets of [...]

Tonight on Top Chef, Ilan wins. And food loses.

It’s difficult to say goodbye to friends you make at summer camp, even at band camp. So how will these 7 Idols say goodbye and what have they learned? Did their lives really change and just what is the big surprise for each of our Idols? Just like “The Wizard of Oz” our Idols will [...]

   Greetings Gasmii! This week’s episode of ’24′ was very stylized and moody. There were a lot of intense, lingering shots of facial expressions meant to convey each character’s inner turmoil. The whole time I was watching, I imagined them bursting out into musical numbers during those very very very emotional moments! So, without further [...]

A Welder. A bartender, A font designer (that’s a job? Who made wingdings?). A comedian. A fortysomething year old, and a musical theater queen with an Elvira wig. THIS! Is American Idol!

Welcome back to the Rock of Love Bus! It’s time for Bret’s favorite challenge, Mudbowl. Unfortunately, I’m not much of a fan or football or mud, so I’m focusing on Bret’s private jet concert date, which just might go down in dating show history as the best date ever. Flash me something for a backstage [...]

Howdy there Gasmi! After last weeks recap show I am back and anxious to dive right in to this new episode. Not really, I actually have the flu and sitting up and typing makes me want to cry but thats just how much I love you guys. Let me crack open a new case of [...]

This time on The Shitty: The gang heads to Miami, where Jay runs into an ex, causing tension (mild tension) with Whitney; Allie acts unstable like always and she and Adam come to an impasse; and Olivia isn’t in this episode at all! Mwahahahahaha! Kiss!

And here’s the proof. Where to begin? This episode started out normal enough, or as normal as a show about drag queens can be. More bitchiness, more ego fueled blather from our showgirl, Shannel and plenty of fabulous hair and makeup. Then it took a turn into “oh no!” unexpectedness. We had a reference to [...]

The cliffhanger from last week’s Making the Band was whether or not Danity Kane would give it another try. I have a feeling that this will be the cliffhanger at the end of every episode for the rest of this season and for many seasons to come.

Gasmii, what can I say? This week’s Toddlers & Tiara’s pageant is the Chitlin’ Strut and I actually had to pay $2 to download this heinousness from iTunes to get some pictures for you, that is just how much I love you. What they don’t picture are the actual chitlins, which according to Wikipedia are [...]

Dear Gasmi, If this season is anything like last season there’s going to be parties and fights, gay husbands and bargain basement royalty, wannabe socialhos and wannabe strait husbands all competing for approval and adulation in the public eye. That would be us, Gasmi. Am I ready to adulate? Hell no, this is the Gasm, [...]

This week on I Love Money 2, the cast turns up the heat! That’s judging by Saaphyri’s face, at least, because I can’t find any other excuse for this look.

Coke busts and dirty tradings and hookers, oh my! Plus, lots and lots of Uncle Pete until, well, you know… Back off, senile. Becker wasn’t nominated.

This week on Lost, Jack gets Sunday-schooled, the Oceanic 6 leave on a jet plane, and Locke gets a new pair of kicks.

This week on Hell’s Kitchen, the gang takes a field trip, learn some life lessons about meat and where our food comes from, and we get to enjoy the juicy squishy sounds of vomit. Hope you have those barf bags ready Gasmii!!