POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

***Please welcome Cherie with Tuesday’s American Idol! Tonight we are in Jacksonville Florida. Home of the Dawg y’all! I’m sure we will see lots of pictures of Randy and his fans. Not to mention the horror that is every audition. Let’s get to it!

This week on the Bad Girls Club…Boston loses her shit over gummi bears, Geezer Bait wants to bang a fossil, Sarah pees on a tree and the new girl Ashley arrives. Oh yeah, and The Amber’s are to blame for everything. Here we go!

Greetings, gasmii! VH1 has once again decided to grace us with their grandest show of all, I Love Money! Join me as we take a look at the cast of season two, the jerkiest of all reality jerks. That could be a competition in and of itself.

Dear Gasmi, After a crayayzy week in Chicago dealing with family matters, I am so happy to be back in the warm, fuzzy world of the Gasm. Not that Chicago isn’t great, I love Chicago. I had deep-dish pizza, prime rib, cheesecake, and met the Anti-Christ. No, I’m not kidding. I’m happy to tell you [...]

*****Please welcome Ack to the family with her kick ass Lost recaps!! For your geek theory fix, join Greybishop and Flipit every Thursday night for the Lost podcast! For instructions on how to join in, click here. Enjoy! The fifth season of Lost kicks off with some mind-bending physics, crazy ninja moves, a few blasts [...]

My old Kentucky hairdo Tonight auditions are in Louisville, Kentucky – home of the Kentucky Derby, which is, as Ryan Seacrest tells us, the most exciting two minutes in sports. Wow, that first sentence is a whole load of new information to my brain. Only two minutes? Really? Golf could take a tip from the [...]

Hey House peeps! We’re back from winter break with a new episode of House! My fingers (not to mention my ears) are still sore from recapping last week’s American Idol. Maybe House has a cure for me. Anyway, this recap should have come out at least a day sooner, but I totally missed that House [...]

This week on Damages, Glenn Close scares the crap out of everyone. But in a much kinder and gentler way than usual.

This week on Top Chef, it’s Restaurant Wars, babay! Ahhhhhhh!

Konnichiwa Gasmii! Wow, it’s been an action packed week. Lost came back from hiatus, America’s first black president was sworn in, Lost, I got a new cell phone, Lost. And somewhere in the middle of all that awesomeness we got a new ep of 90210! I hear Preggers’ got a baby But Preggers’ barely got [...]

“Whose heart shall I break tonight?” Tonight on The Bachelor, we reenact National Lampoon’s Vacation, then Jason feels up eight of the girls and finds out that one of them loves bears. Can’t wait? Me neither, come on!

It’s almost lunch time in ’24′ land! This week, we only have an hour to cover. What a treat! I’m still recovering from the carpal tunnel syndrome recapping 4 hours gave me last week. I hope you are hungry for some twists, some turns, a bunch of angry faces, a double-cross or two, and some [...]

This week on The Shitty: Adam may or may not have cheated on his girlfriend Allie, Nevan moves in with Olivia, and everyone talks about how Adam may or may not have cheated on Allie. And then Allie scares the crap out of me with her eyes.

Hey dolls, welcome aboard! The first thing I have to say today is that the Rock of Love Bus theme song is really growing on me. “Please, let me in-tro-duce myself, get my back stage pass, ride my li-mou-sine…” Well, that’s the only line I know but I’ve been kind of humming it all day. [...]

****Our next gasm writer to take AI audition duty is the lovely and talented Mona. Enjoy! Hey all, Please welcome ME, MONAMONZANO, taking you on a magic tour bus through AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS: SAN FRANCISCO. Instead of a lot of LSD and other assorted hallucenogens, it’s voices. Good voices, bad voices. All brought to you [...]

This week our boys have to box with a porn star and then they get to rough it in the woods for what may be the longest two days of their burgeoning reality star lives. And, yes, the title I chose for this episode is from Chris P, our future “Last Comic Standing” reject. That’s [...]

***Please welcome your winner of this year’s Auditiongasm, Flo! After much anticipation, everyone’s favorite polygamists are back and they’re not wasting any time puttering around in the season premier of Big Love. They’ve got some thick Mormon drama cooking for us from the jump.

Tonight on the hundredth episode of Desperate Housewives, we get lots of closeups of wigs n’ weaves and Beau Bridges wears a lot of plaid. Just stopped by to ask you to vote no on spreading the wealth around.

This week on the Bad Girls Club…..the bitch is back y’all! I for one haven’t been so happy to see a bitch since that time I pulled into Taco Bell and thought they were closed. Just as I began to wail Why God? WHY? an angel appeared in the window and took my order! God [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the role of the overprotective mother is being played by Bailey. As she watches over Jackson, our sweet dying patient from last week, Arizona comes rushing down the hall. This is a 911 page at 2AM Arizona, stop running and start skating. Arizona makes up for her lack of skate [...]

Hey Gasmi, and welcome to this week’s edition of Who’s the Biggest Idiot?, or as NBC likes to call it, Momma’s Boys. Behind door number one, we have Michael and Lorraine. Lorraine is desperately trying to get Michael’s attention away from a blonde porn star to a brunette, and unbeknownst to her, porn star. Hair [...]

Dear Gasmi, This week Bravo has hit a new low. It’s sad when women with all the advantages of living in Orange County are outclassed by the Clampetts from The Beverly Hillbillies. No matter how drunk Gretchen got on their grain alcohol, you know Granny wasn’t going to stand for any foolishness from her menfolk. [...]

This week on Top Chef, Jersey gets its color back. Snapped.

This week on the Real World Brooklyn, everyone learns something. Still with me?

The City this week: Whitney goes out to lunch with some non-gay dude from DVF, which causes Jay to reach a milestone or benchmark or whatever in their relationship; Erin says bye to Duncan; and Olivia pouts. Straight guys? Boring.

This week on Desperate Housewives, Edie and Susan get locked in a basement, Lynette finds out where Porter’s hiding, Gabby deals with the girls on her own, Bree butts heads with her gay-son-in-law, and Mike and Katherine get closer. And this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. Oh yeah, and I fell [...]

‘Sup Gasmii! Welcome back to another craptastic episode of 90210. It’s been a long and busy week for me at work. I didn’t even have time to work on this during business hours!! I was stressing out about not being able to provide you, my faithful reader(s), a decent recap. Then I remembered that American [...]

Anti-government hackers infiltrated TVGasm.com Headquarters and kept the site from updating for over 24 hours. Luckily, they were thwarted and all critical data was restored. If you missed Part 1 of the ’24′ Season 7 Premiere recap, you can find it here. Thanks Chloe! Part 2 follows…after the jump!

Dear Crabby: What the hell? Have you forsaken us for alcohol…again? Dear Couch: Sort of. I know, I know, it’s been almost a month, but blame it on the holidays and their inevitable reruns that there have been no new Ugly Bettys! Plus, in my area Ugly Betty was pre-empted by Marlo Thomas and her [...]

“Let me get a look at those birthing hips…” Ah, here we go with week two of The Bachelor. We have whittled it down from the Trashy Twenty Five to the Fortunate Fifteen and this week it’s time to start nit picking those ones to death and sending them off one by one, forever ending [...]

Nessie, explaining quantum physics to Nole. This week, True Beauty, features Vanessa Hudgens, I mean Manillo, as a personality-less troll with some serious facial expressions and the kiddies get to give to cherity. And by charity, I mean someone besides Chelsea.

Welcome everyone! It’s me, J-Mo, taking a short break from the slutty skanky buysexual Ikki Twins over on MTV to bring you my take on one of the most astonishing television shows of the millenium… the FOX juggernaut that is… American Idol… …where the slutty skanks are apparently taking over as well… Yes, it is [...]

It’s the Real World Brooklyn, yo! This year’s theme is After School Special. But do have quite a bit of ignorance, annoying people and a transgender roommate to spice things up. Don’t bother trying to get in a cab, they really don’t go there, but keep reading for the update on the latest true story [...]

Hello again my beautiful babies! So, last week in the comments section, I believe we came to two conclusions about Momma’s Boys: 1) This show is sooooo scripted 2) this show is sooooooo awesome and we can’t stop watching. So suspend your disbelief because the crazy is in full swing this week, and let’s do [...]

Dear Gasmii, I’m so sorry this week’s recap is late. What can I say? Manual labor does not agree with me and invariably leads to massive injury. Let me tell you, being stuck flat on my back is not helping me lose the holiday weight. On the other hand, those painkillers sure do make watching [...]

Previously on Top Chef, the Christmas spirit overtook Daddy Tom and he served up some sugar after basically calling everyone a bunch of low level line cook hacks. Just when they thought all was lost….”YOU’RE ALL STAYING! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Then the chefs erupted into a huge, joyous party and hugged and thanked baby Jesus for [...]

Ohhh, my dear sweet ‘Gasmii, what a week this has been… My day job is treating me like a stiffened sex-kleenex (as in, they really don’t want to even acknowledge that I’m on the floor… but they’re not above trying to use me to clean up some tacky mess that someone else left behind), my [...]

****One of our favorite shows is back on TV with a vengeance! Please welcome Linds with Damages!! Damages is back and look who’s got her big girl pants on? It’s little Ellen Parsons, all grown up and still working for Patty Hewes, although this time she’s working undercover with the FBI to take Patty down [...]

Aw shucks. I can still fall in love! Welcome back to The Bachelor! I’ve been on hiatus and missed you guys! I’m so ready for another round I can hardly stand it. Let’s go!

***Please welcome your newest 90210 recapper, MONES!! HOLLA! Mones here, bringing back everyone’s favorite cheap imitation of the real thing…