POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

In my tremendously exciting and stimulating day job as a Medicare D Claims Analyst / Adjuster (*snort*.. my job title has the word “anal” in it…) I am often forced to tackle projects with a “teammate” or “partner”. Sometimes this pairing is super-simpatico and the two of us spend our planning sessions eating Chex Mix [...]

This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad and Trust Fund fight like 7th grade girls. Madison tries to sell some land. Chad finds a house for a family friend and his mom creeps me out. Trust Fund spends time with granny and attempts to make the biggest sale of his life. In the end, all [...]

Advice for Linc’s stunt double: Demand a bonus every time they hit you with a car. So hey, sorry about missing the first week of school, how tacky is that? A hurricane blew out my electricity for a week, you see, so my circumstances were totally extenuating. [Update: the posting of this recap was delayed [...]

In this week’s episode of ANTM, there’s a lot of bickering and bitching, a lot of people sticking their noses where they don’t belong, and a lot of accusations fly about everything from racism to fake tatas. It’s all in a day’s work! “I do not get paid nearly enough.”

Welcome back kids for another exciting installment of 90210! Episode 3 brings us lots of new goodies, including; countless TERRIBLE Naomi faces, more Ethan being adorable, Ty being adorable but I still like Ethan better, Debbie wishing her Beverly Hills family was more like Full House, and the glorious return of the devil (aka Kelly’s [...]

“How many copies do you think my album will sell?” Tonight on Date My Ex… we have arrived! We have reached the end of this ludicrous journey and have only one more hour until we know all! It’s been a long week of nail biting, pacing, foot tapping, and tears, but at last it’s Monday [...]

This week on Project Runway, Carmen still has trouble making friends, Kenley gets her model a boob job, and Keith gets another chance to charm our pants off. Anyone?

And neither do we. Previously on The Hills, Heidi was weak, Spencer was an intolerant brat, and LC was a frigid non-bitch. Tonight on The Hills, a double recap! Lucky you. Because I was surprised by the special new episode right before the MTV Video Music Awards, you get a double dose of my snark [...]

Previously on Big Brother, my heart was ripped from my chest, eaten by a jackal and then pooped out in a muddy alley in Cincinnati. I’ll never love again. “I don’t wanna close my eyes. I don’t wanna fall asleep, ’cause I’ll miss you babe, and I don’t wanna miss a thing……”

After only two episodes of this show, I have fallen deeper in love with Tabatha Coffey than I already was before! What is it about searing criticism delivered with a foreign accent that makes it so much more palatable? I don’t know, but I, for one, find it incredibly fascinating… and I think the next [...]

This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad gets some bad news about Cuttino’s house. Madison, in the most boring segment yet, sells a house to some spoiled rich kid. Trust Fund, on the other hand, comes across as almost sympathetic. I know, right?! Let’s get started so we can get ended. When a fat stinky [...]

***Letter from the Editor: Please give a warm welcome to your newest recapper and one of your faves from Auditiongasm, AuJew! For the very special, 2-hour premier episode of Kitchen Nightmares, Chef Gordon Ramsay revisits last season’s biggest train wrecks to see if any of the people he scared shitless have yet to regain control [...]

Have you noticed that this season of Making the Band is following the EXACT same pattern as last season??? In both seasons, we started off with a confrontation between Diddy and Orangebrey over Orange’s “problem child” behavior. And then there was a lot of bitchassness, and it was revealed that Brian had anger management issues. [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, Memphis shows sick tendencies, Dan poses a lot, and Jessie sweats off even more weight.

This week on I Want To Work for Diddy, the teams have to deal with Diddy’s tyrant of a mother as well as his menagerie of children, before treating us to the most bizarre and hilarious elimination ceremony yet. “Puff Daddy… P Diddy… Sean Combs…. can someone please tell me who this Walk of Fame [...]

When I was a wee lad just 15 years old, I told my mother that I wanted to “redecorate” my half of the horrible basement room I shared with my older brother. The people who had lived in our house before us had been extremely patriotic and had wallpapered the room in an eye-searingly hideous [...]

This week on I Love Money, the challenge is so earth-shatteringly gross I gagged many times while discussing it! This was charming to everyone near me, as I wrote most of this recap in a train station. Hello, world! Enjoy my mucous!

Hey there, Gasmii! It’s been a week now, and I’ve mostly recovered from the finale of Shear Genius and am dealing with my feelings regarding the outcome (i.e. with Lesbiana Dee winning the title of “Shear Genius”… and that’s great for her, I just feel like in her case it really should be called “Shear [...]

Okay, Gasmii, do you think you can handle another gloriously cheesy season of Top Model? I heard numbers for the excruciatingly long premiere were way down this season but hopefully none of you jumped (space)ship. Cycle 11 is headed back to LA and during the course of this two-hour premiere, viewers were treated to special [...]

Previously on Big Brother, Renny dazzled America with her wigs, dangly earrings, and muumuus. I’m pullin’ for ya girl! Baby Jane grew up to be healthy and happy, contrary to nasty rumors.

It’s been a long summer, but finally — Gossip Girl is back! Nate serving his one and only purpose.

This week on Project Runway, Kenley cries because she’s sick of working for K Mart. Seriously. Let’s go!! Blue Light. WAAAHHHHHHH

“At last. The grand culmination of our charade.” I feel it only fair to warn you that tonight’s episode of Date My Ex takes about 30 seconds worth of information and stretches it into an entire hour of sub-par programming. I kid you not. It is my pleasure to bring to you a retelling of [...]

Well, with the Olympics finished and the DNC out of the way, young people had nothing else remotely political or cultural to do this week. So, they watched a bunch of blondies make scrunched-up, “hmm, that’s a shame” faces whenever they talk about how lame boys are, and Kelly Cutrone secure her position as most [...]

Soooo…didn’t think I was going to have to call a priest over to my house this evening to exorcise the demon babies from my DVR. Thanks a lot, show.

Have you ever met someone who so completely and utterly and pointlessly pushes every single irritation, aggravation and frustration button that you have ever been wired with, mostly all at the same time, and they are amazingly able to accomplish this just by opening their mouth?… …this is him… You’re all in for a real [...]

This week on Million Dollar Listing, Chad goes to Vegas, fights with Victoria, and meets the true daughter of Satan – Lauren. You will hate her. Madison helps a friend buy a house and deals with his sexual issues in a very After-School Special kind of way. Trust Fund helps people buy a house. I, [...]

The title for this recap has absolutely nothing to do with this week’s episode of Making the Band. I just think Brillo’s name is funny. Donnie KLANG. KLANG?! That’s awesome! Also, my apologies for the lateness of this recap. I had to spend the week at a little convention in Denver. Yeah, D.Woods knows where [...]

Previously on Big Brother, all the jerkfaces were eliminated, and now there are five people left and I really like four of them. That’s not how it’s supposed to happen on this show! Don’t you know I’m supposed to despise every last one of you by now? DON’T YOU? Quick, one of you call somebody [...]

Heer we aaaa! I can’t believe that 10 weeks (and most of the summer) has flown by so damn fast! It seems like only yesterday we were being bullshitted by Motion Lotion Oshun, annoyed by Parker Poser the Prick, gay-baited by Straight Guy Matthew, entertained by Drag Queen Meredith, saddened by Emo Gail, prozac’ed by [...]

Previously on I Love Money, Rodeo rode on home and we found out there are no more teams. No more teams?! How will we ever cope? Find out after the jump!

Tonight on Big Brother, I thought I missed the double elimination because of the stupid election coverage running late and got really really mad and ate half a pizza and then BB came on after all and I felt really guilty and vowed to start dieting again tomorrow. Thankfully, I wasn’t wearing my cross when [...]

This week on Project Runway, I’m older and more spiritual. So suck it. Sebelia cheated. Now on with the judging!

“Welcome to my sexy vat of crap!” Welcome, one and all, to another episode of Date My Ex. To those of you out there with the amazing stamina it must take to keep tuning in to read about Jo De La Rosa as if she were the least bit important, I thank you heartily. As [...]

This week on I Want to Work for Diddy, the teams have to create Diddy-themed viral videos, reminding us why the best viral videos are accidentally and fortuitously captured, and not written by a bunch of “Apprentice” rejects. If Grimace and the Hamburglar had a love child…

“Steady…. don’t make me laugh! Dead puppies. Baseball. The Montauk Monster.” I’m not sure if MTV is still promoting that whole “Rock The Vote” campaign, but if they are they’re doing a very bad job of it (I’m looking at you, Diddy). That’s because last night, as Michelle Obama and Ted Kennedy were giving their [...]

Welcome everyone! This is J-Mo, and I am the wacky fatboy nutjob who has been guiding the ‘gasm through the bitch-infested waters of Shear Genius Season 2 these past two months, which has been extremely rewarding (and sleep-depriving). I was actually a fan of Shear Genius from the beginning, and my absolute favorite stylestant on [...]

This week on Big Brother, Dan takes his “suck hard” strategy to an entirely new sucktacular high. I can’t hear you. Suck louder.

On this episode of Million Dollar Listing: Chad and Victoria are celebrating their one-year anniversary and he has a surprise for her. Madison hires a new assistant and goes on a blind date. Trust Fund (nee Josh Flagg) breaks the law, and no one’s surprised. Some houses are sold, some houses are not, and I [...]

Greetings, gasmii! I’m finding that I worry every week that I Love Money is going to lose its gusto along the way, that maybe this week won’t be as terribly good. What the hell would we do then, right? Not to worry though, every week I’m completely delighted that this show will never run out [...]