POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

Helloooooooo GASMII! I am back from my one-month long vacation that moved so quickly that it felt like it was gone in an MMMBop! And guess who else is back? Diddy and the gang AND a very special guest who just happens to be an extremely dramatic and partly evil choreographer. Any guesses on that [...]

Have you ever been sitting there in your cubicle, staring at an Excel spreadsheet for six hours straight and typing in scads of teeny-tiny figures while the ass-kissing twats in your office yuk it up in the high-walled cube next to yours that contains your boss, skating their way out of doing any real work [...]

“Slade has two swimming pools?” So this week a family member of mine set the DVR to record the Olympics EVERY TIME it was on. This of course, means that the Olympics were recording for at least 12 hours every day and the DVR started eliminating everything else that was recorded, most alarmingly, Date My [...]

Hey Gasmii, on this week’s NEW YORK GOES TO HOLLYWOOD, New York experiences a flavor of the far east in her first commercial shoot. She’s shooting a Japanese spec commercial, and in order to gain a better understanding of a foreign culture she indulges in stereotypical research – for example, going to a dry cleaner, [...]

This week on Project Runway, big girls cry. Well, one does. Zebra print hurts us all, Pleath.

Previously on Big Brother, Renny got a little private time in the HOH room so she could really let her hair down. Smooth sailin’ some days, sometimes just a kick in the rear. But she’s here!

Doubtless many of you have been watching Michael Phelps and that Nastasia gymnast chick show off their hard-earned physical superiority over in Chinatown. But what you may have forgotten (and I’m here to remind you) is that there are people in this world who have gotten even further in life and in financial stability by [...]

This week on I Want to Work for Diddy, the teams hunt down international models too skinny to leave tracks and create an ad campaign for sunglasses no one who could actually afford them would buy. “If I put my arm around a transexual, does that make me gay?”

Hey everybody! So how about that Michael Phelps character? It’s pretty impressive what he did, right? You know what else is impressive? The entire length of his races were interesting, even exciting. I’m pretty sure that nothing in the entire length of Pam: Girl on the Loose is going to be remotely as interesting as [...]

Do you have any friends or coworkers who take way too much time to tell a story? They really only need about 40 seconds for set up and punchline, but some how they drag the tale on until your eyes glaze over and your mind wanders to thoughts of grocery lists and bills to pay. [...]

Welcome back all ye ever-faithful Gasmii who read these insanely long recaps that fly forth from the limp-wristed hands of El Chubbo Homo known as J-Mo. It is so hard to believe that it’s been an entire two months since we began this journey together and watching the fabulously exciting and dramatic Shear Genius on [...]

Well, here we are once again, and I managed to out-write the publishing platform! No matter, I’m getting better at this all the time… when we last left off with our stylestants, they were getting ridiculously drunk and impersonating the previous loozahs of the season (and Bitchy Charlie’s Nekisa impression was to die for!) …honey, [...]

We’re back for another week of I Love Money! I love this show for so very many reasons, but one of the main reasons is that it feels never-ending in a totally good way. These are the reality TV all-stars, they don’t have to give us any of their time! But we’ve got them for [...]

***Letter from the Editor: I received some reader requests for this show, and once I sat down to watch it I couldn’t believe that I needed a few emails to wake my ass up to the situation. I called up Hypnotoad, America’s Most Smartest Model recapper, and dragged him out of retirement. I assigned him [...]

“My old folks home, my rules!” We are back this evening with Round Four of the dreaded Date My Ex. Blonde Bangs takes us through another painful recap going all the way back to when the girls cooked up this whole silly scheme in the first place. We continue through to Jo inviting Zack to [...]

Previously on Big Brother ,Michelle took control and went crazy with vengeance! “This if fah yew, Jessie!”

Hey Gasmii, Last week on New York Goes to Hollywood, New York had her heart broken once again, but instead of Flavor Flav, it was a crew of managers who crushed her soul. After seeing a performance and hitting up the food station/bar, they didn’t have the patience to wait for New York and took [...]

This week on Project Runway, there are actually projects that don’t suck on the runway. Will the rest of the season be teamwork challenges? You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it not act like an asshole.

This week on I Want To Work For Diddy, Diddy tries to convince us that navigating a forest with just a compass and a protractor has something to do with being his personal assistant — while yet again refusing to make a personal appearance. Plus: bigotry, stupidity, and obesity. Try to match that, Trump! Here’s [...]

Well, friends, we made it. I can’t believe it myself. I’m still in shock that The Mole was actually revived in the first place. It was like Christmas, but in the summer, and instead of annoying songs and creepy Santas, we got anthropomorphic citrus and the irrepressible SmugJon.

Dear Crabby, The Baby Borrowers is over. Where can I get my fix? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch, Probably the nearest high school. However, why not consider the awkwardly edited Lessons Learned: The Baby Borrowers? Let’s agree to disagree like the boneheads on this show, except for the ones who are wrong, which is everyone [...]

On this glorious Sunday’s Big Brother, there’s a lot of yelling and screaming and really, really poor English. GlamourShot

As someone who isn’t particularly a wizard with money, I maybe shouldn’t criticize the boyz of Buzzin’ for managing to screw the cash pooch two weeks in a row. But I just can’t help myself. This week, Warren loses and envelope filled with $5000. We’ve all done that before, right?!

***Letter From the Editor:ChickBomb’s real life has taken over and become too busy, so please give a warm round of applause to your new I Love Money recapper, BaileyQuarters!! Greetings, Gasmii! Faithful readers of the I Love Money recaps know this is ChickBomb’s territory, but since she needed to take a break for a bit, [...]

Good evening dearest gasmii, and welcome to another episode of the possibly-well-rated real-ality Bravo TV hair-styling competition show Shear Genius! This was a very exciting week in so many ways. I finally discovered what makes Exotic Nekisa so exotic… she is Iranian! And did you know that she was “Iranian Of The Day” on July [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, a giant sparkly pink bird hatches a fifty something year old hairdresser named Renny. Thanks giant sparkly pink bird! Suck it, Chita Rivera!

Narcissism Celebrated So apparently not enough people have complained to Bravo yet about how horrible this show is, so here we go with another episode of Date My Ex. After a quick look back at last week’s nightmare, we join Jo and her bimbette friends once again at Toast. Brunette Friend wants to know what [...]

Hey Gasmii, I hope you’re all having a great summer. You know, it’s often during these hot months when people decide to drop all logic or sense of humility and move out to LA to start an “acting career”. Some get into porn, some end up becoming trophy wives, some grow pot or sell coke, [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen it’s time… we are at the FINALE. We’ve come a long way. Many have fallen – but four have risen. Who will shine tonight?! Who will make that final stretch to become… AMERICA’S FAVORITE DANCER?!? Hold on to your britches, start chugging the Red Bull (I am) – because there’s four hours [...]

This week, Project Runway has the opportunity to show these Chinese Olympic security guards smashed up boobies and blows it! BOOOOOOO!!! I see knees! LET ME THROUGH!

There are many things that Pam Anderson has done in her career to prove she’s got talent, and she’s shown off those talents plenty. For instance, consider V.I.P. She showed she wasn’t just some bimbo who wore a swimsuit. She showed that she could pull off the hard-hitting world of, um, bodyguarding aided by a [...]

“Where’s my assistant? I need someone to unzip my fly so I can take a leak.” Hellllllo Gasmii! It feels so good to be back after 2 months of self-imposed recapping exile, and to be returning to a show as ripe for mockery as I Want to Work for Diddy. I love Diddy — he’s [...]

Last night on Big Brother, Jesus was marinated in the germs that cause bad breath. Get me some nails.

I bet the exec’s at FOX were fuming that Nigel wouldn’t whip the kids into another 8 group dances to fill 2 hours. Although I’m sure the kids were expecting it – this isn’t cable – it’s So You Think You Can Dance !

Does anyone remember that show Kid Nation that was on TV last fall? It was the one where 40 kids were sent to live in New Mexico and start their own town. And in the end, everyone learns that maybe it isn’t such a good idea to leave kids to fend for themselves because they [...]

Dear Crabby, How many boxes of tissues will it take to get through this final episode of The Baby Borrowers? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch, A lot, but if you tell anyone I admitted to that, I will cut you! -Crabby Well kids, we’ve come to the end of this season of The Baby Borrowers, [...]

Once upon a time, there were seven little stylists who went to the Shear Genius Cosmetology Academy… and they were each assigned very hazardous challenges… but *I* took them away from all of that… and now they work for me… my name… is J-Mo! “… dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss-dt-tss, dooo-de-dooooooo de doo-doo-doo dooo-de-dooooooo de doo-doo-dooooooooooo…” …yes, on tonight’s [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, the term “womanizer” officially becomes an offensive slur. Wait til I call him a commie. That’ll really get him goin’.

This week on Project Runway, Jennifer kicks Audrey Hepburn in the nuts. She deserved it!

“We’re totally over each other.” So here we are, back for another excruciating episode of Date My Ex. We have to first backtrack and watch Jo pretend to be shocked again that Slade has the gall to participate in this ordeal she’s going through – as if they didn’t come up with this together. So [...]