POSTS TAGGED: hilarious

Kids, this episode of Ugly Betty irritated the Crab to no end. It wasn’t just me, either…the scuttlebutt with the other worker bees at the office the following day leads me to believe that this episode caught a lot of people the wrong way, much like many shows are doing lately. Let’s blame the writer’s [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, last week’s jaw-dropping cliff hanger is wrapped up with a neat little bow as both the Humphrey men get a little lovin’. Spotted: Lonelyboy getting herpes.

At this point in the Keeping Up With the Kardashians, there is absolutely nothing I can tell you that happened in the episode that would surprise you. I won’t even waste your time. My boob itches. *This recap is not safe for work, because Kim Kardashian is a whore. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Tonight we get three times the magic! Three times the excitement! Three times the thrills! As any mathematician can tell you, three times zero is zero. Call PETA and arrange a truck to the glue factory, cuz this horse is just about beaten dead. THIS. Is American Idol! Tell us a story, Paw!

“Are you saying you DIDN’T notice my Bling Hail Mary Glow?” Well, kids, it’s been a roller coaster ride of emotions this season… we’ve been all over the world (well, 3 cities), leapt from internship to career (both with frigidly bitchy bosses), seen LC alienate and passively drop a best friend and roommate (sound familiar?), [...]

Such a dork. The night is finally here! The Bachelor – all the way from London, England – is finally going to make up his mind and propose to his one and only true love. Who will it be? Well, first the two lucky finalists have to try and prove themselves to Matt’s British family [...]

Atom bombing. Welcome to the French space disco torture chamber circus. Yeah, I know it’s a lot to take in, but when you’re a modern dancer it’s just another day on the apparatus. How do words really describe the “majesty” of swinging on a giant, silver, atom-inspired structure to Gwen Stefani music anyway? Perhaps the [...]

Hey gasmii, sorry I missed you all last week! I’ve got a good excuse though, really. You see, I was having a huge get-together, and things got a little out of hand. It was basically a Duke lacrosse party, only with lesser odds at getting laid. So, of course the po-po showed up and told [...]

To many Californians, a trip to Big Bear is either 1. mandatory by order of parents or 2. mandatory by order of school field trip. But not for the Dorks and the Bitches; in fact, for them, having the CW send them off to Big Bear is like witnessing the reformation of The Beatles, or [...]

This week on Top Chef, the chefs compete in two all-time favorite challenges while both old (Twitch v. Richard, Fleasa v. soap) and new (Dale v. Evangelass) rivalries emerge. “I only married you for your money!” “I know. And once those start to sag, I’m trading you in for a younger model.”

Hola Chicos, This week we get all kinds of psycho-drama with our past-life regressing, genital switching, chihuahua loving contestants. It’s definitely a chow down, face stuffing week, so grab your booze and chips and take the jump… My husband thinks he’s a chihuahua. A chihuahua, I tell you.

Hello dolls and welcome back to the Real Word Hollywood! On tonight’s Pre-True Hollywood Story, a young man in search of fake reality show fame moves to Hollywood. He rides the heady wave Real World notoriety – VIP status at sparsely attended dive bars on Hollywood Blvd., women with weaves of synthetic yellow, drinking Brandy [...]

Quick! The women are telling all! So I tried, I really tried to come up with anything to say about The Bachelor: The Women Tell All, but seriously, there was nothing new. Stacey was back to explain how embarrassed she was about being such a drunken freak show on the first episode and then as [...]

Lots happened last week on Ugly Betty…but the most important thing (in my mind) is that something is going to catch on fire this week. Hope it’s not the Suarez Hacienda, but I’m loving the drama. Let the crazy begin! “It’s 2 o’clock in the morning, that gives us 5 hours until your next meeting.” [...]

America learns the proper way to give a hickey. Dear Seabreath, Why does my vote matter more this week? It would only matter more if fewer people were voting, but that doesn’t appear to be the case since you claimed that 45 million people voted last week. I may be the only Asian kid alive [...]

You know how on every show, the episode after a big shitstorm episode nothing really happens? Sort of a breather, a catch-up episode? I wanted to say that tonight’s show was one of those… only not enough happened last week to classify it as such. Just the same level-5 drama we’ve come to expect. I [...]

This week on Dancing with the Stars we recover from last weeks high drama (injuries and prom queens gone mad!!) – and jump right into ballroom! And this week dancers are allowed ONE LIFT! Ladies and Gentlemen – prepare yourselves for bloodshed! I love ballroom night! Everyone’s all dressed up – with careers that have [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, we finally get the answers to who is gay, and what dirt Georgina has on Serena. While one of the answers a lot of us saw coming, the other one is a truly jaw-dropping moment (hint: it’s not the answer to who’s gay). “I’m confused… then which one is it?”

Straight Men give better musical theatre action than the gay boys and Mean Gay isn’t even the most annoying one in the house.

In just 5 short weeks, we’ve made it to the semi finals on Rock The Cradle. I’ve gotta say, I like this speedy, kick ‘em off two at a time approach. This week, we’ll trim the fat yet again and get down to the final 3 contestants. Now, a few weeks ago, when the show [...]

Well Gasmii, any episode would be lackluster compared to last week’s Italian Cover Girl Commercial Disaster, but I thought this week’s episode was especially snoozerific. I wasn’t thrilled, but clearly, I was having a better go at it than Mr. Jay was… “You girls are making my botox bill go through the roof!”

Last week’s episode of Hell’s Kitchen was certainly one for the archives as we watched a “professional chef” (Craig) flub up spaghetti! And I thought that pasta was impossible — or imPASTAble — to mess up. Each week, we continue to reach new lows. Maybe you should do something useful with those tears and douse [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! Time to find out who gets the cut, if Cristian will soldier on and if, after all of these years, Def Leopard will still be able to pour the sugar on me. Ick. Chubbers kicked skinny ass last night – that girl has gone from 6′s to [...]

This week on Top Chef, I’m forced to reconsider all my previous assumptions as Nikki almost wins and Yoda almost goes home. Oy. Due to popular demand, I hereby dub thee FLEASA

“These faces have been on your screens for over three months. You know more about these tools than any other season. You are voting more passionately than ever, but one of them has to go.” For a second, I thought Seabreath was breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to me. I was so startled [...]

Previously on Desperate Housewives, the gay kid got one line, the gay couple completely disappeared, and not a lesbot in sight. Yet somehow Desperate Housewives is still the gayest show on television. God bless you Marc Cherry. “Girlfriend, you better get your hot tranny mess ass down here. Seriously, this fire is fierce.”

Keep looking. Have you ever wanted to watch a show where nothing actually happened? I know, I know. You’re saying that you already watch The Hills. But those people are on quaaludes compared to our Paradise Hotel guests. It’s so much more fun to watch nothing happen with aggressive, drunk people! At this stage of [...]

“Look at all these pine trees!” Tonight on The Bachelor we head for Barbados to watch three lucky girls give it up in the hopes of being The Chosen One. Poor Matt. He is just so confused because he has such a brilliant connection with three different women and he has no idea how he’s [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, two new romances bloom – neither of which I could care less about – and we get an hour-long set up for next week’s episode. Oh, Michelle T. Is that really the “Ice Princess” way of doing things?

In this episode of Dancing with the Stars – we mourn the loss of Pri-Pri with a wild west cowboy number! Makes sense to me! Our seven couples enter the stage and everyone looks great. Fancy outfits! Some are are wearing vests, bowties and classy gowns… and Marlee’s wearing tiger print. Someone’s out for blood [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! It’s going to be a fantastic show – James Blunt is performing! You can’t see but I just threw my panties at the TV. Kristi and Jason kicked ass last night. Bruno called Jason a “love God” – so clearly the judges weren’t holding any feelings back. [...]

This week on Top Chef, everyone’s got their mind in the gutter. So that bubble bath thing… could I get in on that, dude?

Tila Tequila is back folks, and things didn’t work so well between her and Bobby. He broke her adorable, bisexual little heart and tore it into a million pieces. So, to ensure that she’ll find someone who can tolerate her myspace fandom, the producers thought it’d be a good idea to scrape the bottom of [...]

When you’re with a ‘sweep, you’re in glad company! This week on Step It Up and Dance a British chimney sweep descends upon our dancers with the mission to prove once and for all that blue collar workers have impeccable rhythm and no need for expensive percussive instruments. No, it’s not Dick Van Dyke and [...]

AND NEXT WEEK, WE’RE SENDING YOU ALL HOME Say what you want about MTV, but there’s no denying it is a network that listens to its audience. I lamented that 90 minutes was far too long of a running time for this over-produced open mike night, and MTV shortened it to a 60 minute program. [...]

Ciao a tutti, e benvenuti a Roma!!! Have you kids been noticing that the episodes seem to be alternating between a fairly lame week and then an explosively awesome one? I love love LOVED this episode and I don’t think it’s just because I’m typing this to you live from bella Roma. I can’t wait [...]

Howza Gasmii, I’m sorry it took an extra day to post this recap. I’ve had a heck of time writing it and I’ve fumbled around starting and stopping it several times. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to write, except that once I write it I know this recapping assignment is over and I’m [...]

There are times on American Idol where you’re left saying “Well, that was quite a shocker”, and there are times that you’re throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming “ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!” Guess what kinda night this was for me?

“I’m so near to fame I can smell it!” Tonight on The Bachelor Matt goes on his hometown dates! For the first time in Bachelor history, we meet a celebrity father. Okay, maybe not really a celebrity, but at least someone who was on the show “Are You Hot?” No, come to think of it, [...]