POSTS TAGGED: Keith Urban

Great news, everybody. This episode will only be an hour long, so we can all squeeze in some Hurricane Nia before bedtime. This episode starts off like Tyson V. Holyfield, with slow music and footage of the contestants slowly turning their heads. If anybody’s going to lose an ear, I hope it’s Kree. That’s not [...]

Only one week left, thank Gokey. To remind us that this program is a joke compared to its competitors, Ryan kicks off the show by interacting with animated characters from a stupid Pixar movie or some crap. I’ve never heard of The Voice hawking Ford Pintos or the Who Framed Roger Rabbit prequel, which might [...]

Hope you all are recovering from Amber’s unjust dismissal last week. I’ve been so upset that this show was dead to me, until I remembered I have a recap to write.  Ryan starts off by welcoming the wise and professional judges, including a blonde Chaka Khan with plumber crack cleavage. He mentions that Mariah clearly [...]

New judges?

We return for the results show after an episode that made everyone question their worldview: Is Randy Jackson not the prolific wizard of vast musical knowledge that we’ve always thought? Could a guest mentor be a better judge than an actual resting-on-his-laurels-for-over-10-years judge? Yes and yes, but I still think Harry Connick Jr. is kind of a [...]

Make some noise for your Top Four! Wait – Top Four?  Oh, that’s right. Last week was an effing joke and nobody went home.   But Babyface (or someone who looks exactly like Babyface) is in the audience, so that makes up for last week’s disappointment. Glad I can see you again, Kenny (get it?). [...]

  The one redeeming quality of this show is that I get to see someone’s heart shatter into a million pieces on live television when they learn that the most they have to look forward to is a three-minute song on a results show next season. Tonight, there were no redeeming qualities. Except maybe seeing [...]

Welcome back, loyal viewer! The show starts with a pre-recorded video of the Top 5 talkin’ ’bout issues and how crazy-cool-medallions it is that they made it to the top five.  A few of them sneak in comments about how it was “America” that voted for an all-woman group. Seems a little fishy that AI [...]

  I’ll leave who the stupid hoe is up to you, but in my opinion, spelling the ebonics pronunciation of “whore” like a garden tool certainly qualifies one for the honor. So, there was an argument on the show last night. I’m not entirely sure what the argument was about – someone claimed they disagreed [...]

    Welcome back, fellow person who still watches American Idol.   So how does one go from the Top 3 to the Bottom 2 in one week? The performances weren’t any more cringe-worthy than they’ve been in the past. If the producers were indeed ballot-stuffing yesterday, I can’t say I blame them. The show [...]

  Welcome back, glitter fairies and unicorns and other things found in Ryan Seacrest’s underpants. This week, the Idol producers responded to the resounding criticism on the internet that all they play is Old Ass Music™ by deeming tonight Burt Bacharach Night. Before we dive into those groovy feel-good tunes, we have to revisit the [...]

  As you can see from the photo above, the dress code the producers issued to the judges was “Evening Gowns or Ratty T-Shirts from Urban Outfitters.” Nicki, always the rebel,  refused to comply. I hope they make her smell Laz’s pits for punishment. The Top 7 perform “Somebody To Love” by Queen. Sounds like [...]

 ”Wonder if Cee Lo makes more than I do?”   It’s been a long hard week of excluding Lazaro from group activities save for the occasional cruel practical joke where he’s the target (you know you’d do the same), but the finalists are ready to roll for Rock Week.  That’s right – Rock. No ballads, [...]

  The show opens with the contestants standing in two straight lines as Ryan goes into some bunk about how the contestants all “come from different backgrounds.” Yeah, they come from all different backgrounds besides the white male kind of background. Way to pat yourselves on the back for your behind-the-scenes race and gender orchestration [...]

Sugar Pie Honey Pile of Steaming Crap Cake. Great news – it’s Detroit Night! Coneys and urban prairie for everybody! Smokey Robinson is in the building, looking younger and fresher than Mariah Carey on her 43rd birthday. Vitamin C serum, people. I’ve been saying it for days (since I saw it on Dr. Oz). I [...]

Don’t cry. There are other too-hot-and-young-for-you fish in the sea.   Sad single Ryan puts on a brave face and shows up for work. Must be hough. Er, I mean, tough. But before we get to see our Top 9, we must endure Carly Rae Jepson’s faux husky sex voice as she moans and groans about soda. Sorry, sexy only works [...]

No urban hangers!!!!! Ryan kicks off the show, accompanied by ear-splitting decibels of teen shrieks.  I feel like I’m at a Michael Jackson concert in Belarus in 1989. Except it’s really a Bon Jovi concert in 2013. Again, I’m completely out of touch with what the young folk are into (or “digging with a shovel”, as I imagine they like to [...]

It’s sudden death…but not the kind that happens to up-and-coming rappers on the Strip. Drive-by shooting leads to 6-vehicle collision; 3 dead It’s been a busy week in Vegas, Gasmii! Not only was there a Tupac-style gundown just a block from where Tupcac himself was riddled with bullets (may he rest in peace), American Idol is in town for [...]

Otherwise known as, “Our last ditch effort to become relevant.” Howdy Gasm guys and gal!  Plockness monster here and I am ready to pitch in and contribute my part in recapping this train wreck known as American Idol.  Sorry y’all, but I haven’t watched a full season since the first AI disaster, so bare with [...]

Group Round Takes Its Toll On The Ladies Hey there, Gasmii! Did everyone have a happy made-up-holiday-to-convince-people-to-buy-cards-chocolate-and-jewelry? I so love that it’s named for a saint to make it seem less…profit-motivated. I spent my Valentine’s Day being serenaded by the ladies of American Idol Season 12, who have descended upon Hollywood in an attempt to earn a [...]

Don’t sing Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars can barely sing Bruno Mars.

Hey Gasmii! My name is Dashley, and I am a recovering Idol-holic. I used to watch this show religiously, forsaking a personal life in order to be a part of the revolutionary idea of choosing who the next music superstar should be. And then I hit rock bottom: Adam Lambert didn’t win his season. And [...]

It’s the season premiere of American Idol. Where better to start than New York.

It’s official

Looks like rumors are true!

Third judge?