POSTS TAGGED: mystery

Bonjour mis Gasmii! Bienvenu à la nuit de la musique classique! I wish I could claim this recap’s title as my own, but that honor goes to Mark Ballas. We’re treated to an opening number by the E Street Band. Okay not really them, it’s actually a good sized orchestra. Their front-man is Grammy Winner Joshua [...]

Anyone else tired of this guy??? Hello, dearest readers, and welcome to the very last Alcatraz recap of the season…or possibly forever! That’s just part of the show’s MYSTERY!! Monday night’s finale was a two-parter, and this recap will cover the second half (‘Tommy Mother F-in Madsen’) – if you’d like to check out the [...]

WEEEEEEEEEE!! Heeeeeeeeeeey GUYS!! Here we are – we’ve made it! The two-part Alcatraz finale aired this past Monday, arming us with a sh*tload of answers and a bevy of new questions – some of which may never be answered, depending on whether or not this damn show gets picked up for a second season or [...]

It’s just a SLIGHT twist on that old tale… Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair…so that I can chop it off, string it on my violin bow, then violently drown you in the tub. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of, ladies. We are getting SO CLOSE to the season finale of Alcatraz, guys!! [...]

See why I call her ‘half-pint?’ Seriously…it’s amazing that her tiny hand can even wrap around that glass. Hey guys! Well, we’re winding down to the season finale of Alcatraz…or maybe I should say ‘winding UP,’ since it looks like the producers are starting to chuck some serious revelations our way. Last night’s episode – [...]

Seems like an odd choice of ball marker, but to each his own. He’s totally gonna sink that putt, by the way. Heeeeeeeeey Gasmii! All ready to sit down with a warm cup of cocoa, curl up by the fire, and immerse yourself in a heartwarming tale of murder and brainwashing? And would you please [...]

FOX’s newest sitcom, Doc B and the Ward. Hiya gang! Last night we were finally treated to the episode of Alcatraz which had been pre-empted by that NASCAR race two weeks ago – ‘Clarence Montgomery.’ Thankfully, the re-ordering of the past few episodes didn’t affect the show’s overall continuity at all. I thought ‘Clarence Montgomery’ [...]

NO, GODDAMN IT!! YOU WERE IN THE LAST EPISODE, GO AWAY!!! Seriously. That face is going to haunt my nightmares for days to come. For those of you who are catching up, them there’s the Ames brothers, who we covered in the first of two recaps this week – you can read it here if [...]

And what, exactly, are you shining that light at, missy? After being pre-empted for a rain-delayed NASCAR race, Alcatraz was back this week with a vengeance – and two new episodes! This recap covers the first of those episodes, ‘The Ames Brothers’ – I will be posting a second recap covering the episode ‘Sonny Burnett’ [...]

Nothing sneakier than a 6-foot bald dude wielding a giant wrench. Heeeeeyyyyyyy Gasmii!! Did you miss me last week? I missed me last week – I’d much rather write an Alcatraz recap than have to watch even 30 seconds of a damn NASCAR race. Which I kept having to do, just to make sure that [...]

Scut Farkus is lucky he didn’t go to school with this week’s baddie. Hellooooooooo, Gasmii! Hopefully you’ve watched this week’s episode of Alcatraz and therefore understand the above reference…if not, let’s just say this episode was a dark extended version of an ‘It Gets Better’ video. As in, don’t worry about being bullied, because one [...]

KA-BLOOEY!!! Happy Valentine’s week, Gasmii! What’s that? You don’t celebrate Valentine’s for seven days straight?!? What’s WRONG with you?!? JK, I don’t even celebrate the stupid occasion for more than five minutes, myself. I woke up on Tuesday, briefly murmured ‘Happy Valentine’s Day, I guess,’ to my husband, and then promptly forgot all about it. [...]

Don’t go getting too attached to THIS handsome fella… Yes indeed, it’s yet another True Blood alumnus…you may remember the gentleman above as Eggs, Tara’s ill-fated beau – this dude just can’t catch a break. Get it? Eggs, break – nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. (sorry) Well, Gasmii – if you’re anything like me, you’ve been hoping [...]

Not like THAT, dirty-bird. Sheesh. Hiya, Gasmii! Are you all ready to dive into episode 5 of Alcatraz? Do you have a snack handy? Did you go to the bathroom already? ‘Cuz I am NOT turning this car around once we get started. This week, we were treated to a bit more back story on [...]

The dark & mysterious side of Hoyt Fortenberry. True Blood alert! That’s right – for once I referenced a show that isn’t Lost. I DO watch other things! How’s it hanging, Gasmii? Y’all sticking with me here? Very interested to hear your thoughts on our latest episode of Alcatraz… Episode 5 – “Guy Hastings” – [...]

That gun is almost as disturbing as that hair. ALMOST. If you caught this week’s episode of Alcatraz, you know exactly why I’m referencing No Country For Old Men. And if you didn’t, well…let’s just say that this week’s baddie is quite fond of using a very peculiar weapon in a very nasty way. Welcome [...]

Hey, it’s Alexander Skarsgard with a terrible haircut! Ok, it’s not, we only wish. Hey-howdy-hey, Gasmii! Did you tune in for Alcatraz last night? Or were you too busy watching The Bachelor (aka Floppy-Haired Simpleton Dates Whiny Bitches)? Trust me, guys – TiVo that shit and get your ass over to the island, cuz this [...]

Ah, a face only a mother could love. Welcome to Alcatraz episode 3, Gasmii! As I mentioned in the minicap, this show just got a whole hell of a lot darker RILL fast…hope you’re all up for the challenge! As we know…back in 1963, 302 people vanished from the island prison of Alcatraz, never to [...]

Part One in my series, ‘Why My Children Aren’t Allowed to Act.’ Furrr REALZ – can you imagine letting some random actor hold a gun to your kid’s head?! I certainly can’t. Crazytown. Also, I do not have children. Howdy-hey, Gasmii! I hope that this minicap finds you happy, healthy, and still watching the new [...]

I bet Sam Neill’s glad to be on a show that isn’t Happy Town. And I bet YOU’RE glad that I reminded you that Happy Town was a thing. See? I told you that I’ve watched pretty much every mystery show to ever air on American television! Welcome back to the recap for the premiere [...]

Everyone wants to be the pretty girl at the ball. Well, the time has finally come, Gasmii. We’ve waded through a myriad of pretenders to the (Lost) throne, from the campy and ultimately un-fulfilling V to the tepid and unfocused The Event, all in the hopes that one day, somehow, we would find a show [...]

A thrilling Alcatraz prison cell! (Don’t worry, guys – the show is MUCH classier (and more exciting) than the real Alcatraz.) Howdy, Gasmii!! After a hefty holiday break, I think we’re all ready for some quality television viewing, don’t you agree? Unfortunately, it’s MIDSEASON – typically seen as the time of year when weak-ass pilots [...]

We have cupcake, people!

Let’s add some Spencer fuel to the Daddy-Issues Fire.

Daddy issues are the new black.

In between coffee breaks, mysteries are solved.

This episode blew my mind. But who blew Ian’s?

Touching moments, ruined by my fart jokes.

The only thing more mysterious than this episode is the meat.

Season premiere, bitches.

Season finale! Tension! Suspense! Cell phones!

A list of loose ends would be longer than this recap. Both parts of it.

Big Brother meets Survivor meets The Apprentice. Art imitates reality TV.

Joe’s hair is growing back so fast you can hear it.

Might be a vamp if…you can spoil at a sunny picnic faster than the mayo.

Devon’s the only person I’d drink with. And she’s mortal.

Devon’s back!! And other things happen.

What more can happen to poor Joe this week?

Secrets, secrets hurt someone.

Let’s hope they get through the summer so we can get The Answers.