POSTS TAGGED: nicki minaj

So, a lot happened this season. A tone-deaf Cuban kid with a sizable wang stuttered his way into the Top Ten. Whispers of a conspiracy theory that Idol producers were behind the elimination of anybody possessing a wang, sizable or otherwise, floated among the five of us still watching. Randy Jackson, creator of timeless phrases [...]

Great news, everybody. This episode will only be an hour long, so we can all squeeze in some Hurricane Nia before bedtime. This episode starts off like Tyson V. Holyfield, with slow music and footage of the contestants slowly turning their heads. If anybody’s going to lose an ear, I hope it’s Kree. That’s not [...]

Only one week left, thank Gokey. To remind us that this program is a joke compared to its competitors, Ryan kicks off the show by interacting with animated characters from a stupid Pixar movie or some crap. I’ve never heard of The Voice hawking Ford Pintos or the Who Framed Roger Rabbit prequel, which might [...]

Hope you all are recovering from Amber’s unjust dismissal last week. I’ve been so upset that this show was dead to me, until I remembered I have a recap to write.  Ryan starts off by welcoming the wise and professional judges, including a blonde Chaka Khan with plumber crack cleavage. He mentions that Mariah clearly [...]

New judges?

We return for the results show after an episode that made everyone question their worldview: Is Randy Jackson not the prolific wizard of vast musical knowledge that we’ve always thought? Could a guest mentor be a better judge than an actual resting-on-his-laurels-for-over-10-years judge? Yes and yes, but I still think Harry Connick Jr. is kind of a [...]

Make some noise for your Top Four! Wait – Top Four?  Oh, that’s right. Last week was an effing joke and nobody went home.   But Babyface (or someone who looks exactly like Babyface) is in the audience, so that makes up for last week’s disappointment. Glad I can see you again, Kenny (get it?). [...]

  The one redeeming quality of this show is that I get to see someone’s heart shatter into a million pieces on live television when they learn that the most they have to look forward to is a three-minute song on a results show next season. Tonight, there were no redeeming qualities. Except maybe seeing [...]

  Welcome back, glitter fairies and unicorns and other things found in Ryan Seacrest’s underpants. This week, the Idol producers responded to the resounding criticism on the internet that all they play is Old Ass Music™ by deeming tonight Burt Bacharach Night. Before we dive into those groovy feel-good tunes, we have to revisit the [...]

  As you can see from the photo above, the dress code the producers issued to the judges was “Evening Gowns or Ratty T-Shirts from Urban Outfitters.” Nicki, always the rebel,  refused to comply. I hope they make her smell Laz’s pits for punishment. The Top 7 perform “Somebody To Love” by Queen. Sounds like [...]

 ”Wonder if Cee Lo makes more than I do?”   It’s been a long hard week of excluding Lazaro from group activities save for the occasional cruel practical joke where he’s the target (you know you’d do the same), but the finalists are ready to roll for Rock Week.  That’s right – Rock. No ballads, [...]

  The show opens with the contestants standing in two straight lines as Ryan goes into some bunk about how the contestants all “come from different backgrounds.” Yeah, they come from all different backgrounds besides the white male kind of background. Way to pat yourselves on the back for your behind-the-scenes race and gender orchestration [...]

A stutter and some tears = reality show Kryptonite. As challenging as it is to take an elderly gentleman dressed like the football team captain in a porno seriously, I appreciate Jimmy Iovine’s criticism of the judges’ lack of criticism. He thinks they go too easy on these people who couldn’t even hack it on [...]

No urban hangers!!!!! Ryan kicks off the show, accompanied by ear-splitting decibels of teen shrieks.  I feel like I’m at a Michael Jackson concert in Belarus in 1989. Except it’s really a Bon Jovi concert in 2013. Again, I’m completely out of touch with what the young folk are into (or “digging with a shovel”, as I imagine they like to [...]

If anything’s askew, it’s Angie Miller’s hair. After the harrowing experience of having to hear songs by Fergie and Colton Dixon in the same week, our Top 10 are finally revealed.  Sick Human Being. With great skin. Is it just me, or does Ryan seem to really delight in the process of sending people home? [...]

Otherwise known as, “Our last ditch effort to become relevant.” Howdy Gasm guys and gal!  Plockness monster here and I am ready to pitch in and contribute my part in recapping this train wreck known as American Idol.  Sorry y’all, but I haven’t watched a full season since the first AI disaster, so bare with [...]

Don’t sing Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars can barely sing Bruno Mars.

Hey Gasmii! My name is Dashley, and I am a recovering Idol-holic. I used to watch this show religiously, forsaking a personal life in order to be a part of the revolutionary idea of choosing who the next music superstar should be. And then I hit rock bottom: Adam Lambert didn’t win his season. And [...]

It’s the season premiere of American Idol. Where better to start than New York.

Can’t we all just get along?

Damage control anyone?

As if nothing happened

Diva power struggle

Really? Reality? Nicki?

It’s official

Less pitchy

More peeps in the running

M.I.A. confirmed today that she will join Madonna and Nicki Minaj at the Super Bowl halftime show. She told NME, “Yes, I’m going to the Super Bowl… I’m gonna be performing with Madonna and Nicki Minaj.. If you’re gonna go to the Super Bowl, you might as well go with America’s biggest female icons.” Both M.I.A. [...]

ANTM All-Stars! So really, just 14 girls with nothing to do.

Final four + multiple personality disorder=Nicki Minaj

Why?