POSTS TAGGED: notwithoutmytv

Top 10 TV Shows Weekend Edition   Literal violation. Like, literally. March 1 is National Punch a Person Misusing the Word ‘Literally’ in the Junk Day. Just go to where people congregate, and listen. In about 30 seconds, you will hear some fuckwaffle misuse ‘literally.’ Then, get to junk-punching. You’ll get out some of that built-up [...]

Thursday, February 9th   Nobody does the Seal Pump like the Chukchi. Wipeout (ABC, 8 pm) Contestants encounter Garry the Eskimo as they tackle the Arctic Circle. The Inuit Cultural Education Association already has already filed a complaint with ABC concerning Garry’s dress and behavior “designed to encourage misleading stereotypes.” Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9 pm) [...]

Tuesday, February 7th   His own best friend. Spaceballs (HBO Family, 5:20 pm) President Skroob pits evil Dark Helmet against Lone Starr and the half-man, half-dog Barf. If I had an RV, I would totally strap rocket engines to it. The Daily Show with John Stewart (Comedy Central, 6 pm) Tilda Swinton. Just say no [...]

Monday, February 8th   Courtney doesn’t love you. The Bachelor (8 pm) Ben and the women travel to Panama; a two-on-one date ends with one woman being sent home; Kacie B. opens up to Ben; Chris confronts Casey S. about a secret she has been keeping. Ben continues his graceless journey toward the ultimate dating-show [...]

Friday, February 3rd   We don’t talk about Charlie. Who Do You Think You Are (NBC, 8 pm) Actor Martin Sheen traces his family tree, hoping to find his ancestors shared his love of activism; Martin discovers a family secret from the 1700s. Wow, I better pee and have all my snacks ready. I wouldn’t [...]

Thursday, February 2nd Cash Cab (Discovery Channel, 6 pm) Episode title: Chuck Norris Wins. Chuck Norris doesn’t win Cash Cab. Cash Cab gives Chuck Norris the money in return for its life. The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 pm) Rosie’s Sing-A-Long with Kristen Chenoweth. Sometimes I envy Marlee Matlin.   Vote for me or my boyfriend [...]

Wednesday, February 1 E! News (E!, 7 pm) Coverage of television, film and music, as well as the celebrity party scene. Tonight, the surprising reason why we love Jennifer Aniston, but we don’t want her to be happy. Hogs Gone Wild (Discovery, 7 pm) Dr. West and Renee go on the hunt for giant, wild [...]

Tuesday, January 31st Inside the Actor’s Studio (Bravo, 7 pm) George Clooney discusses his child hood, film career and choices. It’s hard to believe Bravo hasn’t filled this slot with Housewives reruns. Glee (Fox, 8 pm) Mr. Schuester declares that it is “Michael Week” at McKinley High. I declare that it’s “No Bra” week at [...]

Monday, January 30th The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Courtney suggests Ben go skinny dipping with her. And the remaining desperados who didn’t think of it first clutch their pearls and bunch their panties. House (Fox, 8 pm) House threatens Foreman’s relationship with a married woman (Yaya DaCosta). Yaya. Someone named their kid Yaya. I’m not [...]

Friday, January 27 20/20 (ABC, 9 pm) When a woman tries to divorce her husband, TV producer Richard Shenkman, he reacts with a violent rampage that includes stalking, burning a house to the ground, and kidnapping his estranged wife at gunpoint. I think there’s still some love there. Does this ticket say “slap some raw [...]

Thursday, January 26 Do whu na-ow? 30 Rock (NBC, 8 pm) Tracy leads a protest defending idiots everywhere. Phaedra Parks immediately volunteers to mobilize her fellow idiot Atlantans. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Hopefuls audition for the judges in Galveston, Texas. Everything is bigger in Texas—especially the fail. The Finder (Fox, 9pm) A NASA scientist [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 25 Monsters Inside Me (OWN, 6 pm) A Virginia woman is attacked by a brain-eating parasite; a Midwestern farmer battles a parasite that cannot be killed; a New Yorker is infected with a deadly parasite. Common thread? Parasite. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Hopefuls in Aspen perform for the judges. Wear a short [...]

Tuesday, January 24th  Nothing stops The Blob! The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8 pm) The teams compete in a battering ram challenge to win rights to the gym. Battering ram? I AM a battering ram! All Star Dealers (Discovery, 8 pm) A treasure hunt through Dennis Rodman’s storage facility. Not it! The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 [...]

Monday, January 23 The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Jennifer and Rachel get one-on-one dates; Ben takes eight lucky ladies horseback riding; Ben surprises a bachelorette at the after party; Emily warns Ben about one of the women. Courtney’s fiendish plot to rule the world unaccountably requires the destruction of a greasy-haired young man named Ben… [...]

Saturday , January 21st  MSNBC Special News Coverage (MSNBC, 8 pm) South Carolina Primary. Newt Gingrich has said that “at times in my life, partially driven by how passionate I felt about this country, I worked far too hard and at times did things that were inappropriate.” Gringrich’s patriotic passion might be too big for [...]

Friday, January 20th Shark Tank (ABC, 8 pm) NBA champion Bill Walton helps a triathlete pitch his idea for a unique water bottle. He wears a Bottle Boy suit. Oh, Bill. Star Wars: Clone Wars (Cartoon Network, 8 pm) Obi-Wan enters a prison, disguised as a convict, in order to extract information; Obi-Wan must work [...]

Thursday, Jan. 19 American Idol (8 pm) Stability is the keyword for this season as the judges’ panel remains the same for the second straight year, the first time the panel has been the same in consecutive seasons since the addition of the (short-lived) fourth judge following season seven. “We’re holding stable” seems like a [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 18th Whitney (ABC, 8 pm) Happily unmarried Whitney (Whitney Cummings) and Alex (Chris D’Elia) seek advice from their friends when they realize they are close to relationship boredom. Well, at least their circle of friends isn’t an adorably quirky bunch. Oh. Brain trust. American Idol (Fox, 8 pm) Auditions in Atlanta. This. Again. [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 17 Glee (Fox, 8 pm) Finn’s plans for after graduation surprise his friends. A spin-off show in which he goes to college that lasts six episodes before being canceled? Snooki, look out! Taboo (National Geographic Channel) Humans have an inherent urge to fight. In some cultures, the boundaries of what is considered acceptable [...]

Monday, Jan. 16 The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 pm) Rehearsal for Rosie’s Theater Kids. Has Oprah got a theater charity yet? Then get me one, fool, before she thinks of it! What’s it spelling? L, I, M, O, R, I, D,E, O, F, S, H, A, M, E. Oh, no! The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 10 Oh great. Now they have to go to the bathroom. Texas Multi Mamas (WE, 8 pm) Casey takes her quads on a road trip. Remember your helmet! Work It (ABC, 8:30 pm) When the guys make their first attempts at sales, they are surprised to discover that Lee’s experience is no competition [...]

Monday, Jan. 9 The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Twelve bachelorettes try out for a community theater production written by children. That’s totally meta, considering that the Bachelor’s story arcs are written for children. Antiques Roadshow (PBS, 8 pm) A 1960 first edition copy of “To Kill a Mockingbird”; collection of bronzes; rare 1924 Gibson F-5 [...]