POSTS TAGGED: parody

If I could base my psychic abilities on my Teen Mom predictions, I would be vying for my own reality show called The Snarky Psychic.  We begin with Maci and Kyle making one of the stupidest mistakes of their lives.  They are signing the closing papers.  It’s really sweet when Maci tells Bentley they’re getting [...]

Simplicity is a virtue, Sorkin.

A housemate-created music video of some song I’ve never heard introduces this episode.  It was probably better than the real video.  Gene and Kevin seemed to be the only ones who didn’t know the song, which makes sense since they’re the only straight males in the house at the moment. Last week, Joy and Andrea [...]

Last week’s episode was filled with old, sexed-up George.  The ladies are finally heading back to New York, so let’s check in and hope they’ve left the pervy vibe behind. Sonja is hosting Pleather and the Freebie Dream Team to move forward with the branding of Sonja and her toaster oven.  Pleather is livid when [...]

Ru forces three women to grow the hell up.

We start out with confrontation time between Giana and Renee.  Giana says that each of her parents have two completely different stories about her childhood and her father’s involvement in it.  Renee says she never once called the cops when Giana’s father showed up to see her.  Instead, her father never tried to show up [...]

Who gets a story handed to them this week?

Last week on Big Brother: the producers changed everything and blamed it on “America,” and now everything is bullshit. We resume during the HoH competition, in which all 12 contestants (UGH, I can’t believe how many are still left in this game) are hanging from a fake pirate ship as water is poured on their [...]

Even on a show about big girls the “skinny” one wins.

Are you ready for the dullest episode of the season? THAT’S THE SPIRIT! Listen: we have a lot of reasons to be down on the United States these days (people shoving fried chicken in their mouths to show how much they hate gays, a bumbling buffoon traveling around the world to represent us, the continued [...]

Last week, we got a glimpse into the world of a Viagra popper and the people who have to love him.  We witnessed him in his natural habitat:  expensive phallic hotdogs, a tra-flashy wardrobe, and blunt mating rituals.  Can’t have a show about the abuses of Viagra without knowing the antivenom–LuAnn’s caterwauling while waxing.  Yes, [...]

Last week on Teen Mom, Farrah met another victim guy, Amber was sprung from rehab, Cate pondered going to college, and Ryan and his family were angry about preschool. Because Farrah had such a great time on her horseback riding date, she takes Sophia for a ride on a horsey.  It’s really cute and I’m [...]

And learns he’s just too awesome.

This week, we will find out if Jeffy made a huge mistake by going down the tubes or if we’ll be rid of Kevin and his terrible attempt at hiding his bald spot.  Mike thinks Jeff deserves to go home, because he was cocky enough to put himself into Limbo.  Andrea was basically telling us [...]

They’re large and not exactly in charge, yet.

Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New York.  This week, the pressure is on for Cool Cat Carole to finish her new book.  Unfortunately, no time for writing now, though, because she needs to start packing for Miami.  What does dress for Kobe hotdog casual mean, exactly?   Carole and Sonja leave New York [...]

Welcome to the latest installment of the semi-connected women of Mob Wives Chicago! We find out that the charity event of this season will be the breast cancer walk in honor of Leah’s mom.  At least this is legitimate and not some random charity where the drama can reach its peak.  I mean, the drama [...]

It’s not easy being Will.

Let’s dive right in, shall we? Previously on Snooki & JWoww: Snooki is pregnant; Snooki decided to invite the Jersey Shore roommates over for dinner and to announce her engagement and pregnancy; JMomm is doing a terrible job pretending that she is not insanely jealous about Snooki’s impending domestic life. I don’t care, I love [...]

I’m so sorry for the delay on this recap, my dear Gasmii.  I’m out of my meds (because I’m stupid and missed my appt) and going through withdrawal, so I feel like a giant bag of flaming shit. We start out this episode with Stephanie pointing out that the house now has more wiener than [...]

JLo’s a boxer?

Last week, the Great White Grin swam in from London with her shiver of sharks and celebrated Aviva’s fifth anniversary with a pinot-soaked chum fest courtesy of Sonja in the City.  In a season sorely lacking in drama, watching Pleather’s gnashing smile chasing Ramona around the room was like a gory ray of sunshine that [...]

I am so happy to announce that this week, Leah’s hair looks the best it’s ever looked on the “live” footage.  I’m a huge fan of curly hair and love to see someone embrace their natural curls and allow their curls to realize their full potential.  We rehash the fight from last week and I [...]

DirecTV and Viacom have settled, so I get to have my Teen Mom back on my boob tube.  It’s just not the same watching these dipshits on a small, non-HD screen.  It just doesn’t capture the idiocy as well. Because Farrah and Ashley think Debra is the most horrible, abusive mother on the planet, Farrah [...]

Don saves the day!

This week on Glass House, Joy find 4,238 reasons to get upset and pout, Erica still wants to bone Kevin, Stephanie’s bubble is burst, and Jeff attempts to be a messiah. There’s a kissing contest with the girls versus Jeff.  I nearly barfed at all the tongue.  It was like watching an episode of Rock [...]

This class has the eye of the tiger

Ramona is anxious to get the London low-down, so she invites everyone to get together–except Heather and LuAnn.  Ramona had her sights set on trashing Pleather, but when Carole is asked for the juicy parts, Princess Carole couldn’t get past the one-upping of the lowly Countess.  Sonja tossed another trash bag of the Countess into [...]

I don’t know about everyone else, but I was holding out hope that this episode would be bloody.  There was no bloodshed, but it was still a pretty fun episode to watch. This week, C-Wow attempts to alienate herself from all of her friends by defending Nora.  We are made to believe that Nora deserves [...]

This week Mackenzie learns how to balance her checkbook.

Previously on Big Brother: Dan showed off a large collection of Jesus-y shirts, Janelle wore a jacket made of our razor blades in case slimy ass Boogie tried to hug her, and Willie tried to lead a revolution against, well, he didn’t know, exactly. The important thing is that he called a meeting and yelled [...]

The best thing about this week’s episode was the commercial for Sleeping Dogs, coming soon to a home video game console near you! “You’re a cop. I am an undercover cop. The rules are different.” The episode starts about five minutes before the end of last week’s episode, so we get to relive the overwhelming [...]

Hey guys, it’s me, Danny! Let’s jump right into this bullshit! Julie Chen is here with us tonight! No matter how terribly slow the live shows are, you can always count on Julie’s eccentric wardrobe and robotic laughter to bring some joy into the hour. Sadly, Julie opted for a rather calm dress, only notable [...]

Geek chic to sexy freaks!

For the first time in six years, Farrah, Ashley, and Debra will be under the same roof.  This should prove to be great.  Kyle still doesn’t have a job, so Maci uses this as an excuse to not put Bentley in preschool.  You know, because it’s healthier for Bentley to be taken care of by [...]

Will berates a series of women. But only to civilize them.

It is probably time to start a lingo death watch as Pleather continues on her path of destruction.  Holla!  So, to bring us up to date, so far, she has killed Holla!, “ie”, and Yo!  Three down, and plenty more to go.  Let’s get back to the Golden Girls in London, shall we. Last week’s [...]

Hello, Gasmii.  It’s another episode of the show that no one watches.  Now that Big Brother has started, I’m thinking I could fill this recap with a dissertation on the mating habits of the legendary basilisks and no one would notice. Last week, Team Friends sent Kevin down the tubes with Ashley.  I’m sure no [...]

Nerd makeovers!

The Viacom and DirecTV fiasco will not keep me down, y’all!  I had to buy this episode from iTunes, so it had better be good.  I want my $2.99 worth.  Anyway, if you have DirecTV and didn’t get to see this episode, I’ve got it all right here.  Taking the bullet for the rest of [...]