POSTS TAGGED: paula

Hey, remember the last eight weeks?

… and if anyone, anywhere wanted to see Abe’s bouncing bare ass.

What’s Portuguese for “schadenfreude”?

TJ gets all Jeff Probst and calls out CT and Diem on their boneheaded Dome choice.

Emily brings some “theatrical fun” from a more backward century.

Emily mixes up “innocent” and “ignorant.”

Camila gets FUBAR, and Cara Maria busts Abe’s balls repeatedly.

Camila is a problematic drinker, and the challenge involves touching each other on a 20-foot pole.

Everyone went to Vegas for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Jasmine and Tyrie bicker, the cast straddles a log, and Mark’s mouth gets him talked about, or so we hear.

The exes seem to be getting along, except the ones who fall on each other’s heads.

Go cry, Emo Abe.

Knees are busted, teeth are chipped, big holes are dug in the sand.

Vinny is a brainless slab of beef, and Wes is a luckless pile of turkey.

In which one cast member reminds us why these people don’t have real jobs.

Paula, Nicole and Steve are dunzo

I have to assume that jumping into the water without any kind of surfactant would just make them wet and sticky. But I’ve never swum in the Dominican Republic. Maybe their water is special. Or maybe these people are just really, really slippery.

Friday, Dec. 30th The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (ABC, 8 pm) Children join forces with the lion mystic Aslan to free the land of Narnia from the White Witch’s wintry spell. Based on the novel by C.S. Lewis. Pevensie has got to be the most unlikely last name ever. Need to Know (PBS, [...]

Live performances from Heaven and Hell.

The judges cat fight and eliminate five acts.

Five acts are booted after the first live performances in an EPIC episode. Epically long…

32 acts are cut down to 16 to determine who will perform live.

Looks like someone(s) who had some recent significant downtime spent it at the plastic surgeon’s… If you clicked your way over to Fox last night, you’d be forgiven for thinking that it was January and time to resign yourself to another insufferable season of American Idol and its gibberish-spewing judges. The X Factor looked like [...]

Ghosts!

J.Lo will be rocking judgement.

“These faces have been on your screens for over three months. You know more about these tools than any other season. You are voting more passionately than ever, but one of them has to go.” For a second, I thought Seabreath was breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to me. I was so startled [...]

There are times on American Idol where you’re left saying “Well, that was quite a shocker”, and there are times that you’re throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming “ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!” Guess what kinda night this was for me?

The judges react to Mariah Carey’s lesser known hit “Ken Lee” Now that’s it’s down to 7 mostly blah contestants, we’re losing some steam here on American Idol. Seabreath walks past a somber lineup of the leftover contestants like they’re labor camp prisoners waiting for their daily ration of bread and lashings. It’s better than [...]

What are you bitching about? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, NIGEL!

Ow! My back!

“The magic is inside you. There ain’t no crystal ball.” Remember how I suggested that an awesome twist for American Idol would be strapping the judges to the lie detectors used on the godforsaken shitshow that is The Moment of Truth? Well, some story editors at FOX must be reading my lil’ ole’ recaps, because [...]

This week on American Idol, Paula and I were on the exact same page. I woke up for this?

John Lennon chokes on hacks. Again. I’ve been seriously deliriously sleep-deprived this week, because I thought Mariah Carey was scheduled to guest judge this week, or at least perform “Touch My Body” while Kenneth the Page hula-hooped and twirled flaming giant turkey legs around her. Alas, it was all a croissant-fueled hallucination. Join me, mon [...]

Tink descends from the sky into the now massive studio and gives us a wink. Tonight, there will be a new set! New lights! Platforms and lifts and globes and screens and mosh pits!!! One question. Would it have killed you to add a pitch pipe into your budget? Welcome to the finals! This! Is [...]