POSTS TAGGED: randy jackson

Great news, everybody. This episode will only be an hour long, so we can all squeeze in some Hurricane Nia before bedtime. This episode starts off like Tyson V. Holyfield, with slow music and footage of the contestants slowly turning their heads. If anybody’s going to lose an ear, I hope it’s Kree. That’s not [...]

So long, dawg!

Hope you all are recovering from Amber’s unjust dismissal last week. I’ve been so upset that this show was dead to me, until I remembered I have a recap to write.  Ryan starts off by welcoming the wise and professional judges, including a blonde Chaka Khan with plumber crack cleavage. He mentions that Mariah clearly [...]

We return for the results show after an episode that made everyone question their worldview: Is Randy Jackson not the prolific wizard of vast musical knowledge that we’ve always thought? Could a guest mentor be a better judge than an actual resting-on-his-laurels-for-over-10-years judge? Yes and yes, but I still think Harry Connick Jr. is kind of a [...]

  The one redeeming quality of this show is that I get to see someone’s heart shatter into a million pieces on live television when they learn that the most they have to look forward to is a three-minute song on a results show next season. Tonight, there were no redeeming qualities. Except maybe seeing [...]

  Another week, another jaunt to the children’s hospital. When this show isn’t cringe-worthy or mind-numbingly boring, it’s downright depressing. The one bright spot is Amber’s new curly ‘do. I’m hoping next week she’ll appear with a nose implant to further her transition into Barbara Streisand.    Amber, never let them film your right side. [...]

Welcome back, loyal viewer! The show starts with a pre-recorded video of the Top 5 talkin’ ’bout issues and how crazy-cool-medallions it is that they made it to the top five.  A few of them sneak in comments about how it was “America” that voted for an all-woman group. Seems a little fishy that AI [...]

  As you can see from the photo above, the dress code the producers issued to the judges was “Evening Gowns or Ratty T-Shirts from Urban Outfitters.” Nicki, always the rebel,  refused to comply. I hope they make her smell Laz’s pits for punishment. The Top 7 perform “Somebody To Love” by Queen. Sounds like [...]

 ”Wonder if Cee Lo makes more than I do?”   It’s been a long hard week of excluding Lazaro from group activities save for the occasional cruel practical joke where he’s the target (you know you’d do the same), but the finalists are ready to roll for Rock Week.  That’s right – Rock. No ballads, [...]

  The show opens with the contestants standing in two straight lines as Ryan goes into some bunk about how the contestants all “come from different backgrounds.” Yeah, they come from all different backgrounds besides the white male kind of background. Way to pat yourselves on the back for your behind-the-scenes race and gender orchestration [...]

Sugar Pie Honey Pile of Steaming Crap Cake. Great news – it’s Detroit Night! Coneys and urban prairie for everybody! Smokey Robinson is in the building, looking younger and fresher than Mariah Carey on her 43rd birthday. Vitamin C serum, people. I’ve been saying it for days (since I saw it on Dr. Oz). I [...]

A stutter and some tears = reality show Kryptonite. As challenging as it is to take an elderly gentleman dressed like the football team captain in a porno seriously, I appreciate Jimmy Iovine’s criticism of the judges’ lack of criticism. He thinks they go too easy on these people who couldn’t even hack it on [...]

Don’t cry. There are other too-hot-and-young-for-you fish in the sea.   Sad single Ryan puts on a brave face and shows up for work. Must be hough. Er, I mean, tough. But before we get to see our Top 9, we must endure Carly Rae Jepson’s faux husky sex voice as she moans and groans about soda. Sorry, sexy only works [...]

No urban hangers!!!!! Ryan kicks off the show, accompanied by ear-splitting decibels of teen shrieks.  I feel like I’m at a Michael Jackson concert in Belarus in 1989. Except it’s really a Bon Jovi concert in 2013. Again, I’m completely out of touch with what the young folk are into (or “digging with a shovel”, as I imagine they like to [...]

 She’s late, she’s late, for a very important show nobody watches anymore.   Our Top 10 has had a week off to play with their snap bracelets or listen to rap music or do whatever it is teenagers do in their free time nowadays. I sure know what ol’ Cotton Mouth Arthur’s been up to [...]

It’s sudden death…but not the kind that happens to up-and-coming rappers on the Strip. Drive-by shooting leads to 6-vehicle collision; 3 dead It’s been a busy week in Vegas, Gasmii! Not only was there a Tupac-style gundown just a block from where Tupcac himself was riddled with bullets (may he rest in peace), American Idol is in town for [...]

Otherwise known as, “Our last ditch effort to become relevant.” Howdy Gasm guys and gal!  Plockness monster here and I am ready to pitch in and contribute my part in recapping this train wreck known as American Idol.  Sorry y’all, but I haven’t watched a full season since the first AI disaster, so bare with [...]

Don’t sing Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars can barely sing Bruno Mars.

Hey Gasmii! My name is Dashley, and I am a recovering Idol-holic. I used to watch this show religiously, forsaking a personal life in order to be a part of the revolutionary idea of choosing who the next music superstar should be. And then I hit rock bottom: Adam Lambert didn’t win his season. And [...]

It’s the season premiere of American Idol. Where better to start than New York.

It’s official

Rumor

Less pitchy

Is the dawg leaving his dawg house?

More peeps in the running

Adam Lambert?

Ryan sadly announces that someone had to be pulled out of the competition because… we’ll find out later in the show. What a cruel trick Ryan seacrest! You know full well all we want to see is the drama behind the elimination of whoever it is! But on to the baby pictures, because AI thinks [...]

The top 13 perform. Sorta.

The Good, The Bad and The Completely Pointless Filler.

We’re in Portland, you guys!

  I wonder who’s bright idea it was to hold auditions in Aspen? It doesn’t make much sense when you think about it. Aspen is small. Aspen is expensive. Aspen is a destination town, not the hub of Colorado. Sounds perfect! I blame Randy. I blame Randy for everything To justify the Aspen location, we [...]

I’ve lost that loving feeling.

Where were you when it all started? Apparently, everyone was 6 years old, sitting on the floor in front of the TV in their footie pajamas. Al least those are the people who openly and proudly admit they watch American Idol. All the 6 year olds of the world have finally grown up and are [...]

Friday, January 20th Shark Tank (ABC, 8 pm) NBA champion Bill Walton helps a triathlete pitch his idea for a unique water bottle. He wears a Bottle Boy suit. Oh, Bill. Star Wars: Clone Wars (Cartoon Network, 8 pm) Obi-Wan enters a prison, disguised as a convict, in order to extract information; Obi-Wan must work [...]

Randy Jackson, aka the dawg, just sold a show to VH1. The premise (broad strokes): high-profile celebrities take a high school aptitude test, then work in the designated field the test results direct them to. Here’s how it’ll work: the celebs take the test, get their results, disguise themselves, and train for their new field. Then [...]

Dooog

Outlander!!! Come out! We have your dance crew outlander!!

The top 11 perform Elton John’s songs.

The top 11 perform some of Motown’s greatest hits.

No love for the girls on Idol.