POSTS TAGGED: reality

This week on Fantasia For Real: Something exciting kind of actually happens! We finally meet the waste of DNA that is responsible for siring the Barrino clan! And for giving Fanny the ammunition to write this obvious best seller: Except for when you’re plucked from obscurity, given a record deal and fame and fortune, even [...]

With the scripted drama exciting reality show known as The Bachelor over for now, ABC has got a whole lot of time to fill….so you know what that means….it’s time for Dancing With Obscurity!!!! Buy one recapper, get one half price!!!

This week on Fantasia For Real: Fanny is attacked by raccoons! The Weenster acts like a baffoon! And Zion gets trapped in a balloon! (Not really, but it rhymed.) Sorry, dude, even implicating your kid in a nationally televised hoax is NOT enough to help you get a hit album.

This week on Fantasia For Real: Fanny and Ricco work on their own albums, while Teeny continues to be a blood sucking little twerp, and Fanny decides she wants to work toward her GED and get edumacated: High School Diploma: Because even Auto-Tune has limits.

This week on Fantasia For Real: To actually add some much needed entertainment to this, the lamest of all reality shows, Fantasia is asked to read something out loud. That’s just mean, y’all!!!

This week on Fantasia: For Real: The Hoodfather…Fanny, the Michael Corleone of the Hoodrat Family, deals with Rocco, her Sonny wanting to break out on his own; and also tries to bring Weenie back, aka, allow Fredo to come home from Vegas. I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse….

This week on Fantasia For Real: Fanny decides to get “tough” and not only bully her label into releasing her album, but finally grows a pair and kicks Teeny Weenie out. Damn, I broke one of my Lee Press-On’s smacking the shiz out of that fool.

This week on Fantasia For Real: we see what the world would be like if Lil Wayne was paid only in bong hits and food stamps, if Madea was really a woman, and what Fantasia’s life was like when she was really a star…. I was famous, I swear!!!!

Hello everybody, and welcome back. Did you all have a lovely Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Drunken Depressive Blackout? Did Santa bring you the perfect gift, such as booze and gift cards, or did you wind up with something far less desirable, like crabs or a subpoena? Me, I was busy packing on a [...]

But slacking is! The Jack5sons: to show you that Michael wasn’t the only fucked up one in the family. Also, to capitalize on their brother’s death. Yeah, it must be tough riding on the coattails of your far more talented brother’s success, boys. In this season and series premier, we see what Tito, Jermaine, Jackie [...]

Hi ‘Gasmii. *sigh* Where does the time go? It can’t possibly be a full six months that we’ve been meeting here to talk about Top Chef in one form or another, can it? Have we really been sitting here for twenty-four weeks straight analyzing the challenges, arguing about our favorite chefs and generally talking trash [...]

What’s up, people? Are you all in the midst of your holiday craze yet? Last night I was outside putting my pretty sparkly lights up at 3:00am. Was I on meth? No, sillies, meth makes you skinny, therefore you can take one look at me and tell I don’t touch the stuff. Plus, I still [...]

Hey ‘Gasmii, I’m finally back. I can’t apologize enough for the delays on this recap. As you may recall, the BF and I headed to Los Angeles last weekend where we ate some fine foods (Flipit and I shared a plate of deep-fried mac’n’cheese balls at Hamburger Mary’s on Santa Monica Blvd and giggled and [...]

This is what a no-carb diet and PMS looks like This Hills episode, an extra dose of FUCKING APESHIT. Broahday, Kristin and Jayde all schedule lunchley meet and greets and get all up in each others’ businesses. And, HBUD STILL wants a baby, and will stop at NOTHING to get what her hormonal, surgery-laden 23 [...]

Hi guys’n’gals’n’tranzys, and welcome back to our regularly scheduled season of clowns. I never thought I would miss these people so much until they were taken away from me and I had to look at five seasons worth of douchebitchery… not to mention watching Fabio in his apparent audition to become The Next Bertolli Chefâ„¢. [...]

Welcome everyone! Do you like reunions? I don’t mean the heart-wrenching, soul-twisting, tear-jerking kind that you find in the movies where some long-separated pair of lovers is brought back together after years of hardships and suffering and they have just enough time to have sex once before one of them is killed either in a [...]

This week on Dancing With The Stars: In order to fill the two hours we’re allotted with only 7 couples remaining, we’re going to have a team dance competition! Should have named them Team Douche-o and Team Wango.

Hello and greetings and Happy Post-Halloween! I hope all of you had a great time, wore some fun costumes, and had some tasty candy. As many of you may be aware, Halloween = Gay Christmas so naturally I was in the middle of a great big gay bar party out in Scottsdale that puts on [...]

Welcome back to Las Vegas ye faithful culinarians! I think Scar once said there were something like 70 million billion trillion hillion skillion restaurants in Sin City, and I bet all of them are hurting right now. Let’s face it, there are only so many ways to make “Cheap Beef & Tiny Skrimps” sound classy [...]

Previously we learned that if you make it through rounds and rounds of interviews and casting sessions and the first 3 legs of the race – you should probably know enough to HOLD ON TO YOUR @%&*$@! PASSPORT! WHY?!?! Because this is “AMAZING RACE“. Not “Amazing Race Around the Continental US”. Dan and Sam, the [...]

This week on The Shitty: In what is the most boring episode of this show I’ve ever seen, which for this show, is saying A LOT — Whit meets the WASPiest guy of the entire WASP history; and Olivia and Erin go to a party and Erin yells at Olivia for possibly no reason. That’s [...]

Hello again foodie fans! I just got back from the wonderfully cold, windy and rainy city of Indianapolis where I was attending yet another drag queen pageant. This one is specially geared towards fat guys who like to wear pretty dresses and who strike terror in the hearts of late-night drive-thru employees everywhere. Over the [...]

Buenos Tardyforthepartys, ‘Gasmii! Praise Jesus there was no new episode last week, I was in waaaay too much horrible debilitating pain (and clouded by waaaay too many drugs) to make sense of a fucking Bullwinkle cartoon, much less a complex reality TV show (and let’s not even talk about how much fun it was trying [...]

Spencer contemplating his own cultural relevance This week, the Hills Pills are back for season six, with just as much (if not more) staged drama than ever before! Kristin Calivarri returns to steal Justy Bobby and drama ensues with Blahdrina Dead Eyes and Stefanie “Bulimia” Pratt. Heidi and Spence go house shopping and Frankie the [...]

Welcome back everyone! It’s time for the show that preaches worldly knowledge while its contestants practice worldly ignorance! I’m bBitz and I’m excited to be back for my 3rd season of this Emmy-award winning show! (Clearly because of my recaps.) Last season we learned that just because you’re deaf doesn’t mean you can’t win (well… [...]

Hey hey hey, what’s up people? I may have spoken about my brush with the culinary world before. I don’t like to talk about it much, because I don’t want people to think I’m trying to be all grand or pretentious. However, I can say that I was a chef for about 11 months at [...]

Welcome back boys and girls (and anyone undecided)! This may come as a complete shock to some of you, but I actually grew up and became a very experienced outdoor camper in the wilds of Minnesorta… as a member of the Boy Scouts Of America. Yeah, I actually learned orienteering by the stars, how to [...]

Hi again foodie fans! While I was in Las Vegas last week a good friend of mine convinced me and the BF to travel with him to Chinatown there (no, I didn’t know Vegas had a Chinatown, either) and we had lunch at an odd little place that was kind of in the middle of [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: Ratalie finally pulls her own weight. Kidding! I hate to break it to you guys, but this week looks to be just oozing with filler material. The only real action is the competition and live eviction. So I’m not a bit surprised when the announcer says that past BB greats are [...]

Hey there everybody! I’m only one day back from Vegas and I miss it already! I can’t tell you what it was like to spend five days in the company of 799 other fat gay men except to say that I felt positively svelte when laying out by the hotel pool and watching some of [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: Kevin puts his hand in a hole and Jeff stuffs dollar bills in his underwear. It’s not what you think. It’s much, much worse.

I’ve officially started my countdown. Four days from today I will be in gorgeous Las Vegas, Nevada, most likely drunk off my ass and probably hazily wondering where my room key / cell phone / boyfriend / underwear has disappeared to, and that will be just fine with me, because that’s part of what Vegas [...]

Buenos Nachos, my fellow gastric gamblers! That there is a little Spanish that means “Good Doritos”. I just finished the recap for the Finale of Top Chef Masters literally minutes ago and here I am starting another one already. Needless to say I’m a tad punchy, which is the perfect frame of mind to be [...]

Greetings, ‘Gasmii! It’s taken ten weeks, but we’ve finally arrived at the Last Competitionâ„¢! I dunno about you guys, but I think this show was actually fairly successful in showing us a different facet of the whole Top Chef franchise. One without Scar! How is that even possible?… …Well, you start out by making a [...]

Previously on Big Brother, I went to the beach and missed all this: Deus ex ma-Chima *Facepalm* “I’m not as think as you drunk I am!” So, the last two episodes were epic. Is there any of that action left, or are we due for a boring episode? Let’s do this.

Welcome to Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. How did I end up recapping this show? S-e-n-i-o-r-i-t-y…and karma. Please, don’t feel bad for me. Interesting fact: I googled “Kardashian” and “cure for cancer” and I only got 22,700 hits. I googled “Kardashian” and “whore” and got 10,800,000 hits. Lovely! If it isn’t annoying families like the [...]

Hi everybody! I’m back from L.A., and I had a wonderful time there watching Flipit’s improvisational musical comedy performance as a pregnant teenager in Iowa named Andrea who has a pair of singing lesbian mothers and gets married to a sex-addicted abortion doctor that patronizes prostitutes. No, I’m not even kidding, just ask ChickBomb, she [...]

Hi again, ‘Gasmii. As you may well remember, I was on vacation in Kentucky at a drag queen pageant for about a week, and one of the things that I love about taking vacations is the fact that I can eat whatever I want. Then again, I pretty much eat whatever I want when I’m [...]

A necessary production cost This week on More to Love, fat-ass talons fly as the girls show their true colors on two group dates and one very bitchy solo date to vegas! Yes, there are pools involved, and also involuntary vomiting. Are you excited? I am. There’s always a second helping at the proverbial buffet [...]