POSTS TAGGED: reality

Helloooooo ‘Gasmii, it’s so good to be back home again. I’m so sorry about the delay in getting this posted, I’ve spent the last several days surrounded by dozens of drag queens competing with one another to see who can mutilate Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography in the worst possible way and now I fully understand [...]

Previously: Big Brother layeth the smacketh down. Ranger Ron and Ranger Russ gave us lessons on snakes and mongooses. Or is it mongeese? Plus, pouting peacocks.

Happy Monday, gasmaholics! No, you didn’t sleep through the whole week. I’m back early! Flippy is dying to unleash some snark on the Chenbot this week, so he’s taking Thursday and I’m taking Sunday. Just go with it, k? We’ll be aight. Tonight, Announcer Guy promises that “a love triangle turns ugly!” And they reuse [...]

I have to start out by saying that I wasn’t sure I was going to like this show when Flipit first approached me with the idea of recapping it, because it’s kind of like Top Chef’s your boyfriend, and Top Chef Masters is your boyfriend’s older brother that you accidentally wind up naked in the [...]

Welcome to the Design Star recaps. Time starts… now

Greetings gastrophiles! People who know me in real life know that I love to throw parties and play fun music and have fabulous food that I usually force my BF to cook and serve. He loves it, too. You must ignore him if he tells you differently. As for me, I pretty much stick to [...]

Welcome back, sports fans, to the White Trash Olympics! Before I get into the action, I have a little speech to make. Way back before the dawn of time, around Big Brother 3 or thereabouts, I was poking around the Interwebs for a recap of a BB episode I missed, and what did I find [...]

Welcome back to another season of Big Brother! Schoonie, Flipit, and Copyhacker here. We are starting off with our group recap, and then will return to regular format for the rest of the season! Grodner has filled the house with some very impressive ignoramii, so let’s get started! Why is Chastity Bono sobbing? Find out [...]

Hey everybody! I just realized something… I’ve been recapping for TVGasm for an entire year now (my first recap ever was on July 2nd of last year) and I just want to give a big warm and gooey thanks to all of you incredible ‘Gasmii for making me feel so welcome, I absolutely love my [...]

Bienvenue, my fellow cuisine connoisseurs! You know, so far this show has kinda surprised me with it’s almost total lack of outrageously hugantic ginormous egotistical assclowns, and I was beginning to think that I’d be reduced to making lame jokes about bad hair and croggily-wacked teefs on these pros… until tonight. Now, we can change [...]

Welcome to Round Two, my little culinary cohorts! At the risk of revealing something personal, I’m going to go out on a limb and admit that I’m not a fan of leftovers… something that my BF is constantly reminding me of in his patented Long-Suffering-Voiceâ„¢. In fact, for the first 5 years we were together [...]

Well, hello again foodie fans! My name is J-Mo and the last time we were together it was in the barren, frightening, and almost entirely calorie-free zone known as America’s Next Top Model (a.k.a. TyraWorldâ„¢) so I’m sure you can imagine my excitement when Flipit gave me the green light to work on a series [...]

Oh my dear fierceling fashionistas, it is with a heavy heart that I sit down to write this final recap. Or maybe that’s just the pizza and beer I’ve just inhaled. Gimme a second, here… *urp* Okay, I feel better now. It’s just so hard to believe that only 3 short months ago we were [...]

REAL life. REAL fashion. REAL people. REAL cheap. Welcome to The Fashion Show! If this picture doesn’t sum up how REAL this all is, I’m at a complete loss.

Hi-hi once again to all you Ty-Ty fans! Let me start out by making a heartfelt apology to everybody for all the exposed chubby manflesh (i.e. hairy tits) in last week’s recap… after ten weeks of watching women who need USA For Africa far more desperately than Africa does, I got a little carried away [...]

W’sup girls’n’boys? Welcome back to Brazil, home of elite fashion designers, thick accents and zero labia hair, and I have some pressing questions for you all. Have you ever wondered what some of these girls would look like wearing a doily and some dental floss? Would you be interested in watching Sex-God Nigel Barker making [...]

Gone Country! This week on Make Me a Supermodel, it’s country time lemonade meets angsty modeling mayhem! The kids go to the country and take photos with livestock. Also, a personal trainer comes in to help them shape up, and some deal with it better than others (Jordan Mcbitchalot, I’m talking to you). Also, Colin [...]

Olá! e boa vinda! That means “Hello and welcome” in Portuguese! I’m so glad you’ve joined me once again, because it probably means that you are enjoying my semi-rare and mildly stimulating insights into the cosmic fabulosity of this show. Given the average length of my recaps, it also probably means you have about a [...]

Welcome once again fellow fashion fans! Thank you for your patience while I was off having a fabulous time dancing and sweating in the sudden 100-degree heat-wave that hit Phoenix this past weekend… but on the plus side, some guy came up and told my drag-queen friend that his favorite dancer out of the six [...]

¡Buenos Nachos, mijas y mijos! Can you believe we’re halfway done with this cycle already? If you’ve been actually watching the show, I’m sure you’ve had a few moments here and there where you had to wonder to yourself “What in the blue fuck just happened? That shit made no sense!” (and like me, you [...]

Welcome back all you Diva-Dolls (and for you guys, I guess, Divo-Action-Figures)! Now that my ears have stopped ringing from all the screaming that went on in last week’s episode, I wonder if this week will find the girls being a little more tolerant of one another’s (admittedly lackluster) personalities? I think I will consult [...]

What’s up little darlin’s? Let’s talk for a moment about mistakes. We’ve all made ‘em (my hair and fashion choices that routinely got my ass kicked in the ’80s is a prime example) and hopefully we’ve all learned from them. It’s a semi-rare person that willfully does something incredibly stupid that doesn’t feel remorse or [...]

Mouhaha: Bringing the pretty. This week on Make me a Supermodel, Tyson is gone because he got a modeling gig? Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. The gals and dudes have a shoot based on who they are, or at least how they look like in front of mirrors. The winners get a [...]

Hello all you closet voguers out there (and you know you do when you’re driving and Madge comes on the radio with one of her bestest songs evah!) are you ready for me? I hope so, ‘cuz I’m on a huge high from the drag pageant that I was at this past weekend (more on [...]

Greetings and salutations fashionistas! Well, it’s been a crazy week for our poor Tyranna-Sore-Ass, what with the international news coverage of the riot/stampede that broke out amongst a mob of munchkins at auditions for Cycle 13 (a.k.a. The “Okay, I Guess Short Chicks Might Be Pretty, Too” Cycle) in New York City! I don’t want [...]

Hey there, hi there, ho there, fashion-fans! I’m so happy to be once again sitting here in the dark at my PC and watching impossibly thin and beautiful women bitch and cry at each other (most likely out of ravenous hunger) and knowing that in a few minutes I’ll be polishing off the better part [...]

Welcome back all you fiercelings! I finished that last recap at 5am and had to get some sleep. I dreamt about an army of big-eyed, tacky-nailed, constantly-crying, super-bitchy skeletons who were chasing me all over The Forum Shops while shouting random insults at my hammer-toed feet and trying to stab me with pickle pens so [...]

Hey-Ho to all of you Tyra-ites! This is J-Mo, and I’m here to serve as your faithful acolyte as we once again become devotees at the Altar Of Stick-Thin Bitches Who Never Eat. Yes, it’s time for Cycle Twelve of America’s Next Top Model…, where 2 Tic-Tacs and a Marlboro Light is considered “lunch”, where [...]

Hello again music fans! It’s me, J-Mo, already back from the land of MTV and I’ve been lucky enough to land this one-off recap for a show that people actually want to watch. We’ve reached that critical point in tonight’s competition where yet another cut is going to be made, people are going to scream, [...]

Are you there, God? It’s me, J-Mo. Normally I don’t bother You too much, because most of the time I’m just down here on this little planet of ours, living my life, trying to be kind to others (when not recapping), working my job, loving my BF and having a fabulous night of dancing for [...]

About 10 years ago (when I still lived in L.A.) I was home in Phoenix and out clubbing with some friends when I met a great big corn-fed bubba from Kentucky who was also visiting the desert. I was instantly smitten with this Magic Mountain of a Man (big southern boys are a weakness of [...]

This week on Top Chef, Ripert is back and he’s hornier than ever. Beaten cross eyed.

Greetings ‘Gasmii! I just got back from Los Angeles where I spent the weekend celebrating the BF’s birthday with lots of good food (we had an insanely expensive but orgasmic meal at Lawry’s The Prime Rib) and entertainment (we screened the classic disaster-flick “The Towering Inferno” to see O.J. Simpson’s amazing afro) and I wondered [...]

This week on True Beauty, The beauties take action sports photos. America’s next top model fans beware, there are always those lame catches that make the contestants seem more “human,” like tests of “Compassion,” “selflessness” and…”non-dickheadishness.” Okay, I made up the “non-dickheadheshness. ” It’s not a word, just a state of mind. Mr. Caddywhompus is….TRUE [...]

Ohhh, my dear sweet ‘Gasmii, what a week this has been… My day job is treating me like a stiffened sex-kleenex (as in, they really don’t want to even acknowledge that I’m on the floor… but they’re not above trying to use me to clean up some tacky mess that someone else left behind), my [...]

***And now please welcome home Monamonzano with True Beauty!! Can you see my soul? Well, it’s hot. The question True Beauty poses is: can beauty be measured by science? Yes. Can Douchiness? Science hasn’t progressed that far, folks.

Greetings from the First Day of 2009 beloved Gasmii! I hope y’all partied and bullshitted all night long, hopefully to the point where you woke up this morning minus your underwear and with unexplained bite marks. You better get some disinfectant on those right away. As for me and the BF, well, we stayed in [...]

Hey everybody! I hope you all had a great Christmas and that Santa Claus brought you that extra special gift you were looking for. I must have pissed him off big time this year, because he delivered 14 people directly to my house for Christmas Dinner, and my nieces and nephew decided to play Let’s [...]

Woo-hoo! It’s almost Christmas Time, and Santa sure came early for a certain fat gayboy in the Desert this year! I’m guessing that he did that creepy voyeurism thing he does (like how “he knows when you are slee-ping, he knows when you’re a-wake, he knows when you wear fuck-me-pumps and a thong for goodness’ [...]

Hello Gasmii! It’s me, J-Mo, back from the land of limbo (and pageants featuring big drag queens) and I’m all fired up and ready to wreak havoc on an actual MTV show! Although I am mostly a Bravo! junkie (all my previous recaps have been of hairstyling and interior design shows) I have occasionally tuned [...]