POSTS TAGGED: reality

There are times on American Idol where you’re left saying “Well, that was quite a shocker”, and there are times that you’re throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming “ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!” Guess what kinda night this was for me?

“I’m so near to fame I can smell it!” Tonight on The Bachelor Matt goes on his hometown dates! For the first time in Bachelor history, we meet a celebrity father. Okay, maybe not really a celebrity, but at least someone who was on the show “Are You Hot?” No, come to think of it, [...]

None of these individuals took Vegas for millions counting cards in Blackjack or anything else. Hey-o! Can you believe it? A Paradise Hotel recap done this early in the week? Only the promise of long overdue drinks tomorrow with the ‘Gasm writers would get me on top of my game, so I could get out [...]

Don’t forget the Jabbawockeez are America’s Best Dance Crew, dawg! Dear Judges, Andrew Lloyd Webber wants his masks back. This is American Idol goes to Musical Theater Camp, where anything goes!

Somewhere, Lorenzo Lamas is turning in his fashion grave. Tonight’s episode of “The Hills” taught us that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another one opens. Or, wait, no… actually, everything happens because your life is controlled by a television team and when one door closes, all other doors will surely [...]

Ciao, Gasmii. I’m sure my two loyal readers (hi Mom and Dad!) were concerned that I had dropped off the face of the earth after no recaps from me for the past two weeks. But fear not! I’m still alive and kicking. I thought about recapping the recap episode but once Dominique started professing her [...]

Last week’s Jenny Jones-esque makeover episode made for some great TV, but the CW brought us back to boring ol’ competition grounds near the end, leaving us at a cliffhanger where the 4 remaining Dorks and Bitches had to choose who to send to the ominously named “ELIMINATION ROOM.” Sending Cowboy Joe and his ho [...]

Previously on Big Brother, Sheila was forced into actually playing the game. Go, Cougar!

Hey, a good episode! Imagine that. Not sunk yet.

The judges react to Mariah Carey’s lesser known hit “Ken Lee” Now that’s it’s down to 7 mostly blah contestants, we’re losing some steam here on American Idol. Seabreath walks past a somber lineup of the leftover contestants like they’re labor camp prisoners waiting for their daily ration of bread and lashings. It’s better than [...]

I just really missed Amanda. The moment we’ve all been waiting for…Who’s come back to haunt the guests of Paradise Hotel like a drunk, slutty ghost? Will it be a season one guest like Man Boobs Dave, (which would be awesome)? Or are we going to be subjected to Raheim and his tedious civics analogies? [...]

“Lovely weather we’re having!” This week is a big one on The Bachelor. Matt has to decide which girls he will be joining in their own hometowns to meet their families! There’s really no way of knowing who his favorites are because he’s played tonsil hockey with everyone and thinks they’re all “brilliant.” Maybe a [...]

This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls learn how to grill, they actually follow through with something that came up earlier in the season, and Rob makes an appearance. Unfortunately I watched the show so I know that two of those things didn’t happen, but it really doesn’t matter which. If this [...]

We’ve had a whole week to recover from the non-stop excitement of last week’s premiere episode, and now Rock The Cradle is back. And this week, one of these young lovelies will get a serious dose of rejection from someone other than their famous ‘rents. Who will it be? You don’t find out until the [...]

This week rocked! For real! My girl Bethenny is back with Jason, semi-sober and thoroughly awesome. Ramona goes craazaayzy. And we finally get to see why Alex and Simon live in their bedroom… There’s Not Enough Electricity In All Of Manhattan To Fix This

Like, what? In honor of this week’s fallen culinary warrior on Hell’s Kitchen, I took it upon myself to do a little research about that loveable American doll that we call the Barbie. Fun Fact #1: Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Do they actually make people named “Millicent” anymore? Sounds like a fat [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! Also known as the beginning of someone’s journey to “Celebrity Rehab”! We jump right into the night’s special guest – Sheryl Crow! And THANK YOU Sheryl for being the first guest on this show NOT to have butchered your face! She looks beautiful and she actually has [...]

**Note from the Editor: Alright, Gasmii. You’ve sent letters requesting this one, so please welcome InternetSensation with Step it Up and Dance! And you thought we never listened…xo It’s Nomi, bitch. Welcome to Step It Up and Dance! More than a decade later we find out what happens to Nomi Malone when she hitches her [...]

It’s the “naughty stool” for these two gigglers. Tonight The Bachelor takes a turn for the serious. But before that happens we have a jolly good English group date and a really dreamy 50′s date at a swell diner. Matt continues doling out the kisses, Pouting Robin continues doling out the frowns and Leelee continues [...]

Previously on Big Brother, I laughed my ass off. He’s crying like a priest with a boner.

Ok, Gasmii, given that there isn’t a ton of new footage in the reunion and I figured the finale would be all glitter confetti and models rubbing Corey’s big bald head for luck, I decided to do an UBER-RECAP of them both together – enjoy! So, what have you been up to, Beautiful Frankie? “Make [...]

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to grow up as the child of a legendary musician who everyone cares about, you’re in the same boat as most of the contestants on MTV’s new show Rock The Cradle. For your viewing pleasure, MTV has lumped together 9 offspring of rock and pop stars [...]

Ow! My back!

Any of you out there ever been to Italy? Because I haven’t, and it makes me wonder, are there rednecks in Italy? I mean let’s be honest, there ARE rednecks globally. I know this because my family is not from the continental United States and yet, there are some members that love Wal-Mart, wear shirts [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars!!! Which celebrity will be sent back to their life in B-films and Geico commercials?!? And most importantly, will Kylie do the locomotion?!? Let’s get started! Tom begins by recapping what a nasty night the show before was. Insults galore! We start with the clip of Bruno asking [...]

Well, gasmii, this week of Big Brother was an emotional roller coaster. I gained and lost seven pounds, scared the employees of Little Caesar’s, and left voicemails for my mom at four am just because. To properly express how I felt, I put together a clip for ya. Enjoy. Or not. I just had to [...]

Congratulations, friends. You’ve made it to the end. No doubt you are now sallow, emaciated shells of your former selves, but such is the price one must pay if one is to sit through the entire season of Celebrity Apprentice. I myself am subsisting solely on a diet of beet juice and crushed almonds, and [...]

Previously, on Survivor, Jonathan’s knee was about to fall off, so he left. But Chet had an ouchie on his heel! Wah! Vote him out, before he gets scurvy! Look how noble he is for not quitting!

“The magic is inside you. There ain’t no crystal ball.” Remember how I suggested that an awesome twist for American Idol would be strapping the judges to the lie detectors used on the godforsaken shitshow that is The Moment of Truth? Well, some story editors at FOX must be reading my lil’ ole’ recaps, because [...]

Previously on Beauty and the Geek the girls try to decide who they should sacrifice. …a virgin? Good luck.

I mean “Government”. Hi, everyone! Did you know that Lady Sensation lives in a time warp? And in this time warp this recap is not only on time, but early! Yes, it’s great to be delusional. I could be one of our Paradise Hotel contestants. Anyway, enough about me. Let’s slather on that SPF and [...]

First ever double-elimination ceremony! Woo woo! Sharpen your blades Yamiguchi-san and let’s start cutting some of these bitches! Let’s start off with Useless Samantha’s dress! Fugly. Looks like she took a pretty black dress and then wrapped glittered sweat bands around it. She looks like a black salami wrapped in twine.

Making the Band opens this week with Miss Dimples herself, Aundrea, recapping the entire season for us! Among the highlights, she mentions: bitchassness between the boys, Orangebrey getting bitchass drunk, DK becoming veterans of the music industry at the ripe old age of bitchass, the boys bitchassing water and flour all over their room, Robert [...]

Hey there THAT’S AMORE! lovers. Can you believe it’s only week 4 and we’re already down to 5 girls?! We’ve got two brunettes and three blondes left, so Domenico has done a nice job giving himself some variety. In fact, tensions were so high between the blondes and brunettes that at one point, a challenge [...]

This week on American Idol, Paula and I were on the exact same page. I woke up for this?

Real men are from England. Welcome, beloved readers to the 12th and greatest season of The Bachelor! I have missed you so much since my Amazing Race stint. I’m so happy to be back with my favorite of all shows, The Bachelor. This season has been dubbed The Bachelor: London Calling. I’m not really sure [...]

I’m still trying to recover from my drinking bender this weekend, so if there’s anything that doesn’t make sense in this recap of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, you can just blame it on that. Or me still being drunk from St. Patrick’s Day. Or me being drunk now. This week we learn that Rob [...]

I want you. To not be late again, Lady Sensation. Lady Sensation had a crazy week, gang. It’s an excuse, but no justification for abandoning you all. I do believe that above all reality television comes first, but unfortunately that’s not what my landlords say, so late it is! So, when I did have some [...]

Fun bags, that is. The twins have arrived! And thank god, I’m not talking about living, breathing progeny, but the man-made, shoved-into-your-pectoral-muscles kind. And gosh, we had a proud mama. Get her while you can. Next week is the last episode in this installment. But fear not, these probably air three times a year.

Yes! Ah, yes. The episode of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila we’ve been waiting for. We’ve got sex dolls and fistfights and ambulances, oh my! Join me as we watch our dirtiest – and most entertaining – episode yet!