POSTS TAGGED: recap

So, a lot happened this season. A tone-deaf Cuban kid with a sizable wang stuttered his way into the Top Ten. Whispers of a conspiracy theory that Idol producers were behind the elimination of anybody possessing a wang, sizable or otherwise, floated among the five of us still watching. Randy Jackson, creator of timeless phrases [...]

Really?????????????? That’s it?

The end, my friend!

It’s Puerto Rican, but it’s romantic, y’all!

Sorry about it, Dec! The second hour of the season finale.  Deep breath, we’ll get through this together.   The bomb has gone off at Grayson Global, timed perfectly with Conrad’s press conference.Conrad has given the “assassin” the nod setting off the explosion. Nolan calls Aiden, telling him Jack might have been in the building. [...]

Great news, everybody. This episode will only be an hour long, so we can all squeeze in some Hurricane Nia before bedtime. This episode starts off like Tyson V. Holyfield, with slow music and footage of the contestants slowly turning their heads. If anybody’s going to lose an ear, I hope it’s Kree. That’s not [...]

Last week, Kroy pursued legally adopting Brielle and Ariana.  Super nice guy, like an island in a raging sea of something else. The Biermann family is growing quickly, so they are building a new black mold dream home full of mirrors.  Plus, he’s gained a precious mother-in-law that is like antifreeze-laced icing on the crazy [...]

Yes, kids, the apocalypse is upon us.  Breaking Amish has returned for a second season.  This also means that TLC doesn’t give a single fuck that everyone is onto their complete lack of any legitimacy in their “reality” programming. This episode is quite boring due to the fact that we’re busy catching up on their [...]

Don waves his “Dick” around.

Welcome to SEASON 10 of this wonderful, wonderful way to spend 60 minutes or so!  I’m standing in for PottyMouth, your regular SYTYCD recapper, for this first ep.  I’m so excited the new season has begun!  Unfortunately, the FOX site won’t let me watch the show on my ‘puter, I tried to take screen shots from my [...]

Look out Wine Country, here comes the short bus!

Shit just got real.

  Welcome to TVgasm’s newest weekly show, It’s TV: With Ronnie and Carrie! Today, we discuss Survivor’s newest champ, Bravo’s upcoming Princesses: Long Island, and we write an official break up letter to the cancelled shows of the season.   Let us know what you think in the comments, and like, subscribe and comment on our YouTube [...]

Finale. Finally.

Last week on Hell’s Kitchen, a lovely girl named Brianna celebrated her Quinceanera and Amanda got the (well-deserved) boot. Quite frankly, I thought it was a pretty anti-climactic episode. Ramsey did leave us hanging at the end of the episode however…would he boot another chef? Put someone on double secret chef probation? And now…the continuation [...]

Good Morning, Gasmii!  It’s probably not morning for whomever is reading this, but I consider morning the three hours after I wake up, so whether that’s 9am-12pm or 1pm-4pm, I “good morning” everyone I damn see.  The current time is 12:48pm, PST.  Fuck off, I work long nights.  Speaking of, guess who’s got a baby, [...]

Hola, Gasmii.  I hope all of you who did this one or more times (or adopted or welcomed children some other way) had a happy Sunday.  And FYI, I found a LOT of pictures more graphic than the one above showing labor and birth, so you’re welcome for not posting those.  Let’s get started on [...]

  After such a huge scandal and revelations that the show was a giant pile of bull, TLC has brought back Breaking Amish.  We now have a tag Brave New World to add to that title, which apparently means that they’re just making this show the Jersey Shore for the Amish.  Next year, they’ll head [...]

Only one week left, thank Gokey. To remind us that this program is a joke compared to its competitors, Ryan kicks off the show by interacting with animated characters from a stupid Pixar movie or some crap. I’ve never heard of The Voice hawking Ford Pintos or the Who Framed Roger Rabbit prequel, which might [...]

No act of charity goes unresented

Kim spent most of last week’s episode trying to learn the rules of football…stupidity on so many levels.  Rose, her grandmotherly psychic, showed that her crystal ball needs new spark plugs and an oil change after she predicted Kroy would be in the Super Bowl.  It wasn’t exactly a lingerie league team, but Kim learned [...]

Getting closer…

ZAPPED!!!

SPRECHEN ZE DOUCHE?

Hope you all are recovering from Amber’s unjust dismissal last week. I’ve been so upset that this show was dead to me, until I remembered I have a recap to write.  Ryan starts off by welcoming the wise and professional judges, including a blonde Chaka Khan with plumber crack cleavage. He mentions that Mariah clearly [...]

Sucking Lemons

Finally a redhead that I don’t want to kill on the show.  “Tell me O’ Muse, from whatsoever source you may know them.” We’re in a house. Fk. It’s Juliette’s house and she’s staring at the cat scratches on her hand. She says to herself “I’m not going to a doctor for a cat scratch.” [...]

…total bitch.

These lovebirds are gettin’ hitched!

Time may change me. But I can’t trace time.

Oh yes… Well, it certainly seems like it has all been leading up to this, doesn’t it? The Revenge team somehow managed to have all of this make sense.  Maybe?  By the end of “Engagement” I felt like I was watching another chapter of the Dark Knight, but instead of Batman, we have Emily. Strap [...]

One of these four teams is about to be the winner of AR Season 22 and get one million smackeroos! And then Berry and I will have to quietly wait until season 23 starts so we can double our efforts name dropping the Ford Focus or Fusion so we are finally given one! But that’s [...]

Hola, Gasmii!  Last week on this show, the last stupid person was kicked off. Looks like the kid is fine now, except that his dad is still Gary Busey. The remaining contestants take stock and realize they each have a win under their belts this season and may have to finally bring their A games [...]

Goin’ to tha chapel!

***You guys have been asking for recaps of this show. Please welcome AngryNerdGirl to make it worth the wait!  Hi Gasmi!  AngryNerdGirl here, and I am so very excited to be recapping Scandal for you!  Previously: the entire series happened.  There are only 3 episodes left in Season 2, so let’s just say that Olivia [...]

My diamonds ALWAYS match my dress! So, I guess season two will also have and engagement party. And (as it has been highly publicized) someone else will die.  Maybe Daniel for real this time? Unfortunately, the Graysons ain’t got time for no superstitions – and therefore they are doomed to repeat their mistakes. Or more [...]

Two in one elimination episode

This is going to be pictureless. Which I completely understand will mean that a lot less people will read it… but I can give you a ton of excuses, or you can just assume that anything excuse I give would probably be a lie. The truth is that I’m a specially trained FBI analyst and [...]

Jordan and Nia are sexually frustrated: brought to you by Subway

Season finale!