POSTS TAGGED: recap

Previously on Heroes…the episode had a semi-legible title. This week, I give you “Eris Quod Sum,” which is Latin for “Yes, We Have No Bananas. Just Creepy Old Men. And Badass Sylar.” Oh, also “You Will Be What I Am.” What am I? Soon to be unemployed, so I really hope you won’t become that. [...]

On the first episode of Celebrity Rehab’s second season… They let this guy back on TV. Now who’s drunk?

It’s been awhile, Gasmii, but I’m back and ready for action. A ginormous grazie to LoLo for helping me out two weeks ago while I was rearranging my life – how awesome was her recap? Love and kisses, LoLo, I owe ya. Last week’s mid-season recap show was lame as usual, offering no insight into [...]

This week on House: tricks, treats, 13, lots of needles, a spider, a hooker–and oh yeah, B1 H0TT13Z D01N 1T 4U !!! Looks like Halloween and Christmas are both coming to Princeton early this year. Ho ho ho, off we go! 13 is getting some action. I could give you details, but there are plenty [...]

Welcome back to the ATL for another installment of the Real Housewives! I’m not gonna lie, this week was a buzzkill. NeNe’s sad, and when NeNe’s sad, whoooooo Lord, I am too. Luckily, we have Kimmie’s cigarette fueled music ambitions and DeShawn’s gala that’s sure to end up netting her three to five for fraud [...]

Lighing yourself on fire: the new way to game chicks. We’re back! The boys are lookin’ good, feelin’ good, ready to learn some material to take to the field! They are so close a random hook up they can taste it. I know you’ve been waiting for this recap all week and it’s true I’ve [...]

Dear Gasmii, Please, please don’t tell me that the Roli/Marilyn slapfest is representative of great UFC fights, I will be crushed. Seriously, I’ve seen more exciting fights at a Macy’s shoe sale. Cutie Pie Roli might have been pathetic in the octagon, but at least he hasn’t been spewing about his prowess for the last [...]

I love that on this show, the previouslies are made to look like Olde Timey footage. Did you know last week was actually 1932? Anways, last week in 1932, Rocco was eliminated while Cloris somehow managed to hang on for another week. And then Brooke went all Sylar on our asses and exploded like a [...]

Hello dolls, I am loving The Real Housewives of Atlanta more and more with every passing moment. I am both horrified and adoring at the same time, and what better combo could you ask for in a reality show? So let’s see what our gaudy gals are up to this week. I want a weave! [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, they did something that that truly shocked and repulsed me. I have struggled as a faithful viewer through some difficult episodes of Grey’s, but this week they might have gone too far. They did something that has turned me off of many a show in the past, something that has [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, we have to deal with a lot of Vanessa, but the payoff makes it more than worth it. Plus, Dan is surprisingly likable and I get the recap posted at reasonable speed. All together now, Chair ‘shippers: “EEEEK!”

The live season finale of Making the Band opens this week in MTV studios in New York City with our host big-hatted Sway. He is yap, yap, yapping away, but I can’t even hear any of it because all I want to know is whether or not Orangebrey and D.Woods are still in the band. [...]

Oh Gasmii, this recap is unfairly late; and I fear it gets worse: it’s going to be a little bit bad. Sadly, in the world of the outer-gasm, I have a very unrewarding job that takes up entirely too much of my time, stresses me out a great deal, and get this: doesn’t even permit [...]

Boy, it has been a long and strange eight weeks, hasn’t it? Never in life did I think I would have the opportunity to see so many walking doormat salon owners, poorly skilled colorists, badly-hygiened cutters and downright stupid support staff. We’ve seen just about every kind of managenent style, too… starting with the Micro- [...]

This week in the JDMA, Chandler picks on plussie Alana and Marty has a little chat about acceptance with the plussies. Plus Size Model Magazine comes and casts Alana and Ivory for a shoot and though Janice doesn’t like the idea, she brings FROOT LOOPS TO THE CASTING. FROOT LOOPS. The shoot is sloppy and [...]

Tonight on The Hills, the whole crew (or at least those who matter) go to Cabo-Wabo to live in a state of constant inebriation and to happily witness the tension between Blahdrina and her alley-dwelling Romeo mount even further (and you didn’t think it was possible!). It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for since… well, [...]

Dear Crabby: What could be more trashtastic than having your sister be your son’s real father? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: Nothing except that unfortunate dress Willie was wearing during most of the show. Did Dynasty throw up on her, and spew bile on Marc? Oy. But the telenovelas deliciousness continues, including a guest appearance [...]

I’m back everyone! Sorry for the delay – it’s only because I flew to Brazil to meet up with the teams and interview them! Unfortunately I never found them because I thought they speak Spanish there and I tried looking for them under a clue in the sand. DAMN YOU AMAZING RACE! I learned it [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, a trip to Yale gives us catfights, secret societies, and a half-naked Penn Badgley. Not a bad week, friends, not a bad week. “Blake, Leighton, I said cut! CUT! Oh god, here they go again… Hair and makeup, stand by.”

This week on the I Love Money reunion, it’s really obvious that some of these girls need an attitude adjustment! I just wish there was a place for them to go, say a place where they could learn some charm. If there ever is such a place, I sure hope VH1 thinks to promote it.

Dear Gasmii, For those of you that have spent valuable hours, days, and weeks wondering if abusive public urination can now be considered passé, this week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter has officially confirmed the cliché status of peeing as a form of revenge. Now that a sparkly golden rain has become a mundane pastime [...]

My friends, I’m running way late this week, so let’s just skip the opening banter. It’s not like this is a presidential debate or something. An American woman of Chinese descent is in China, walking through a Buddhist place of worship with her interpreter. She’s looking for her birth parents. When she introduces herself, they [...]

This week’s episode of Heroes, entitled “Angels and Monsters,” calls to mind every single cliché frat/sorority party theme I have ever been subjected to, including “CEO’s and Office Hoes” and “Mermaids and Seamen.” Let’s pop our collars and do this! I said pop your collar.

Back when I was a young boy, and still had hope for the future, I dreamed of a world in which everyone flitted about in personal hovercrafts and jet-packs (mysteriously avoiding zillions of mid-air collisions), computers would talk to us in British accents (they’d all sound like Joan Collins in her giant shoulder-padded Dynasty days), [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, Danielle brings her family for a visit, MJ gets bullied, Lynette makes Tom feel like he’s worthless for the millionth time, and Mike makes Jackson his bitch. …and McCluskey tries to initiate a key party. Dirty ho!

It’s another Thursday night and I sit down fully prepared for more self centered arguments, painful whining, un-mistakable sexual undertones and misleading logic. And that’s just from the Vice-Presidential debates! Thank you Sarah and Joe for interrupting an hour of Meredith whining for an hour and a half of your own. But fear not readers, [...]

This week on Project Runway, a girl wins! YAY! Someone please water Kenley before she dies.

Offices, as a rule, suck as far as interior design goes. Unless you’re Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue) or Diane Von Furburger (famously accented fashion designer) or Martha Stewart (God), you pretty much are stuck with a room that has all the personality and sex-appeal of a wad of gum stuck under the conference room [...]

On this week’s episode of “The Hills,” BLAHDRINA IS A DEPLORABLE DUMBASS. Which we already knew, but it became more unbearably evident than ever before. Plus, she goes through the whole episode looking like that chick Alotta Fagina from “Austin Powers,” with or without the buoyancy of water. Less awful and more fuckable than Blahdrina.

This week on The Island, Robin gets to taste some pizza, Johnny Bananas gets a taste of his own medicine, and oh look, I think Evelyn wants to play baseball with Johnny’s head… Fun!

Making the Band has been crying wolf with manufactured drama all season. And although this episode ended with a dramatic cliffhanger, I remain skeptical. Let’s take a looksee, shall we? I hope he’s channeling the reality tv gods cuz this show needs some SAVIN’!

Hello gorgeous dolls, and welcome to Atlanta for the latest installment of the Real Housewives! This Housewife franchise isn’t really my bag of tricks, quite frankly, new money bores me. But a few weeks ago, during one of my bonding days with my sofa, I happened to catch the preview special on Bravo, and next [...]

Dear Crabby: Can this show get any better in terms of reaching a telenovelas high this season? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: Any better, and you’ll have to be writing to Dear Happy. And no one wants that! -Crabby/Happy Glad to see the Biore strips are working, Betty! This was ONE SWEET episode of Ugly [...]

So I know I totally dropped the ball on these I Want to Work for Diddy recaps. Sorry bout that. But since this week was the finale — and since Gossip Girl was a rerun, giving me more free time — I thought a final recap was in order. So who actually will work for [...]

This week on I Love Money, the episode is as long as Midget Mac’s wang! Which is ironic, to say the least.

Hey everyone! Your regularly scheduled America’s Next Top Model recapper, Hoolia, is out kicking ass interviewing for jobs that actually pay, so I’ll be subbing in for her this week. I’ll do my best to live up to the quality you expect from her, so without further ado, let’s bring on the vapidness! “Honk honk! [...]

Dear Gasmii, I am sorry to say that this week’s episode chronicling the lives of our valiant, fighter, wannabes left me SHOCKED. Completely, SHOCKED by the boorish, violent, and crude behavior of some of the little guys. Who would have thunk that alcoholic punks would behave so badly when locked in a testosterone ridden house [...]

Yatta! I did it! I finally found a job that absolutely fits me and is willing and able to pay me more than packing peanuts and boxes of Mike&Ike. Oh wait, the economy is going to render the future job null and void (I was silly enough to choose “journalist/writer” as my career), and now [...]

This week on Project Runway, Kors steals from Kenley, Kenley steals from McQueen, and Squirc steals construction paper from middle schools to finish her line. I got you, damn fly!

There’s at least one in every workplace. We’ve all been stuck at a desk or in a cube near her at some point. She’s the gal who wears the ill-fitting too-tight tops and low-rise capris (with thong undies) and doesn’t seem to understand that at a certain point spaghetti straps stop looking sexy and start [...]