POSTS TAGGED: recap

Another year, another Emmys, and another 3+ hours of my life I’ll never get back… Can you feel the excitement?

Let’s hop back aboard USS Crazy, shall we? And who’s the captain? Of course, our friendly octogenarian zombie, Janice Dickinson. Why, might you ask, am I not the Captain? Well, I gave it up after I headed a little voyage called the Spanish Armada. Grew out of it, you know? Lacked enjoyment. Yeah, I’m old. [...]

Well guys, since it’s already Sunday night and there’s a new episode on tomorrow night, this week’s extremely late Gossip Girl recap’s going to be dedicated to Hazel — it’s a midget recap. Blair needs to really reconsider her “O” face.

This week on I Love Money, we start seeing a damn lot of ads for Rock of Love Girls: Charm School 2. I’m as excited about this show as anyone ever could be, but they skanked the girls up really hard for the opening photoshoot. I mean, Heather, really? Really? One of my beloved commenters, [...]

Hey Gasmii, Welcome to Ultimate Fighter, the ultimate in crazy bitch slapping reality shows. And when I say crazy I don’t mean talking to yourself on the bus kind of crazy. I mean stabbing people with screwdrivers because you don’t like their pet gerbil kind of crazy, and then keeping the gerbil in your freezer, [...]

Remember back in the late 90′s when ABC held their “Viva Las Vegas” night, and there was a massive crossover with all their hit shows of the time, between “Coach” and “Ellen” and “Grace Under Fire” and “The Drew Carey Show”? Over the course of two hours you got to see separate episodes of all [...]

Hello again, Gasmi. We’re back with episode 4 of 90210! This week, we are treated to some more Silver and Dixon, Naomi and Ethan, Ty and Annie, and a whole lot of outfit changes. Plus, the father of Kelly’s son is revealed once and for all! Find out who knocked her up and left the [...]

***Note from the Editor: Gasmii, you did us right by rocking the vote in this Fall’s Auditiongasm! Please give it up for your newest recapper, Copyhacker!!! Welcome to season 5 of CSI:ER House! Before we get rolling, I’d like to note that I’m no relation to the late great copygodd, whose House recaps of seasons [...]

This week on Project Runway, Mrs. Peacock killed someone in the dining room with a revolver and Kenley acted like a total asshole.

Part of the fun with Prison Break is that you’re not meant to take it all that seriously, and yet it gives me more heartburn than anything else on television. Except maybe the news. Or anything that contains the words “Heidi” or “Spencer.” The point is, damn, people! More corpses this week, and more close [...]

A good friend of mine who is a music composer (and his boyfriend, who is an animator) have been at the New York Television Festival this week… I got a text message from him on Saturday that said “Girl, I am fifteen feet away from Tabatha Coffey… THE one!” I immediately texted him back threatening [...]

Tonight, on the last night of the best season of Big Brother in a loooong time, Renny wins a new wig!

Welcome, everyone, to another fun-filled half-hour of uncomfortable reaction shots, listless wealth, and badly overdubbed audio, all presided over by the Queen of Meh herself, Ms. Lauren Conrad (‘n’ Friends!). Last week ended with a tear-filled reunion, and tonight will bring the return Pigpen’s douchiness (Hint: it was hiding under his goatee). Naturally, these people [...]

Oh, how these models get disrupted by Kehoe! And, Janice is a self-proclaimed Germiphobe. Kentucky Denim goes better than I thought, meaning Kehoe gets his ass kicked by Dominic. And, people like Martin as a model, even though he’s hard of hearing and has a hunky interpreter. Traci moves into the house because Janice thinks she’s fat, and Hazuki gets her hair chopped off while Crystal looks on in pride (because she got a haircut, once, too). Xian makes a big ‘ol meal and Polina gets her teeth fixed. Kehoe gets kicked out. Lots is always happening here in the Model Mansion.

Hello, Gasmii, and welcome to the first real episode of season two of Kitchen Nightmares! In this episode, we are treated to the best of Long Island: a restaurant named after the owner’s mustache, turtleneck sweaters that haven’t been manufactured since 1987, a lady-mullet, and for no apparent reason, Dee Snider. Will Guest Star for [...]

This week on Making the Band, it’s time for the very first show on the tour. I bet that our heroes and heroines will stumble and fumble all through the rehearsals only to magically pull off a concert of a lifetime in the end! Now let’s get this manufactured drama show on the road! The [...]

This week on I Want to Work for Diddy, Boris loses his title as the show’s sole bigot, Mike’s an idiot savant with the ladies, and we learn why the morbidly obese gain the weight. “Gah… blonde…. boobies…” Doing our country proud, boys.

Picture it: Somewhere off the coast of Panama. Actually, that’s not true. It’s not just anywhere. It’s in Bocas del Toro, or “the mouths of the bull”. Because apparently bulls have two mouths now. But that’s not all that’s different. This time times are tough. People are washing up on shore. Rachel has no friends. [...]

In my tremendously exciting and stimulating day job as a Medicare D Claims Analyst / Adjuster (*snort*.. my job title has the word “anal” in it…) I am often forced to tackle projects with a “teammate” or “partner”. Sometimes this pairing is super-simpatico and the two of us spend our planning sessions eating Chex Mix [...]

This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad and Trust Fund fight like 7th grade girls. Madison tries to sell some land. Chad finds a house for a family friend and his mom creeps me out. Trust Fund spends time with granny and attempts to make the biggest sale of his life. In the end, all [...]

Advice for Linc’s stunt double: Demand a bonus every time they hit you with a car. So hey, sorry about missing the first week of school, how tacky is that? A hurricane blew out my electricity for a week, you see, so my circumstances were totally extenuating. [Update: the posting of this recap was delayed [...]

In this week’s episode of ANTM, there’s a lot of bickering and bitching, a lot of people sticking their noses where they don’t belong, and a lot of accusations fly about everything from racism to fake tatas. It’s all in a day’s work! “I do not get paid nearly enough.”

Welcome back kids for another exciting installment of 90210! Episode 3 brings us lots of new goodies, including; countless TERRIBLE Naomi faces, more Ethan being adorable, Ty being adorable but I still like Ethan better, Debbie wishing her Beverly Hills family was more like Full House, and the glorious return of the devil (aka Kelly’s [...]

“How many copies do you think my album will sell?” Tonight on Date My Ex… we have arrived! We have reached the end of this ludicrous journey and have only one more hour until we know all! It’s been a long week of nail biting, pacing, foot tapping, and tears, but at last it’s Monday [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, Nate takes on a part-time job, a new love trapezoid develops, and Serena & Dan unintentionally demonstrate the need for Lysol disinfectant wipes. Oh and this: “Hey Big Daddy…”

This week on Project Runway, Carmen still has trouble making friends, Kenley gets her model a boob job, and Keith gets another chance to charm our pants off. Anyone?

And neither do we. Previously on The Hills, Heidi was weak, Spencer was an intolerant brat, and LC was a frigid non-bitch. Tonight on The Hills, a double recap! Lucky you. Because I was surprised by the special new episode right before the MTV Video Music Awards, you get a double dose of my snark [...]

Previously on Big Brother, my heart was ripped from my chest, eaten by a jackal and then pooped out in a muddy alley in Cincinnati. I’ll never love again. “I don’t wanna close my eyes. I don’t wanna fall asleep, ’cause I’ll miss you babe, and I don’t wanna miss a thing……”

After only two episodes of this show, I have fallen deeper in love with Tabatha Coffey than I already was before! What is it about searing criticism delivered with a foreign accent that makes it so much more palatable? I don’t know, but I, for one, find it incredibly fascinating… and I think the next [...]

This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad gets some bad news about Cuttino’s house. Madison, in the most boring segment yet, sells a house to some spoiled rich kid. Trust Fund, on the other hand, comes across as almost sympathetic. I know, right?! Let’s get started so we can get ended. When a fat stinky [...]

***Letter from the Editor: Please give a warm welcome to your newest recapper and one of your faves from Auditiongasm, AuJew! For the very special, 2-hour premier episode of Kitchen Nightmares, Chef Gordon Ramsay revisits last season’s biggest train wrecks to see if any of the people he scared shitless have yet to regain control [...]

Have you noticed that this season of Making the Band is following the EXACT same pattern as last season??? In both seasons, we started off with a confrontation between Diddy and Orangebrey over Orange’s “problem child” behavior. And then there was a lot of bitchassness, and it was revealed that Brian had anger management issues. [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, Memphis shows sick tendencies, Dan poses a lot, and Jessie sweats off even more weight.

This week on I Want To Work for Diddy, the teams have to deal with Diddy’s tyrant of a mother as well as his menagerie of children, before treating us to the most bizarre and hilarious elimination ceremony yet. “Puff Daddy… P Diddy… Sean Combs…. can someone please tell me who this Walk of Fame [...]

When I was a wee lad just 15 years old, I told my mother that I wanted to “redecorate” my half of the horrible basement room I shared with my older brother. The people who had lived in our house before us had been extremely patriotic and had wallpapered the room in an eye-searingly hideous [...]

This week on I Love Money, the challenge is so earth-shatteringly gross I gagged many times while discussing it! This was charming to everyone near me, as I wrote most of this recap in a train station. Hello, world! Enjoy my mucous!

Okay, Gasmii, do you think you can handle another gloriously cheesy season of Top Model? I heard numbers for the excruciatingly long premiere were way down this season but hopefully none of you jumped (space)ship. Cycle 11 is headed back to LA and during the course of this two-hour premiere, viewers were treated to special [...]

Previously on Big Brother, Renny dazzled America with her wigs, dangly earrings, and muumuus. I’m pullin’ for ya girl! Baby Jane grew up to be healthy and happy, contrary to nasty rumors.

It’s been a long summer, but finally — Gossip Girl is back! Nate serving his one and only purpose.

This week on Project Runway, Kenley cries because she’s sick of working for K Mart. Seriously. Let’s go!! Blue Light. WAAAHHHHHHH