POSTS TAGGED: recap

This week on The Biggest Loser, we finally find our villain! Her best feature is that if she ever threatens to go all Hannibal Lecter, she probably means it. Join me after the jump!

Hello Gasmii, welcome back to another episode of Toddlers & Tiaras! This episode takes us to the Miss Tiny USA (please let it be for fat kids!) in the fine city of Laurel, Mississippi. Damn, I’m going to be singing that M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I song through this whole recap! Pageant Director Darla Bailey, the second wife of [...]

****And now please welcome your newest recapper, SexyPanda!! It’s the second season of Lifetime’s DietTribe, where we meet the latest group of tubby friends to embark on a weight-loss journey. There’s no competition involved, and the women aren’t even that pretty. So why are you watching? The eye candy that is Jesse Pavelka? Cheap/petty jokes [...]

Tonight, on Survivor: This face. Also, white supremacists everywhere weep.

“Mmm… models.” This week on Models of the Runway: Pumpkin pie.

This week on America’s Next Top Model, we have to suffer through the CoverGirl makeup challenge (where unfortunately no one comes out looking like a clown whore), as well as through Tyra’s annual delusion that she’s a legitimate photographer. I really would prefer her to spend the rest of the cycle this way…

Hey Hey Gasmii! The hot topic of the season has turned out to be how much of a twat NeNe has become, and if she has any right to be miffed that gold-diggity Wigger Kim yanked back her offer to let NeNe record with her on “Tardy For the Party”, the tasty pop confection Kandi [...]

This week on Project Runway, blue is the new fug. Nothing personal.

We’re back again for another night of Heroes! When we left, Gretchen had just seen Claire do her signature dive out the window. Seriously, this girl has jumped out of a TON of windows. But let’s pick it right back up where we left off. Claire’s hiding out in her room when Gretchen bangs on [...]

We all saw the previews. Marc Jacobs performs Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” and I know people were getting really excited for this but Joe Jonas already covered this shiz. That was cute but this is months later and I am not impressed. Instead of putting a ring on it, let’s put a lid on it. Thanks. [...]

Welcome back my Real Worlding and Road Ruling Gasmii! Here’s this week’s recap: Twenty eight cast members from previous seasons of the Real World and Road Rules contaminate Phuket, Thailand and compete in the newest Real World/Road Rules Challenge/Clusterfuck. Landon is not one of the cast members. The End. Seriously, MTV. I’m far too old [...]

This week on 90210, Borianna runs back into the loving arms of Drama, Jen outsmarts Liam and vice versa, and Dixon digs himself into a deeper hole. In other news, Jen finally bought chapstick…with Naomi’s money, of course. Heh.

Spencer contemplating his own cultural relevance This week, the Hills Pills are back for season six, with just as much (if not more) staged drama than ever before! Kristin Calivarri returns to steal Justy Bobby and drama ensues with Blahdrina Dead Eyes and Stefanie “Bulimia” Pratt. Heidi and Spence go house shopping and Frankie the [...]

Hola Gasmii! So I’m feeling really good about myself because I am superskinny as I’m just coming off a 48-hour fast. You know, the first twenty four were for Yom Kippur but I like to double up because God LOVES skinny girls. So forgive me since I’m a little light-headed. And maybe a bit drunk. [...]

Welcome back everyone! It’s time for the show that preaches worldly knowledge while its contestants practice worldly ignorance! I’m bBitz and I’m excited to be back for my 3rd season of this Emmy-award winning show! (Clearly because of my recaps.) Last season we learned that just because you’re deaf doesn’t mean you can’t win (well… [...]

Greetings, Gasmii! This week in our super late recap of The Biggest Loser, we discover that working as a team means you can do anything! We also discover that this show is two hours every week, which means no matter what, we’ll always have a large time.

Ok, one hour down, one to go! We start part two of Grey’s Anatomy on Day 20, of life after George and Meredith is still monologing about the stages of grief. And on Day 20, people are kind of taking it easy. We open to Lexie sitting in the room with a sleeping Seviche, Yang [...]

Welcome back to Grey’s Anatomy! Last season we ended things with a BANG, and that was just the sound George made when hit by the bus. Too soon? To quickly recap, at the end of last season Izzie was knocking on death’s door, which looked a lot like the Seattle Grace elevator, in her prom [...]

Okay, who’s up for a new season of Dollhouse? Come on, we’re going to catch up with all our friends from last season, and watch Eliza Dushku bring down an international arms dealer using only three facial expressions. So make the jump and let’s get to the good stuff.

***This is Part 2 of the Heroes season premiere recap. Check out Part 1 here! *** We’re back for the second part of the premiere, this one titled Jump, Push, Fall. When we left for the break, Parkman was dreaming his giant kid was still a baby and kidnapped by Sylar in exchange for his [...]

“Ra’mon gave me lizard skin to make me a lizard for Ra’mon.” Moments before… it’s the same as always. The Models of the Runway whose designers are in the bottom two are quivering with fright.

Teams must decide when it’s most advantageous to go for it!

This week on America’s Next Top Model, the girls finally get catty and my friends can take a break from suicide watch as Tyra’s big yapper takes a backseat for once. Instead, we get an impromptu performance from The Supremes. “Stop! In the naaaaaame of Tyra!”

Hey hey hey, what’s up people? I may have spoken about my brush with the culinary world before. I don’t like to talk about it much, because I don’t want people to think I’m trying to be all grand or pretentious. However, I can say that I was a chef for about 11 months at [...]

Tonight on Dancing With the Stars Results, the tanning machine in George Hamilton’s guest room is plugged back in and Kathy Ireland re-signs her deal with the devil. Come on in. Couldn’t be more painful than Kelsey’s new show.

***This is Part 1 of the 2-hour Heroes premiere. Part 2 will be along ASAP.*** OK, here’s the deal. I’ve been watching Heroes since Season 1, when it was awesome. BUT one writers’ strike later, the wheels pretty much came off. I recapped House last season, but Flipit let me jump over to Heroes (I’m [...]

This week on Project Runway, illegal alien human hybrids across Earth bowed their heads in shame and we found out what gives Gunn boners. My pants just got tighter in the crotch area.

Hola Gasmii– Who’s in the mood for steamy love triangles, shocking twists and dazzlingly interwoven night-time soap suds? Unfortunately, True Blood is on hiatus. So let’s forget about all that and just watch this. Oh, by the way, I figured out how they’re coming up with the seemingly random titles for these episodes. They’re L.A. [...]

This week America’s Best Dance Crew decides to rub salt in the open wound of Rhythm City’s elimination by not only showing it again, but adding a clip of Alonzo backstage after the decision, wondering what they did wrong. Maybe next time you should just fuck your girlfriend on stage. America seems to like that.   [...]

This week on 90210, Kelly’s back, Jen’s not and EmoAnnie’s spine grows 3 inches in a day! In other news, Mones gets jury duty. Rejoices over not having to go to work. Cause I still get paid suckas!

Remember last week when I said that everyone needed a fashion intervention except for Trace because he only owned a pair of jeans and a white shirt? Well, I was wrong. So very wrong.

OK folks. So here’s what’s gonna happen. It’s premier night of Dancing With The Stars. I know nothing of dance and have barely ever watched the show. Why am I recapping it then? Because it’s easier than self-mutilation. Let’s see who’s dancing tonight shall we? The night the Republican comeback stalled.

Life is funny sometimes. When I want to engage in self-abuse, I lock all the doors and make sure the drapes are closed. When TV wants to give itself a massive three hour handjob, they book a block of prime time on CBS. Oh, and they have musical numbers. Well so do I, but I [...]

No one can tear their eyes away. This week on Models of the Runway nothing much happens. Shocking, I know.

Tonight, on Survivor: I’M NOT WATCHING LYDIA AND NATALIE ANYMORE! YESSSS! Also, some attention-loving jerk burns a few things.

Greetings, Gasmii! We’re back for yet another season of The Biggest Loser! This is my first time watching the series, and I couldn’t be more delighted. Already these folks are the biggest thing in my life. Join me as we embark on the two hour premiere!

This week on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra teaches us how to make up words. I can do it too! Let’s see… I’m going to take “awful” “arrogant” and “hypocrite” and what do I get?! TYRA! “She’s a sucky person!”

Hi Gasmii– It’s another action-crammed episode of RHOA, with special emphasis on how selfish Kim is, how talented Kandi is, and how insecure NeNe is. There’s blood, sweat and tears. There’s a pop song hook that gets stuck in your brain and keeps repeating itself when you’re trying to write your Melrose Place blog for [...]

Welcome back boys and girls (and anyone undecided)! This may come as a complete shock to some of you, but I actually grew up and became a very experienced outdoor camper in the wilds of Minnesorta… as a member of the Boy Scouts Of America. Yeah, I actually learned orienteering by the stars, how to [...]

This week on 90210, Matthews takes the hobo chic look to a new level, Liam gets more than one line and Annie has a real crappy first week of school. In other news, Jen still needs chapstick. Come on, Jen. Everybody’s doing it!