POSTS TAGGED: "Ryan seacrest"

So, a lot happened this season. A tone-deaf Cuban kid with a sizable wang stuttered his way into the Top Ten. Whispers of a conspiracy theory that Idol producers were behind the elimination of anybody possessing a wang, sizable or otherwise, floated among the five of us still watching. Randy Jackson, creator of timeless phrases [...]

Great news, everybody. This episode will only be an hour long, so we can all squeeze in some Hurricane Nia before bedtime. This episode starts off like Tyson V. Holyfield, with slow music and footage of the contestants slowly turning their heads. If anybody’s going to lose an ear, I hope it’s Kree. That’s not [...]

Hope you all are recovering from Amber’s unjust dismissal last week. I’ve been so upset that this show was dead to me, until I remembered I have a recap to write.  Ryan starts off by welcoming the wise and professional judges, including a blonde Chaka Khan with plumber crack cleavage. He mentions that Mariah clearly [...]

Make some noise for your Top Four! Wait – Top Four?  Oh, that’s right. Last week was an effing joke and nobody went home.   But Babyface (or someone who looks exactly like Babyface) is in the audience, so that makes up for last week’s disappointment. Glad I can see you again, Kenny (get it?). [...]

  Another week, another jaunt to the children’s hospital. When this show isn’t cringe-worthy or mind-numbingly boring, it’s downright depressing. The one bright spot is Amber’s new curly ‘do. I’m hoping next week she’ll appear with a nose implant to further her transition into Barbara Streisand.    Amber, never let them film your right side. [...]

Thanks Ryan and The Queen of F*cking Everything!

Welcome back, loyal viewer! The show starts with a pre-recorded video of the Top 5 talkin’ ’bout issues and how crazy-cool-medallions it is that they made it to the top five.  A few of them sneak in comments about how it was “America” that voted for an all-woman group. Seems a little fishy that AI [...]

  I’ll leave who the stupid hoe is up to you, but in my opinion, spelling the ebonics pronunciation of “whore” like a garden tool certainly qualifies one for the honor. So, there was an argument on the show last night. I’m not entirely sure what the argument was about – someone claimed they disagreed [...]

Nothing is off limits, except the truth

  As you can see from the photo above, the dress code the producers issued to the judges was “Evening Gowns or Ratty T-Shirts from Urban Outfitters.” Nicki, always the rebel,  refused to comply. I hope they make her smell Laz’s pits for punishment. The Top 7 perform “Somebody To Love” by Queen. Sounds like [...]

 ”Wonder if Cee Lo makes more than I do?”   It’s been a long hard week of excluding Lazaro from group activities save for the occasional cruel practical joke where he’s the target (you know you’d do the same), but the finalists are ready to roll for Rock Week.  That’s right – Rock. No ballads, [...]

  The show opens with the contestants standing in two straight lines as Ryan goes into some bunk about how the contestants all “come from different backgrounds.” Yeah, they come from all different backgrounds besides the white male kind of background. Way to pat yourselves on the back for your behind-the-scenes race and gender orchestration [...]

For more episodes, just keep it playing! Just another day of bulls**t: No one knows what the hell is wrong with Lil Wayne, Ryan Seacrest and Juliana Hough break up, and Sanjaya Malakar gets a non job. Also, Snooki hits the red carpet and Kathie Lee tells us way too much about her own red [...]

If anything’s askew, it’s Angie Miller’s hair. After the harrowing experience of having to hear songs by Fergie and Colton Dixon in the same week, our Top 10 are finally revealed.  Sick Human Being. With great skin. Is it just me, or does Ryan seem to really delight in the process of sending people home? [...]

It’s sudden death…but not the kind that happens to up-and-coming rappers on the Strip. Drive-by shooting leads to 6-vehicle collision; 3 dead It’s been a busy week in Vegas, Gasmii! Not only was there a Tupac-style gundown just a block from where Tupcac himself was riddled with bullets (may he rest in peace), American Idol is in town for [...]

“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered.” – CBS Program Practices “My God Portia, she has BACON in there!” The 55th Annual Grammy Awards were relatively conservative this year. Most of the attendees DID comply with CBS’s wardrobe rules and dressed appropriately for prime-time television. Some of the ladies found ways [...]

Hey Gasmii! My name is Dashley, and I am a recovering Idol-holic. I used to watch this show religiously, forsaking a personal life in order to be a part of the revolutionary idea of choosing who the next music superstar should be. And then I hit rock bottom: Adam Lambert didn’t win his season. And [...]

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