POSTS TAGGED: seasons

It’s time to say goodbye to our favorite f****ed-up parents.  All problems will be resolved in a charming, mature, and loveable way.  Maci and Ryan will stop being immature and fighting about custody in front of Bentley.  Amber will stop popping pills and flying off the handle while Gary will go on a strict diet [...]

Previously on Teen Mom, Farrah is a nutjob and a crappy mom, Maci and Ryan are idiots, and Gary and Amber are terrible parents.  I’m sure none of this will change over the course of the final two episodes.  I could be wrong, but I’m never wrong soooo… Maci and Kyle talk about their birthday [...]

Previously on Teen Mom, Farrah can’t handle being a mom, Maci and Kyle made a terrible decision, Butch blamed April for his jail time, and Gary is still a dick. Debra, the abusive mother, is watching Sophia while Daniel takes Farrah to Austin.  Farrah whines that she misses Sophia and thinks the month without her [...]

If I could base my psychic abilities on my Teen Mom predictions, I would be vying for my own reality show called The Snarky Psychic.  We begin with Maci and Kyle making one of the stupidest mistakes of their lives.  They are signing the closing papers.  It’s really sweet when Maci tells Bentley they’re getting [...]

Last week on Teen Mom, Farrah met another victim guy, Amber was sprung from rehab, Cate pondered going to college, and Ryan and his family were angry about preschool. Because Farrah had such a great time on her horseback riding date, she takes Sophia for a ride on a horsey.  It’s really cute and I’m [...]

DirecTV and Viacom have settled, so I get to have my Teen Mom back on my boob tube.  It’s just not the same watching these dipshits on a small, non-HD screen.  It just doesn’t capture the idiocy as well. Because Farrah and Ashley think Debra is the most horrible, abusive mother on the planet, Farrah [...]

For the first time in six years, Farrah, Ashley, and Debra will be under the same roof.  This should prove to be great.  Kyle still doesn’t have a job, so Maci uses this as an excuse to not put Bentley in preschool.  You know, because it’s healthier for Bentley to be taken care of by [...]

Hey kids!  It’s been a while, but we’re back with a new episode of Teen Mom.  I know y’all can’t wait to hear Farrah’s grating voice and look at Maci’s Proactiv-sponsored face. WARNING:  MTV is taking it’s sweet time getting the videos up, so I’m having to scrounge for pics.  The pics aren’t legit, but [...]

In Florida, Maci is sitting out on the balcony dressed up like Michael Jackson, spying on Ryan and Dalis.  Ryan and his friend Tyler are speculating as to why Maci decided to stowaway on their trip.  Apparently, Maci had texted Ryan and told him he’d have more fun with her down there than he would [...]

Last week on Teen Mom, Catelynn and Tyler have their 2nd year visit, Amber hopes to see Leah, Maci is annoying, and Farrah is still a nasty bitch. Catelynn and Tyler get their caps and gowns in and try them on.  Poor Catelynn still hasn’t changed her ‘do and it’s bigger than ever.  Bless her [...]

This episode of Teen Mom has solidified Maci’s bitchiness.  Ryan and his family are supposed to have Bentley for a full week while they go on vacation, but Maci foils those plans by inviting herself and her gaggle of friends along for the ride.  Kyle doesn’t care if Maci goes there, because he’s busy going [...]

It’s the first episode of the final season of Teen Mom vanilla, y’all. I don’t know about you, but I’m very interested to see how these kids cope with actual reality once the MTV paychecks stop coming in. The season kicks off with Maci making a bigger deal out of preschool than necessary. Bentley needs [...]

The final season of Teen Mom vanilla has kicked off.  I know you’re all dealing with depression and grief over such a loss, but please bear with me.  Nothing has changed in the lives of Farrah, Maci, Amber, and Catelynn.  Farrah is still an ungrateful, slack-jawed bitch. Mom, why don’t you just hand me the [...]

Live performances from Heaven and Hell.