POSTS TAGGED: sexypanda recap

Idiots on bad dates

It’s finally over!

Sink or swim on your own, bitches.

BBQWTFOMGROTFLMAOTTFNYMMVPDQ! What just happened? Wow.

House votes change everything.

Doin’ it nature-style.

VH1 has created a big, fat, hot mess. And I mean that literally.

“Hello? Yes, I’m still a tool. Thank you for calling.” Hi all my friends, companions, and lovers! I mean, lovers of TV and friends of TVGasm, of course! Are you ready to pick apart this week’s Millionaire Matchmaker? The final episode of the season? Except for the LIVE reunion show this Tuesday? You are?! I [...]

Hola, ‘Gasmii! How was your week? Did you enjoy the big basketball heartbreakers? Watch Desmond connect past, present, and future? Take on a second job? Run your first half-marathon? Count three out of four for me, friends, which means I’m ready to relax and talk about some funky millionaires. This week, we have a chunky [...]

No, not that kind of Strom. Oh hi! Were you dating someone for the past month or two, content with how it was going, even if it wasn’t that exciting and you knew he wasn’t the love of a lifetime, but at least it filled a teensy little empty place in your life, for now [...]

Welcome back, my ever-lovin’ Gasmii fans! Did you miss me? Did you miss Patti? I guess Lindsay Vonn and Apollo Oh-No! trumped millionaires making fools of themselves last week, but I sure relished the night off to sit around in my snowflake jammies, guzzling back a little too much chocolate wine. What, you hadn’t heard? [...]

I thought the other night was bad. I was reeling from watching LOST, and then I headed over to happy millionaire dating land, where all should be mentally well and socially skilled, right? To my horror, I was instead subjected to the blech that is Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis. You thought that I was joking [...]

Boy oh boy, how can we ever recover from the mess that Shauna hath brought upon us last week? It’s like no one will ever find love again! What is a millionaire to do?! Oh, stop, they just need to call Patti Stanger and, BAM, success. Right? Right. Bring it on, Millionaire Matchmaker.

Will we last forever? Do we fall apart? Sometimes, it’s so confusing, these questions of the heart. You followed me through changes, and patiently, you’d wait. Til I came to my senses through some miracle of faaaaaate. I was living for a dream! Lovin’ for a moment. Taking on the world–that was just my style… [...]

In her glory days in Minnesota What do you do when some crazy Botoxed cougar with a needle nose and death stare who’s previously been a big ol’ bitch to you comes back and supposedly wants a second chance? If you’re Patti Stanger, you bitch up and down to anyone who will listen, give Botoxed [...]

Hey, did you all think we were just about done with this Launch My Line mess? With all that “finale” talk last week? Me too! But this bitch is broken down into two parts. We won’t have any idea WHO gets to launch their crappy line until next week. It makes me want to cry. [...]

Last week on Millionaire Matchmaker, we met two business dorks who were very interested in finding love advertising their business. We also learned that Patti’s now engaged to her beloved Andy, and wedding planning is in the works. So what’s in store for us this week? A shrill little boy with teensy hands who wants [...]

She’s baaaaaaaack! Pecker!!! Oh, I’m sorry. Hi! Welcome to the third season of Millionaire Matchmaker, where weirdos with too much money and not enough sense get set up on micromanaged dates with models and pharmaceutical sales reps (or gay men)! Sure, the occasional normal person slips in, but that makes boring TV. Bring on the [...]