POSTS TAGGED: snarky

May a Boobs fall on your house.

End of love.

Four enter…two remain…two go away…is that math right? Good.

It’s round 2 of round one, and nothing is what it seems! Except Bastage…

Who will go on the block?

The final four get down and dirty with some monk fish.

Boobs makes her nominations.

…can cause birth defects.

It’s the 1st Eviction!

This is Vegas, they don’t need luck… Just hidden cameras.

The Challenge nears the end…and balls.

Who is the best dancing has-been of them all?

Semifinals Results: Miley Virus spreads.

Who will be America’s Next Top Model?

Five remain in the struggle for irrelevance.

This week on America’s Next Top Model, we have to suffer through the CoverGirl makeup challenge (where unfortunately no one comes out looking like a clown whore), as well as through Tyra’s annual delusion that she’s a legitimate photographer. I really would prefer her to spend the rest of the cycle this way…

Welcome back everyone! It’s time for the show that preaches worldly knowledge while its contestants practice worldly ignorance! I’m bBitz and I’m excited to be back for my 3rd season of this Emmy-award winning show! (Clearly because of my recaps.) Last season we learned that just because you’re deaf doesn’t mean you can’t win (well… [...]

****And now please welcome LOLO back to the fold!! WE MISSED YOU BABE! Well, I gotta hand it to Flipit. Only two things would have forced me out of recap retirement: giving me an outlet for my Tyra rage or making Jeff from BB my personal sex slave. Because Technotronics is still safely sequestered in [...]

Howdy y’all! I swear Fox has been toying with us the last few weeks. House is on, then off, then on again. On means Silly Metaphors and House Bingo. Off means I get to sleep, but my dreams are dark and depressing visions of House being canceled and me getting put on Rock of Love [...]

Last week on Gossip Girl, the goddamn blogging software ate my recap, hence me posting nearly two weeks later. We also learned that the rape gene is hereditary, people from Iowa are idiots, and that old people are full of phlegm. “But Dorota, I don’t want to follow the scary girl. I want to lick [...]

The second episode starts with the players who are still in the game. Everyone’s confident that they’re going to work their ass off (literally) to bring back their partners…that is, everyone but Joelle. She is legitimately scared for her life if she doesn’t get Carla back on the show. Honestly, I hope that happens, and [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, Chuck teaches us it’s never too early for a line of coke, Eric finally says to Jenny what we’ve all been dying to tell her, and we learn that Jenny and Dan’s relationship is WAY grosser than anything between Dan and Serena, half-sibling or not. As if we needed more [...]

This week on the Real World Brooklyn, everyone learns something. Still with me?

***Screampillar is taking the season off to GET MARRIED! Congrats lady! In the meantime, we’ve got a fantastic new recapper to fill your terrorist fighting needs. Please welcome Dogsnaxx! Greetings from the Island Manhattan, Gasmii! I’ve been given strict orders by my supervising Officer Flipit to guide you through all the twists and turns of [...]

Happy 2009 and welcome to the first Gossip Girl recap of the new year! I hope you all had a fabulous holiday, and are as excited as I am for our favorite shows to get back up and running! Nevermind Chuck. He’s still upset he didn’t get that pony he asked for.

Two weeks ago on Gossip Girl (heh… sorry bout that…), a pivotal event shakes our UESiders, giving us weddings, funerals, illegitimate children and declarations of love. I haven’t cried this much since the last time I stepped on a scale. “I should have told you to eat shit with that licorice ring and married the [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, the show finally returns to form as Blair and Chuck are at their best, Jenny and Vanessa finally have it out, and our predictions look like they’re coming true. Plus: Extra Dorota!

This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny and Bart compete for the title of Dumbest Person EVER while Chuck is a worthy runner up. Seriously, I haven’t seen this much stupidity outside an episode of Big Brother in a long time. This isn’t so scandalous when it’s more clothing than she normally wears, anyway.

We’re back – fresh from a non-elimination round and a world record for TV episode containing the most uses of the word “babe”! Ladies and Gentlemen – it’s AMAZING RACE! 6 teams are left and Nick and Starr are out of the gate first. The first clue – head to Deshbandhu Apartments for their next [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, we focus on Jenny for the second week in a row in this filler episode that hopefully is just setting things up for better plots to come. J Humphrey Designs. Call 917-VERY-FUG.

This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny’s mullet takes center stage as she befriends Mini Coop, shoots daggers of hatred at Eleanor through her raccoon eyes, and trades being molested by one creepily older dude for another. “Welcome to the NYC, bitch!”

This week on Gossip Girl, we have to deal with a lot of Vanessa, but the payoff makes it more than worth it. Plus, Dan is surprisingly likable and I get the recap posted at reasonable speed. All together now, Chair ‘shippers: “EEEEK!”

I’m back everyone! Sorry for the delay – it’s only because I flew to Brazil to meet up with the teams and interview them! Unfortunately I never found them because I thought they speak Spanish there and I tried looking for them under a clue in the sand. DAMN YOU AMAZING RACE! I learned it [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, a trip to Yale gives us catfights, secret societies, and a half-naked Penn Badgley. Not a bad week, friends, not a bad week. “Blake, Leighton, I said cut! CUT! Oh god, here they go again… Hair and makeup, stand by.”

So I know I totally dropped the ball on these I Want to Work for Diddy recaps. Sorry bout that. But since this week was the finale — and since Gossip Girl was a rerun, giving me more free time — I thought a final recap was in order. So who actually will work for [...]

Hey everyone! Your regularly scheduled America’s Next Top Model recapper, Hoolia, is out kicking ass interviewing for jobs that actually pay, so I’ll be subbing in for her this week. I’ll do my best to live up to the quality you expect from her, so without further ado, let’s bring on the vapidness! “Honk honk! [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, new friendships emerge, old friendships splinter apart, and Dan is one God-awful writer. I dare you to read this without wanting to stab yourself in the eye.

In the world of Design, there is a fine line between looking chic… and looking like you take it up the ass. Well, actually, no, there really isn’t any difference between the two, and that’s why a lot of straight-male bachelor pads are probably “decorated” with generous quantities of dirt, body hair, stiff kleenex and [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, the crew returns to school, and even with minimal Blair-Chuck interaction, we have the best episode of the season thus far! “You know, I’m getting really sick of how strict the dresscode is here, Dan.”

Well guys, since it’s already Sunday night and there’s a new episode on tomorrow night, this week’s extremely late Gossip Girl recap’s going to be dedicated to Hazel — it’s a midget recap. Blair needs to really reconsider her “O” face.