POSTS TAGGED: spoof

“Are you calling me fat, you hippos?” Greetings, beloved readers of the Jersey Shore recaps! This week we’ve been presented with an extra-special gift: two back-to-back episodes! Now I adore this trash fest as much as y’all, but two hour episodes are the bane of my existence… and apparently my lot in life. You may [...]

It’s award season! I could take or leave the self congratulatory show, but I lovelovelovelove the clothes. That’s why I’m on the case for the pre-show action. Tonight’s victim is the Golden Globes. I’m tuning in to E!’s live from the red carpet coverage, because that’s where Ryan Seacrest is. Whenever you complain to yourself [...]

This week on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kim gets a defective dog. Or the producers give Kim a defective dog, rather. Also, Robert reaches the peak of his laziness, and Kim channels a demonic spirit. Okay, that last part wasn’t true, but from the looks of this picture, I wouldn’t be surprised. “This cereal [...]

Welcome to season two of Models Of The Runway! Here’s hoping that they add some model challenges this year. Personally, I’d like to see the three worst models each week have to eat 1200 calories worth of food and not be allowed to barf it back up. The winner each week can have all the diet [...]

***Please welcome your newest recapper to the fold, VirginiaApple! Hola, Gasmii! In the spirit of this year’s Real World theme (that would be “CHANGE” in case any of you live in a vacuum), I am here as a brand new recapper to bring you the Real World: Despite Jersey Shore, not all hope for the [...]

86 Hours Ago… This guy was much handsomer. The first question I have is, why 86? Are they trying to come up with their own Lostian mysterious numbers? 86 is a good choice, since we’re 86 Nathan now and might be 86 Heroes before much longer. It’s also roughly the number of hours behind I [...]

On tonight’s American Idol, Skara learns that sometimes the crazy ones CAN actually sing, we all learn that dental care in America is not as good as we thought it was, and I learn that Tink used to be a chubby little dork??!!!   LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 

Hello my fellow addicts. Are you ready for another trip to the Bad Girls Club? Here we go!

Tonight on the Season 7 Premiere of Project Runway, tears! Old American Idol runner ups! Kors with a (possibly) legitimate tan! Come on in! Alright, Kors, now you’re overdoing it.

Oh Gasmi, we got all we could ask for on this week’s Dollhouse, 345 trips back to that most magical year, 2007, some of the sweetest geek on geek love ever recorded on television, and twists, twists, twists. So quit fooling around and make the jump so we can get to the good stuff.

The Decieved Welcome back to The Bachelor, Season 1,400 “It’s Got To Work Sometime!” Or as ABC would rather call it, “On the Wings of Love.” I assumed that was a song, but wasn’t familiar with it, so tonight’s episode presented me with an exciting treat, how about you? Of course, the only thing worth [...]

Tonight, on the season premier of American Idol, all sorts of diseases get golden tickets and Mo’Nique finds out she was nominated for an Oscar.

It’s been two whole months since we last saw a decent Irina death scene, and I know you’re all pleased as punch to be back here. This season of Project Runway doesn’t have a title, so I’m going to give it one to make me feel better about last time: “Season 7: Oops, Our Bad [...]

Fresh to death. So where did we leave off last time on Jersey Shore? Oh yes, Vinny was rolling around on the hood of someone’s car with this girl, Tonya, who had apparently been on a date with Boss Danny earlier in the evening. Vinny has taken this idea and run wild with it, talking [...]

Welcome back to the first 2010 episode of Ugly Betty! For those of you playing at home, it’s now on Wednesday at 10pm because networks executives are trying to kill this show. We open with a dentist blowing Betty – no, seriously, he’s blowing air at Betty and she’s loving it. No, wait, it’s Dr. [...]

This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott continues to be the biggest douchebag the side of the equator (surprise surprise), Mom is controlling and Bruce is a pansy (surprise surprise), and Robert is a stalker (surprise surprise). Ready to re-learn what we already know about this family? Let’s go!

“Complimentary rose service begins after takeoff.” Hey, do you guys remember JAKE from Jillian’s season of The Bachelorette? He was that airline pilot who was totally intense, fell in love in one date, came back after being kicked off to tattle-tell on Wes for having a girlfriend, then had a tearful hissy fit over a [...]

This week on The Real World, Dorkus gets shot down but picks himself up and gets himself a fug to lay, BiGuy makes out with boys and girls, and Blondie makes out with a pantry full of food. God Bless America. Inside voice.

Happy New Year Gasmi! I hope everyone has sobered up by now. On second thought, just in case this recap sux, bottoms up! If ya need another excuse to drink, here it is. This is Bad Girls Club!

All I have to say about the Real World is it’s like the Mafia. Once you’re in, you can never get out. And at the end of the day, why would you want to?

“We’re like, blood sistas now!” SO! We’ve had two entire weeks to digest the big black screen that represented Snooki getting her lights punched out by a total pig. This week on Jersey Shore we are promised much roomie bonding in the aftermath of said punch. Let’s see what they’ve got.

On this year’s Tournament of Roses Parade, Hannah Storm behaves inappropriately with a puppy and scares children. Mommy that puppy’s crying!

This week on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we learn that Kim’s a pathological liar. Okay, we don’t really LEARN that. But we’re graciously reminded. Also, the gargantuan Kardashian (a.k.a. Khloe) may or may not have a human parasite growing inside of her. Ready for this, Gasmii? Let’s go! I’d puke if this girl procreated [...]

Here we are at the end of Styl’d’s season, and it’s entire run. Can you believe it? Me neither. It’s cheesy, nonsensical, and unintentionally hilarious. I thought that would mean a hit, but apparently young idiots with dreams of being cheezy LA trash don’t make shows that people wanna watch. Scratch that. Poor young idiots [...]

Hello everybody, and welcome back. Did you all have a lovely Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Drunken Depressive Blackout? Did Santa bring you the perfect gift, such as booze and gift cards, or did you wind up with something far less desirable, like crabs or a subpoena? Me, I was busy packing on a [...]

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/whatever holiday you celebrate. Mine was great. Except for all the relatives. Since Bad Girls is a repeat this week I thought I’d hold off on this recap until tonight. (That’s my story and I’m 60% sure it’s true) Let’s go review what happened last week on Bad Girls Club! [...]

Okay Gasmi, we’ve made it through the holiday season, and you’ve probably been bombarded with spiritual messages, what with little spindly Christmas trees teaching the meaning of Christmas to cartoon characters, birth defects allowing small children to be bombarded with toys, and angels getting their wings, but you know what? Screw that noise. We need [...]

What? We’re superstars! This week, more delusion in that the four Jackson brothers actually think they’re worth something. It’s sort of comical seeing them put together Michael tributes that fail and crack totally unfunny jokes, but on the other hand, I want to stab my television screen with a fork as I watch. Also, Jermaine [...]

Hi Gasmi, well another episode of Dollhouse, which means all sorts of lessons. Such as love can conquer all, the best defense is the ability to telepathically nag people, and upper class British women are surprisingly surly drunks. So make the jump and get to the good stuff. What? You got a problem with my [...]

Yes! We’ve made it, Gasmi. What a strange and ill advised season it has been. We started out with what seemed like weeks and weeks and weeks of auditions, moved on to the first ever Meet the Top Twenty show, didn’t get to vote at all for the first couple of weeks, had the year [...]

Remember the time I got really busy with the holidays and posted the finale of The Biggest Loser really late? But because you all love me so much, you weren’t upset? Yeah, sorry ’bout that! Can I appease you with a hot pic of Danny who is looking really fly these days? Is it wrong [...]

MTV does not condone this type of garbage, okay? What time is it you ask? It’s time to HIT the Jersey Shore!

Hey Gasmi, is everybody ready to spend a lot of time examining the most sublime human emotion? What? No, it’s not rage against Al Roker. That’s the most justifiable emotion. No, I’m talking about love, the one four letter word standards and practices doesn’t have a problem with. Oh and Alpha is back and has [...]

First and foremost, babies ruin everything but especially television shows. From Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch, to Albert on Little House on the Prairie, to Murphy Brown and her ancient egg fertilization, we all know it. So it is with some trepidation that I watched this episode of Ugly Betty with the double pregnancy [...]

Dearest Gasmii– Bitches in da house again, yo!!! Of course I’m talking about myself. Bravo is trying to squeeze a few more drops of ratings milk from this show’s saggy, ashy teat, so let’s see how many people I can offend in one last blog! Before I “lose another fan” (and BTW, I consider a [...]

Previously, oops, did I spell that wronged? Fuck it. Don’t care. In the last episode of Bad Girls Club Batshitalie tried to be the L.A. running alpha ho but ended up spending the night in a hotel because she smacked Kendra in the tater. Let’s take a peek and see what’s what this week!

Hi Gasmii– First, thanks to Msjaqmills, bingo boy and uglycutiefor their very flattering and enjoyable comments last week. God bless you for reading and keep ‘em coming! When The CW gives you lemons, all you can do is make spiteful, derisive recaps lemonade. This show needs a major transfusion of twisted, but let’s dispense with [...]

Tonight, on Survivor: it’s two episodes in one! Also, people finally figure out that it might be a good thing to get rid of Russell at some point.

Hey Gasmi, well it’s time to see what our pals in America’s favorite brainwashing facility have gotten up to this week. Oh and Echo almost helps an illegal immigrant get a lethal injection. So quit dawdling and make the jump and see what happens in this episode of Dollhouse. Cuando llego a casa estoy pateando [...]

“Just try to resist all this. Impossible!” It’s time to head back to the Jersey Shore to check in on the trashiest group of jerks on TV! Reading through all of your comments this last week made me giggle really hard and think about a bunch of stuff. I also have to say that the [...]