POSTS TAGGED: spoof

Tonight, on Survivor: The most miserable episode ever. You might as well ask me to recap Schindler’s List.

This week on Dancing With the Stars Results: Nora Jones pulls a Flash Forward and America revolts against skinny blondes. They should have made her sing “Thriller”.

When we left Ugly Betty mid-episode, Daniel had just come to her rescue by giving her back the insect story and making everyone else feel like shit! Yay Betty! Daniel smiles and pats Betty on the shoulders before leaving. She turns to her now vicious co-workers and says, “Guys,” and they all turn and stare [...]

Welcome back to Las Vegas ye faithful culinarians! I think Scar once said there were something like 70 million billion trillion hillion skillion restaurants in Sin City, and I bet all of them are hurting right now. Let’s face it, there are only so many ways to make “Cheap Beef & Tiny Skrimps” sound classy [...]

This week on 90210, we are introduced to a new character. It’s just like that episode of The Simpsons with Poochie. “Ruff, ruff! I’m Poochie the Rockin’ Dog!”

MTV owed us since we suffered through last week’s total snoozer of an episode and I’m happy to say that they delivered. There was drunk-yelling, plunger-beating, head-smacking, trash-talking and even fly-eating. Another popped boob implant and I would have nominated this one for an Emmy. And maybe Ibis will invite us to whatever party she [...]

This week on Project Runway, the judges smoke a bong, Cranyons are handed a new color for free, and… …Milla is forced to watch her own movies.

I’m going to leave the boring preambles to Samuel this week. He’s doing another voiceover and beating us over the head with the episode theme. Sylar can’t remember who he is, so he’s a broken vessel, a ghost, a blank slate. He has no compass to guide him. BUT Hiro does, because the body thrives [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the BIG merger that we have been anticipating for a good three weeks now has arrived. Meredith monologues the arrival as if they were a disease taking over the body. The invasion starts out small but quickly spirals out of control and the next thing you know, it has taken [...]

This week on the season finale of Flipping Out, we learn a little too much about alternative childbirth. We kept you next to the fat free fudge pops and Lean Cuisines for too long. Let’s get you some chardonnay.

Hello Gasmii and welcome back to this season’s premiere of Ugly Betty! When we last left Betty, she had been promoted to features editor over Marc with a flipped coin, Wilhelmina is on the outs with Claire and Cal, Wilhelmina hired a bounty hunter to bring back Connor “dead or alive,” Betty kissed Henry, Matt [...]

Sincerest apologies for the delay! I’ve been sidelined with an evil virus that not only resulted in this very tardy recap (clearly of the highest priority) but also had me calling in sick on the second and third day of my brand new job. Clearly, I am allergic to employment and am in the process [...]

This Week on Desperate Housewives: Lynette’s boobs are huge! Ana admits she has feelings for a now creepy John, which makes Gabby loco. Bree actually does some catering work for a change. Katherine continues her long slide into the bell jar, and Julie wakes up from her coma, which makes Mary Alice blab on about [...]

Hi Gasmii– With The Beautiful Life rudely yanked off the air after a total of two episodes, we know The CW isn’t fucking around. If they were smart, they’d hire Mike Kelley, the brilliant creator of TBL and the underrated 70′s drama Swingtown to inject some complexity and excitement into the new MP. Because for [...]

Hi Gasmii— Is this thing on??? Seriously, is ANYONE besides my mother reading this blog? Look how awesome last week was: But seriously. We should have a contest to make up an episode synopsis based on the strip of pix above. Maybe we could do it each week and there could even be prizes. What [...]

This episode of Toddlers & Tiaras takes place in Sin City, Las Vegas, where we are joining the Universal Miss and Master International pageant. Unlike other pageants, this is a four-day marathon of glitz, glamour, and more than occasional whining. You need the whole package plus reinforcements as this is a marathon, not a sprint. [...]

OK folks, so here we are. At last we shall learn who will be the next Head Chef at the Araxi Hotel in Whistler, British Columbia. Ha! First we will have to relive all the hideous moments that came before but at some point, a couple of hours from now, we will know. Hopefully. Let’s [...]

Hola Gasmii– Only one more episode until the Season Finale. I know you have tragic tykes in runaway balloons to worry about, so let’s skip the chit-chat this week and plunge right in.

“I will CUT that ho.” Moments before… Christopher and Shirin are in the bottom for designing tacky crap and trying to pass it off as stage wear for Christina Aguilera, who as we all know, wears nothing but high class when she’s performing.

Hello again foodie fans! I just got back from the wonderfully cold, windy and rainy city of Indianapolis where I was attending yet another drag queen pageant. This one is specially geared towards fat guys who like to wear pretty dresses and who strike terror in the hearts of late-night drive-thru employees everywhere. Over the [...]

This week on So You Think You Can Dance (dance………dance) everyone seems to be PMSing or something. Seriously, the estrogen levels must be off the charts because every other person is FUCKING CRYING!!!!!!!!! So get your hankies and your life vests ready and let’s see if we can swim on over to the other side of [...]

Tex Ritter was known as the singing cowboy. He’s also known as the late John Ritter’s father. Tex could really sing, so could Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, so I guess it’s not so hard to see why our Stallionaires are also into singing and why at some point, we would all have to listen [...]

Tonight on Project Runway, one witch is out and another returns. I’ll give you a hint, this is the one that doesn’t get aufed.

Hey Gasmi, this week on Dollhouse we find out all evil in the world comes from bad haircuts. See what I’m talking about after the jump. Hey look, Hitler got an LL Bean catalog

This week on 90210, Kelly wins Daughter of the Year, Jen wins Sister of the Year and Borianna doesn’t win caca cause she’s a lying skank. In other news, Annie had really good hair this ep. Ancient Chinese secret, huh? Wait, that’s not right.

Tonight on Flipping Out, it’s a good thing homeless people don’t have TV cuz it gets ugly real fast. Whoopi get going! You’re gonna be late to work!

Howdy fans! Welcome back! Last week we learned that Marcy liked Vietnam so much she decided to stay there, apparently the Harlem Globetrotters really are quite the globe-trotters and Lance may quite possibly be the dumbest person on the show… ever. But it’s not just about brains – it’s about brawn too (“ROAR! Lance destroy [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, its morning time at the Karev trailer park and Karev is bustling around getting ready for the day. He maneuvers the piles of crap that are cluttering the already teaspoon size trailer, he showers and dries off with dishtowels, he brushes his teeth using a bottle of jack to rinse [...]

I have a confession to make – I find Lorenzo Lamas to be hot as hell. When I see him in his leather vest with nothing underneath, long flowing hair and porno mustache, I know it’s tragic, but I can’t look away. So I see Leave It Lamas an opportunity to watch Lorenzo. This means [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Bree gets all jealous with Karl; John the Gardener returns; Lynette and Tom try to hide her pregnancy from Lynette’s bosses; and Susan goes absolutely ape-poopy on Angie and Green Day. And Katherine has one scene and no lines. This lame extra had a bigger role than Katherine’s this week.

…..aaaaaand also letting them escape.

Aloha Gasmii! This luau of Toddlers & Tiaras comes straight from Honolulu, Hawaii, host of the “America’s Fabulous Faces” beauty pageant. Pageant Director Marcy Stoehr, code name for “Sally Struthers,” is the co-director of the pageant. Clearly the other co-director knew better than to be on camera. The pageant has been around 13 years, but [...]

Last week’s epi was all about Kristin Chenoweth. Fox obviously makes their guest stars earn their checks. She’s cute and blond and petite. Yay for her, give her a cookie. She was also annoying as shit and I couldn’t listen to that squeaky helium balloon voice for too long. Sorry Hun but I had that [...]

“THIS is why you’ll never be a Model of the Runway.” Moments before… I was watching Mad Men and trying to guess what the episode might TRULY be about before I find out for reals on the interwebs tomorrow. I love that show, but every time I read commentary on it, I realize it’s way [...]

This week on The Biggest Loser, Shay runs her mouth so much, you’d think she had something important to say! Sadly, you’d be incorrect.

This week on America’s Next Top Model, the girls head off to Vegas where a fan favorite slips up a bit, and a dumb bitch thankfully goes home instead. “HAHA, BEN, you’ve got to be kidding me! For the last time, I do not have any weed!”

Greetings Gasmii, my apologies for how far behind I’ve fallen on recapping the actions of our favorite misfit gang of douchenozzles. After an incredibly busy week of everything that could possibly go wrong going wrong, and just when I was all caught up and ready to dole out some much-needed snark, I got smacked upside [...]

It’s coming down to the wire folks. Four Chefabes left. I think Ramsay only has a handful of veins left that he can burst without dying so let’s take a peek and see what the final four of Hell’s Kitchen are up to. I want me Mum!

Buenos Tardyforthepartys, ‘Gasmii! Praise Jesus there was no new episode last week, I was in waaaay too much horrible debilitating pain (and clouded by waaaay too many drugs) to make sense of a fucking Bullwinkle cartoon, much less a complex reality TV show (and let’s not even talk about how much fun it was trying [...]

This week on So You Think You Can Dance (dance……………..dance) we FINALLY get to Vegas. But first! One more stop on the audition tour: Salt Lake City. Cat tells us that the talent so far has been bigger and better than ever before. As we are told every single season. Except for season one. Obviously. [...]