POSTS TAGGED: spoof

No one can tear their eyes away. This week on Models of the Runway nothing much happens. Shocking, I know.

Tonight, on Survivor: I’M NOT WATCHING LYDIA AND NATALIE ANYMORE! YESSSS! Also, some attention-loving jerk burns a few things.

Greetings, Gasmii! We’re back for yet another season of The Biggest Loser! This is my first time watching the series, and I couldn’t be more delighted. Already these folks are the biggest thing in my life. Join me as we embark on the two hour premiere!

Hi Gasmii– It’s another action-crammed episode of RHOA, with special emphasis on how selfish Kim is, how talented Kandi is, and how insecure NeNe is. There’s blood, sweat and tears. There’s a pop song hook that gets stuck in your brain and keeps repeating itself when you’re trying to write your Melrose Place blog for [...]

Welcome back boys and girls (and anyone undecided)! This may come as a complete shock to some of you, but I actually grew up and became a very experienced outdoor camper in the wilds of Minnesorta… as a member of the Boy Scouts Of America. Yeah, I actually learned orienteering by the stars, how to [...]

This week on 90210, Matthews takes the hobo chic look to a new level, Liam gets more than one line and Annie has a real crappy first week of school. In other news, Jen still needs chapstick. Come on, Jen. Everybody’s doing it!

Howdy there folks. Yeah yeah I know its been a little long for this recap. But since Hell’s Kitchen didn’t come on this week due to the giant Big Brother EXTRAVAGANZA, I figured I’d hold off and then it wouldn’t seem so long in between Hell’s episodes. Let’s check in on our chefabes and get [...]

This week on Project Runway, the LA Times finally proves itself useful. If an adjective’s under four syllables, he’s not using it tonight.

Not again! and Britney thinks she’s got it rough, damn paparazzi! Howdy! This week we have a Chance of Love Double Feature. In the first episode we have “The Hunt for Big Foot” In this show the stallionaires send the women on a hunt for Bigfoot or Yeti or Chewbacca depending on who you believe. [...]

Hey Gasmi, well this is it, the season finale of True Blood. We’re coming down to the wire and we could spend a lot of time going over whether Maryann can be stopped from doing, well what ever the hell she’s doing, whether Jason and Andy are America’s new cutest couple, whether Jess and Hoyt [...]

Tonight is the night! WHO WILL WIN?? The twit, the flit, or the shit? Find out, on this special two hour tag team recap of Big Brother 11! Give you a hint. This guy? Loses.

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras brings us back to the heart of our country, West Virginia for the YEEE-HAAA! Outlaws Pageant, sponsored by Taze-Her, the only taser made specifically for pageant competitors, a Trump Product. And guess who’s coming to dinner? Debbie Moss, grandmother of Kailee with two E’s from a couple of episodes ago, [...]

Every year we get together here at TVgasm and predict which new Fall shows will last through the season and which will tank. It’s mostly just an excuse to rag on TV we haven’t seen yet and to hang out together. Join us, won’t you?

Moments before… Kojii and Valerie sit backstage biting their nails to the nub because their misguided senses of fashion have landed their designers in the bottom two. This week the designers had to make outfits for their Models of the Runway to wear to an “industry function” and their instructions were to listen to what [...]

Hi again foodie fans! While I was in Las Vegas last week a good friend of mine convinced me and the BF to travel with him to Chinatown there (no, I didn’t know Vegas had a Chinatown, either) and we had lunch at an odd little place that was kind of in the middle of [...]

Hola Gasmii– I’m your recap artist, Leia LaBiblia. First off, I’m sorry about the lack of jokes on the screen-caps. I just wanted to introduce all the characters this time. Secondly, allow me to confess to never having seen one episode of the first Melrose Place. So I come to this juicy-looking new CW project [...]

Hola! Bienvenido! Eh, that’s all I got. Here’s the Real World, last day in Cancun! Could you be more specific?

She does get all woebegone. Rome wasn’t built in a day, folks. Here is the recap: Knuckle sucking, hula dancing, prosciutto regurgitating and dolphin spit. Ta Dah! Done. I wish. Throw in some smoking, drinking and lesbian back talk and you have the makings of a real party, only it wasn’t. That is correct, somehow [...]

Just as I finally got the stench of season 1 off of me, they…pull…me…back…in! Mones here and I’m back…with a vengeance. It’s been a quiet, relaxing summer hiatus full of LOST re-runs, movie matinees and karaoke. It wasn’t until about 5 minutes before the show started that I began to care wonder what the new [...]

So I’m watching this week’s episode of Flipping Out and I’m all “Shawn is totally the tiki doll.” You know the episode of The Brady Bunch where the family goes to Hawaii and the boys find a tiki doll and it brings them all sorts of bad luck? Greg almost drowns, Peter almost gets bitten [...]

Operation Desperation This week, Hawaii and shitty tans! The remaining three ladies go on big ‘ol dates like ATVing (and no, it Isn’t MALISSA!), snorkeling and horsebackriding. Nah, just kidding! They ride dolphins instead. Yeah, I know, PETA, are you reading? Well, you should be. Only two women can move on to meet Lucky Luke’s [...]

Hey there everybody! I’m only one day back from Vegas and I miss it already! I can’t tell you what it was like to spend five days in the company of 799 other fat gay men except to say that I felt positively svelte when laying out by the hotel pool and watching some of [...]

Back for more, are ya? After last week’s total and complete El Niño shitstorm of comments, we need to make a fresh start this week. Let’s agree to disagree: Some people believe that pageants are cost-effective hobbies that are enjoyable for the entire family, while others believe the machinery of pageantry is oiled with the [...]

“I don’t know how to carry on!” This week on Models of the Runway, the girls are so bored that they start inventing drama in their heads – just to stay busy. And thinking creatively isn’t exactly their strong point.

Hello my lovies. This week on Hell’s Kitchen someone will be sent home. Amazingly like last week. Also I will be writing this while I have company over so if things don’t make sense, blame them and or Jack Daniels. Seriously, when Jack Daniels gets involved that shit is a whole lot scarier!

Well we are coming down to the wire on this season of True Blood and the last episode did not disappoint in moving the story forward. So make the jump and let’s talk about the things that need to be talked about. Like vampire pool parties, is eating an egg you laid yourself while you [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, we can an extra big helping of Natalie. Mmmmmmmmm. With special guest: the most desperate shlub in the world:

It’s week 3 at the Casa de Tramps and we have 15 women still in the running to mount the stallionaires and ride off into the sunset, or at least Sunset Boulevard where they can earn a living. This week we see Blonde Baller, you remember her the “athlete” of the bunch right??? She is [...]

Tonight, on Big Brother: Jeff finally gets some booger. Sort of.

This week on Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, it’s AUDITIONGASM!! Throughout the next few days, we’ll be posting all of the Round One submissions. Please read the four recaps, vote for your favorites, and leave comments to guide your possible future recappers in the direction you’d like to see them go. Remember, this is your [...]

This week on Flipping Out, Rachel SUCKS. So much. And I hate her. I hate her because she has no sense of humor and no sense of how to play Jeff’s games. It’s so easy, no? All week Bravo has been teasing me with clips of someone quitting and I pray to all reality television [...]

And he acts like he likes it! Also, where was the mother of all beat downs on Sullen? They lied! Eh, maybe it’s next week, I don’t know. What I do know is that they barely showed Conch Guy so I went back and trolled for some screen grabs from the first episode. Here he [...]

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is the “Beautiful Dolls” pageant in Lafayette, North Carolina and Gasmii, the crazy is BACK! We open this episode with Pageant Director Britney Barlow, a dead-ringer for brunette and bobbed Jodie Foster, telling us she started the pageant so that every child could leave the pageant “feeling like a winner.” [...]

“People just have no idea what this takes.” Moments before… Malvin’s black onesie covered with a white sling for an already-born-baby is OUT. Turns out pregnant women, or at least pregnant Rebecca Romijn, aren’t interested in wearing around a baby sling before they actually have a baby. Nor, apparently, are they interested in dressing their [...]

Hello peeplets! Last week on Hell’s Kitchen McByPass went to the hospital, Gordon and WhoopiG had foreplay, both teams sucked ass and Jim was sent packing. Lets see what the chefabes are up to this week! Let’s just say Ima call him Mr. Ram from now on.

Dearest Gasmii– It’s too damn hot out to waste time with an opening monologue from your recap artist. Besides, let’s face it, there’s very little going on this season. I would prefer they’d have made the entire thing about Sheree terrorizing everyone en route to her long-unawaited fashion show. Although I do love Kim slowly [...]

Tonight on Project Runway, Yoko makes eggs and Nina smiles too much. Bring back Nina!

What a bunch of whack jobs. We lose two girls this week but I want to start out on a high note- here’s that picture of the conch blowing hunk that I was promising you: It’s probably no accident that they hardly ever show the guy, he is waaay hotter than Antonio. I wonder if [...]

Here it is, kids. The last episode of this season (by which I mean, series). Are you sad? I know I am. Sad that this travesty has made it thus far AND that it’s done so well in the ratings. “Ass . . . so far . . . away . . . from hand [...]

I’ve officially started my countdown. Four days from today I will be in gorgeous Las Vegas, Nevada, most likely drunk off my ass and probably hazily wondering where my room key / cell phone / boyfriend / underwear has disappeared to, and that will be just fine with me, because that’s part of what Vegas [...]