POSTS TAGGED: spoof

We return to Casa De Tramps to see the girls following their morning routines. There are 16 women, some are exercising, some brushing their teeth with disinfectant and some are gathered around the bar drinking OJ or maybe screwdrivers. Just another average day with 16 women all vying for the attention of 2 men. Breakfast [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, white people and black people alike bow their heads in shame. I’ll give you a hint.

Poor Mr. Miyagi would be very disappointed in this week’s America’s Best Dance Crew. There is no painting of the fence. Nor is there any waxing on or waxing off (although Afroborike is certainly trying to get Shane to whack off). Girl who undo fly with chopstick accomplish anything. 

This week on Toddlers & Tiaras we shift gears (and coasts) to the California Gold Coast Pageant. Pageant Director Kim Colby is a director who FINALLY looks glam like a pageant director should. The pageant was started 35 years ago and just included babies and children, and as we’ll find out this year includes fetuses [...]

****This show wasn’t assigned, but then we watched it and had to have our say. Please welcome back Twunty McSlore with My Antonio!! Since Megan got canceled I am moving on to bigger and better things- a whole lot of chicks with a whole lot of issues, and all of them are dying to get [...]

Tonight on Project Runway All Stars, Jeffrey is forced to design for Drop Dead Diva!! KIDDING! But if LIfetime wanted to use its power for good, that’s what would have happened. She wouldn’t cry like Angela’s mom. She would snap your bony cracky ass in two.

Welcome to Season 3 of Flipping Out, Gasmii! For those of you who managed to avoid seasons one and two, join the club! Let’s learn about these madcap characters and laugh as they try to make a living in real estate in the worst economy we’ve seen in decades! By the way, I’m just coming [...]

Buenos Nachos, my fellow gastric gamblers! That there is a little Spanish that means “Good Doritos”. I just finished the recap for the Finale of Top Chef Masters literally minutes ago and here I am starting another one already. Needless to say I’m a tad punchy, which is the perfect frame of mind to be [...]

Keine so schön als Heidi, natürlich! (None as beautiful as Heidi, of course!) Welcome, beloved readers, to the latest installment of my life as a recapper. It is my extreme pleasure to be bringing you my thoughts and impressions on the spanking new companion piece to Project Runway, Models of the Runway! I am extremely [...]

Wow, what a week on True Blood. The episode starts with a bomb going off. Jess thinks about eating Hoyt’s mom. Eric cries like a little girl, Godric bursts into CGI flames, and Lafayette opens up the whoop ass can. So make the jump and let’s get to the good stuff. The new face of [...]

Tonight on Hell’s Kitchen Gordon makes the contestants do something awful, low cal cooking. WHAT? There’s a fight or two and looks like McByPass’ might just need a bypass. Let’s check in shall we? Prolly shouldn’t have had that last lard sammich.

Howdy Gasmii!! Welcome to the second season of Real Chance of Love. The brothers Real (Ahmad Givens) and Chance (Kamal Givens) do everything together and that includes finding the right person to love. So naturally they want to do it on TV. Meet the Stallionaires. On the left is Real (Ahmad) on the right is [...]

This week, on the season premier of Project Runway, Lifetime culls personalities from seasons past and does their best not to f up the best show on TV while Tim shows off his bottom teeth.

Greetings, ‘Gasmii! It’s taken ten weeks, but we’ve finally arrived at the Last Competitionâ„¢! I dunno about you guys, but I think this show was actually fairly successful in showing us a different facet of the whole Top Chef franchise. One without Scar! How is that even possible?… …Well, you start out by making a [...]

Here’s a quick lesson on cliffhangers: They’re used at the end of a show to keep you interested until the show returns whether that be next week or next season. If the show does not return, then you have what we call “loose ends” and one really pissed off recapper. Unless I see Andy Cohen [...]

This week on DITD: 6 more singles try to answer the age-old question: How much more of this crap can a recapper take? It’s the same old same-old, but this week the contestants look through each others’ cars to get a glimpse of his/her personality. Also, no one brings fruit to the DR! I know! [...]

Or, was taken, to be completely accurate, until his wife turned up dead. R.I.P. Mrs. Bacon. I am sooo sorry that you had to spend your last precious days with such a colossal pudwanker.

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is being hosted at the Bradley International Airport Sheridan hotel in Hartford, Connecticut, so you know it’s a quality event because they are offering fast getaway options. Cheryl Powers, this week’s pageant director and wallflower du episode, says that the “America’s Regal Gems” pageant is “my glitz pageant.” Stingy much? [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! Ding, dong the herpes is dead! Tonight, the star of the show is Jasmine!, her four feet of drama, …and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.

Tonight on Big Brother, Natalie tells America to suck it, Grodner shoves filler down our throats, and Kevin makes some of the most vile faces ever seen on a human being.

Hi everybody! I’m back from L.A., and I had a wonderful time there watching Flipit’s improvisational musical comedy performance as a pregnant teenager in Iowa named Andrea who has a pair of singing lesbian mothers and gets married to a sex-addicted abortion doctor that patronizes prostitutes. No, I’m not even kidding, just ask ChickBomb, she [...]

Damn y’all seems like just yesterday I was writing a Hell’s Kitchen Recap……anyhoo, this one involves our chefwannabes cooking for the Marine’s y’all! Semper Fi! Damn. That’s about a week too late.

This week, we get some stellar half naked Punisher moments. It almost makes having to look at Pervy’s questionable clothing choices bearable. That Dirty Sanchez birthmark isn’t looking so bad anymore, now is it?

Welcome to season four of America’s Best Dance Crew! For those of you new to the dance crew experience, it’s sort of like So You Think You Can Dance, but instead of dancing in random pairs, people dance in groups. Not “randomly” assigned groups, they were in these groups before they came on the show. [...]

Or the Golden Cooter. Or whatever Lina is stashing between her legs. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we’re down to the last episode before the finale of this lovable little trainwreck. After enduring four weeks of little more than nothing, I’m excited to report that this week . . . [...]

This week on DITD: Same old stuff. Although the contestants get to see each other’s houses on video, leading one girl to reveal her deepest, darkest, stupidest secret. Other than that, nothing’s changed. Well, maybe my tolerance level for this show, which is on a downward spiral. Before we get underway, I just want to [...]

Hi Gasmi, well another week, another great episode of True Blood, but I can’t help noticing something has been missing from this show, the very special episodes. Sure we get to see people get cable neeked and vampires chomping on people, but where is the very special episode where the kids learn a valuable lesson [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: What came first, the chicken or the really lame egg competition?

Last time on Hell’s Kitchen, no one was sent home due to Jarhead’s psycho meltdown. This logic escapes Lovely however since she thinks it’s just because Chef has a thang for her. Man I love delusional people. He also loves Mr. Bean, don’t mean he wants him to run his restaurant.

In the words of my hero Stewie Griffith, dammit to the bowels of bottomless hell! I don’t like recapping pageants that happen in West Virginia. Those people are usually really nice and not crazy at all, which makes it harder to make fun of them. Not impossible, just harder. Seriously, YOU’RE in charge of a [...]

Hi again, ‘Gasmii. As you may well remember, I was on vacation in Kentucky at a drag queen pageant for about a week, and one of the things that I love about taking vacations is the fact that I can eat whatever I want. Then again, I pretty much eat whatever I want when I’m [...]

****Please welcome Cherie to Big Brother!! Before we get started I know you guys want to know. How the hell did I get to recap an episode of Big Brother? Well now that’s just between, me, Flipit and the pictures I have of him with Richard Simmons. On to the show!

Contrary to what Cat said last week, THIS is the most important performance show of the competition. The dancers will show us why they are the top four, and their performances will help us decide who our favorites are. The judges will remain impartial, praising and critiquing everyone as fairly as possible. After all, they [...]

When people cry it means they care, or they are chopping onions, or got kicked in the nuts, but usually it means they care. It works the same way for vampires only they cry blood and this week on True Blood there was so much vampire caring going on that it was like being around [...]

Helloooooo ‘Gasmii, it’s so good to be back home again. I’m so sorry about the delay in getting this posted, I’ve spent the last several days surrounded by dozens of drag queens competing with one another to see who can mutilate Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” choreography in the worst possible way and now I fully understand [...]

This week our spoiled brats reveal their true colors. Sebastian throws a party, PC throws a party, Camille tours Harvard with Kelli, Jessie attends a meeting about her upcoming charity event and Taylor goes to a candy store. Aww youth!!! Remember your first jaeger bomb? No? that’s ok, most of these kids don’t remember much [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, for the first time ever, a fart had a say in the final vote and a spatula gave someone some very bad advice. Yay! You hate me! You really hate me! I win!

So, Megan got her own show proving that VH1 hates us. They hate you, they hate me, they hate our sanity. Case in point:     Life sucks. This chick with a face only a frying pan could love gets to receive gifts galore, take exotic vacations on someone else’s dime and pour Chardonnay down her throat [...]

Not that it demonstrates any sort of psychic ability on my part since it was kind of obvious but I’m pleased to report that I was right. Lina’s pregnancy is no more. Or never was. Or might have been but isn’t now. I’m still in the ‘never was’ camp but we’ll have to wait until [...]

Tonight on DIDT: There’s drama in the house as all three girls fall for the same guy! And yet, with all that drama, ABC still can’t stop this suck-train from sucking along on the suckiest tracks in Sucktown. “I’m sorry. You’re a little shorter and thicker than the girls I normally go for.”