POSTS TAGGED: spoof

“Pageants can be very addictive. Once you start winning, there’s no turning back,” says one mother on this episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Just like meth! We begin this episode deep in the heart of one of my favorite states, TEXAS! Hey, any place that has such a high regard for guns and the death [...]

On tonight’s episode of The Hills, Stephanie gives the worst interview of all time (and yes, that’s counting Heidi’s interview at Fit’Em), LC proves she actually DOES have the capacity to forgive (or the devilish capacity to set someone up for utter failure), and Heidi does something we never thought she’d do. Unfortunately, it doesn’t [...]

Topher uncovers a spy, one character shoots another character, there is sword fight, someone gets “boxed,” and the show gets all Kurosawa on your asses.

Make me a supertease This week on Bravo’s MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL, the models do a weird, netty underwater shoot. Salome overcomes her fear of the water (thanks, Mennonite parents!) and Branden gets cockier than ever when faced with not having the best photo. The go-see is for People’s Revolution, and Salome is also stifling [...]

¡Buenos Nachos, mijas y mijos! Can you believe we’re halfway done with this cycle already? If you’ve been actually watching the show, I’m sure you’ve had a few moments here and there where you had to wonder to yourself “What in the blue fuck just happened? That shit made no sense!” (and like me, you [...]

The week on Lost, Widmore tells some dead baby jokes, Locke follows his newly attained internal GPS, Desmond goes SMASH, and Ben goes for a visit in the Temple of Doom.

This week on I Love Money 2, Buckwild and Saaphyri prove that reality contestants should totally receive Emmy nominations. Who can ham it up better than those bitches?

Dear Gasmi, Like a good little Easter Bunny, Bravo delivered a special holiday treat this week. The preview for the Housewives of New Jersey. Woohoo!! These women are in a class all their own. There’s a few things I want you to take care for me. What should I call them; problems! I Want you [...]

****Please welcome your newest recapper, Natalie D with Gossip Girl! This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny prefers salty chili over sweet 16, Nate and Vanessa swap partners, and Blair is still a bitch.

So we’re down to the final six in Hell’s Kitchen. What will this week bring us? Incredible teamwork? Amazing food? Or incompetence and whining?  Join me after the jump to find out. It’s a hot time in Hell tonight.

Hello there my sweeties. Here I am again to torture you with another episode of the Krappers. I swear this hurts me more than it does you so let’s get right to Keeping Up With The Kardashians!

Dear Gasmi, This week Bravo takes a step toward becoming a fabulous new kind of QVC channel. Only $29.99 if you call in the next ten minutes, and we’ll throw the vase in for free. I’m definitely recommending lots of alcohol for this episode. It’s a lot more fun to watch people behaving badly, when [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Reunion! Maria Menounous is our host, because she’s a huge fan she tells us. Oh, nice that someone is. Or was at least paid enough to say it convincingly. She intros the roomies. Nothing new to report, except Sarah has a really cute new haircut with bangs, and Baya’s [...]

   Lay your money down, Gasmii! It’s the 17th hour of 24 Season 7 and things are about to get bohemian up on our asses! We’re talking drugs, sex, manipulation, and deals with the devil Hodges! It’s all recapped for you…follow the tambourine after the JUMP!

Welcome back all you Diva-Dolls (and for you guys, I guess, Divo-Action-Figures)! Now that my ears have stopped ringing from all the screaming that went on in last week’s episode, I wonder if this week will find the girls being a little more tolerant of one another’s (admittedly lackluster) personalities? I think I will consult [...]

Forward to 65 people or you don’t know what funny is. This week on Celebrity Apprentice we learn that there is not an original idea to be found anywhere in Trump Tower. We also learn that “viral” is apparently synonymous with “midget.” Oh also, The Donald pretends to take a moral stand. Join me, won’t [...]

It’s the season finale of Damages, and all mysteries will be revealed… We finally learn who shot J.R.! (It was ELLEN, in the broom closet, with the revolver.)

Normally when I write my recaps of Making the Band, I watch it online as I type along. And usually the online running time — sans commercials — is somewhere between 43 and 47 minutes. But this week it registered at a mere 38 minutes. Perhaps MTV heard my plea of shortening the show to [...]

Ahoy hoy Gasmii! Welcome back for another action-packed, talent-deficient ep of 90210. I have to say, this was the hardest ep to recap to date. Lots of crazy talk. Lots of quick cuts and edits. It’s almost like the director knew he was a hack and was trying way too hard to seem like he [...]

We’re down to the final 3 tonight; Danger, Unique and Cocktail. Unfortunately Ray is saddened by Chardonnay’s departure and mourns the fact that he just sent her home. First of all, she’s probably in the bedroom packing her clothes so get over it. Secondly, can we just never speak of that red bra wearing tranny [...]

Tink flys down from Heaven and tells us that the contestants have a dream, and “the life of that dream” is in our hands. CRUUUUUUUNCH! YAYYYYYY. Dream killing time! That’s power! And THIS. Is American Idol! This is the same camera trick Tom Cruise used in War of the Worlds to look taller than Dakota [...]

Happy spring, my young chickies! Did you spend a long, bitterly cold winter missing the vicarious sunshine of Los Angeles, Lauren Conrad and her comrades? Neither did I. More importantly, did you miss me? Luckily, this week’s double-episode season premiere featured partial makeups, partial breakups, and an inexplicable overabundance of blow-up doll impressions by our [...]

First of all, I apologize for the delay in last week’s I Love Money 2 recap! In the vein of both VH1 and being a North Carolinian, I’ve spent the last two weeks in an NCAA-induced haze. I’m fairly sure that’s why the I Love Money cast is always so disoriented; basketball, never booze! In [...]

Daddy Like. This week on Make me a Supermodel, it’s all about passion. Threesome photo shoots make me TINGLY. The models contend with their own insecurities while in cute sailor suits, and the catwalk stresses a sort of ham-fisted role reversal….where the girls wear power suits and the guys wear skirts. And yeah, I still [...]

Hello my lovies! Sorry again for the lateness but it turns out the world doesn’t just revolve around me and sometimes I have to help others. *shudders* So since I was awakened by said “other” about 3 hours after finally going to sleep I figured I might as well jump on into Bad Girls Club!

This week on Lost, Kate attempts some thrilling heroics, Jack accepts his fate, Hurley’s hand disappears, and Ben goes to temple.

The Conner familia reunites, a robot’s daughter gets abducted, a different robot fights another robot, and yet another robot searches for his sinister robot brother. Oh yeah, and a main character dies!

Warning! This recap has been rated AA (Anti-Andrea). You may want to skip reading this recap if you are Andrea, are related to Andrea, or for some unknown reason, LIKE Andrea. If the latter applies to you, you may also want to seek psychiatric help. Thank you. On with the recap! This week on Hell’s [...]

Welcome back onboard the Rock of Love Bus! Let me Clorox the bus for you sweeties, and then we’re back on the road! Fix those shorts. Wouldn’t wanna look like a slut or anything.

What’s up little darlin’s? Let’s talk for a moment about mistakes. We’ve all made ‘em (my hair and fashion choices that routinely got my ass kicked in the ’80s is a prime example) and hopefully we’ve all learned from them. It’s a semi-rare person that willfully does something incredibly stupid that doesn’t feel remorse or [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Dave’s plan to get back at Mike finally comes to fruition; Gabby whines about sex and money for the 18th time in 2 episodes; Bree thinks about selling her company to stop Orson from being the biggest baby ever; Lynette doesn’t do much; and Susan runs into Karl and his [...]

This week’s American Idol Results show is probably the best ever taped. The End.

   Wow…interesting PR shot, Ashton. Personally, I think it screams “Pork’d” more than “Punk’d”…but whatevs! Greetings Gasmii! This week on ’24′, everyone gets Punk’d! Jack has to get naked in the middle of a street. Olivia finds out that job she sought is tougher than imagined. And Tony has the mother of all pranks pulled [...]

Dear Gasmi, This week must have been a series of headline induced orgasmic moments for Andy Cohen. Every day another housewife imploded on the horizon. Over in Orange County, more Slade/Gretchen pictures were popping up and, not to be outdone, Crack Ho Vicki announced that she’d been receiving death threats. Who’d have thunk it? Meanwhile, [...]

“That’s S-H-E-E-T, Princess.” Welcome back to another round of Celebrity Apprentice! Fresh off of last week’s ego trip, the teams buckle down to participate for a minute in the service industry. Let’s see how they do!

Hi everyone! This “week’s” Grey’s Anatomy is ridiculously late, and for that I am very sorry. I was out of the country and missed the episode so now I’m playing catch up. Interestingly enough, in this episode a lot happens, but we are spared from too many dumb sub-stories and stick to the people we [...]

This week on Making the Band, Que obviously has a drug problem, and no one will blatantly say it. But TVgasm will! I just want to be a dancer!

The Lie Detector Episode. Need I say more? Every great television show has a lie detector episode. Richard Bey,Jenny Jones, Roseanne, The Jeffersons, The Simpsons and now For the Love of Ray J. All of these shows are also scripted. I will not let that dampen my excitement for this episode, especially since I have [...]

Welcome my dear Gasmii to Episode 5 of the Little Miss Perfect Show. This show is so exciting. Just a few days ago, Chelsey Handler mentioned that she thinks our very own Michael Galanes has the goods to replace Ryan on American Idol!!! No kidding and we thought he was just the Queen of the [...]

Yay. Another episode of the Krapdasians. I cannot express to you how thrilled I am right now. But more about my traumas later, let’s start Keeping Up With The Kardashians!