POSTS TAGGED: spoof

This week on Top Chef, Ariane’s a weenie. No, we don’t deserve you. Please shut your pie hole, lady.

Dear Gasmii, This week not only do we get to learn about Hugger John’s personal boundaries, we also get to see a real fight!! Finally, a toe-to-toe face ‘em and slug ‘em fight!! Well, at least until the fighters hit the ground, then not so much. Look ma, turtles can fight, too! You think I’m [...]

This week is all about truth. Truth for me usually meant an ass whooping when I was a kid. I never got money. “Just tell us the truth and we won’t be mad”. Liars! I told the truth and not only did my parents get mad, they got the fly swatter, belt, shoe whatever was [...]

Let’s just rename this show now: Dick Up Artist, anyone? This was the freeze frame we settled on to leave on the TV after the Pick Up Artist viewing party last Sunday, which means it’s no longer debatable: This is the gayest hour on television, people. Look at this love, this satisfaction. It’s a moving [...]

Aaaaah you guys! Semi-finals! Really, what they mean is, it’s the second to last week! Ayii! Exclamation point! In case you’ve been brain dead all season, the remaining couples are the powerhouse Brooke Burke and Derek, “rebels” Lance Bass and Lacey, spastic Cody Linley and Julianne (she’s back!) and my personal fave, Warren Sapp and [...]

This week on House: independence, metaphors and parallel plots, oh my. Which doctor is going to have an identity crisis, and does House like Cuddy more than he hates humanity in general? Better yet, will we see the return of Lucas? Follow the Jersey Turnpike, we’re off to see the Wizard of Princeton. I could [...]

This week on Girls Next Door we are blessed with part two of the two-part nationwide search for a 55th Anniversary Playmate, which brings even more skankified blondeness than part one. Not the least of which is the slightly (OK, totally) incestuous identical skankified blondeness crazyness! But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Hey, combining [...]

This week on Heroes,

This week on Charm School, the girls give back to the community by starring in PSAs. Seriously. This is your brain on Charm School.

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, Lynette finds out about Porter’s little accident; Julie comes back and Susan’s not so happy with her new boyfriend; Bree acts perfect; Ms. Hildebrand can’t take a hint. And fire! Fire! Either that, or Dave’s gonna do some magic.

“God, I’m exhausted of this nonsense.” This week’s episode of The Hills seemed like it should have aired two episodes ago, was fraught with truly awful vocal overdubs and even more plot-driving reaction shots than usual. A blonde trifecta is finally wedged into place at Casa deLC and some bullshit happens between the Aryan twins. [...]

Ah, Gasmii, don’t you just love technology? Especially the kind of technology that makes your computer crap out on you during the best, most interesting, most exciting (read: boozy) episode of ANTM this season? My apologies, kiddos. I’m gonna keep this week’s ep to a wee-cap because really, do you need me to hammer home [...]

All right guys, sorry I’m a little late on this recap. I was sleeping. No I wasn’t. I’m confusing myself with Gary Busey. I’ve got to stop doing that. Episode three led off with Busey not being able to get up for group session. Keep in mind, this is a man who has no job, [...]

Dear Crabby: What one accessory does every girl need to have? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: A Red-Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time. Ha! Just kidding. A semi-automatic with armor-piercing bullets, you know, for hunting.* *Hey folks – just as [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, morning dawns with Izzie and Alex cuddled in bed. Izzie leaves Alex to sneak out and smell a sweater. So apparently Katherine Heigl is still being punished for the Emmy stuff. Across town, Torres smells the empty pillow next to her. Grey and McD test out the new human alarm [...]

This week on Heroes, we find out that Meredith was the most boring character even a year before all this started, Sylar used to read a lot of books and liked musicals, and that Mama Petrelli was, for a short time, a strong black woman. Dontchoo make me whoop yo ass, boy!

This week, Top Chef is baaaaaack! Finally, lesbian prisoners are given a shot!

Dear Gasmii, This week’s episode brings to light such challenging questions as why such a major douchebag as Frank Mir is even tolerated in life? Why isn’t Dave Kaplan confined to a safely padded room? And, when is this show going to come out of the closet? Fab Fighters coming to Bravo soon. Okay, so [...]

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s been a long 2 weeks with no House. It seems the country had better things to last Tuesday night. Not that an election night recap, especially if you were watching Fox, wouldn’t have been interesting. I was watching NBC myself, but by the 15th time they showed [...]

This week’s episode starts off with 50 on the rooftop. Where else would he be? He tells us that his life sucked ass growing up but he never let it stop him. One man’s abandoned building could be another man’s resort. Sorry 50 but that abandoned building called Camp Curtis ain’t no man’s resort. It’s [...]

This week’s Grey’s Anatomy hosts more dead people than Turner Classic Movies. The episode kicks off with Meredith, who is up late gabbing on the phone with her best gal pal about American Idol and Ryan Gosling. Her gal pal Yang keeps interrupting to discuss crazy dead mom’s journals. Apparently they are chocked full of [...]

Ding dong the Looch is gone! As I’m sure you can imagine, I’m thrilled. Everyone left is pretty good, huh? This should be an awesome show! Everyone has to do two dances ’cause things are getting INTENSE! While it’s basically Brooke’s trophy to lose, I think one bad week could knock her off at this [...]

Feels so right when we hug real tight. EEEeeeeeEEE! That’s me making dolphin noises I’m so excited that it’s that time again. Pick-up Artist time! Since I last spoke with you all I went to my hometown of Atlanta, unsuccessfully stalked the Housewives and lined up a party this weekend with Mystery and cast. It’s [...]

Hello everybody! I am soooo super-apologizing for the lateness of this recap, I was in Las Vegas this weekend with my sister and my “little” brother as we celebrated his 30th birthday (and by “celebrated” I mean “got intoxicated” and “ate insanely expensive meals” and “played our favorite people-watching game ‘Real Prostitute Or Just Super-Slutty [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives, tension builds in the Scavo house as Tom and Lynette find out about Porter’s liaison, Mrs. Hildebrand tries to buy the Solis’ love, Susan finds out Jackson has a hidden “talent,”, Bree and Orson get down and dirty, and Lynette totally beats the shit out of someone. Why are you [...]

Tonight on “The Hills,” we FINALLY get a blessed break from the frustratingly endless Blahdrina drama (Blahdrama?) as well as a sneak peek into the freaky Aussie fetish of one Whitney Port, who finds a male model just not hot enough and ditches him for a superhumanly hot musician. I mean, really, why settle? Plus, [...]

Dear Crabby: What is the one kind of guy every girl has to get over at least once in her life? Dear Couch: Sensitive new-age rocker-wannabe guy with guitar. Trust me, one day you’ll have given your personal chef the night off and rocker wannabe will be the pizza delivery guy. But, you know, “The [...]

This week on ANTM, we get to hear a lot of words like “stiff” and “rigid” but unfortunately, they aren’t being used to describe a Mr. Nigel Barker… “I forget, this week, am I into guys, girls, or “stiff and rigid” battery-powered devices?”

This week on Stylista, drama continues as whiney Kate gets even whinier. In fact, she’s almost over-taking Megan as the show’s most annoying character. Meanwhile, Anne Slowey introduces her Mini Me. A cardigan AND a string of pearls!? Must be a Golden Girl in training.

This week on Survivor: Crystal is surprisingly not terrible. I know!

This week, there was big news about our Real Housewives of Atlanta, or specifically, our NeNe. NeNe got the big plug from Anderson Cooper on the Ellen show! I never watch the Ellen show, but for some reason, I happened to be watching on election day, and when Anderson started in on that, “Honey, I [...]

***Please welcome our newest recapper, miss CHERIE! 50 cent is giving fourteen would be entrepreneurs a chance at $100,000.00 from his own bullet riddled pocket. All they have to do is survive 9 gunshot wounds and a stabbing or two. Ok not really. They have to compete against each other and prove they have what [...]

Dear Gasmii, This week, it is fully confirmed that our fighters have failed to grasp the fundamental reasons behind the separation of kitchen and bathroom. Seriously, how limited do you have to be to grasp the concept that what goes into a body should not get mixed up with what comes out of a body? [...]

“Do I look like I give a shit?” Monday night, while the world was busy fretting up a storm over the Presidential Election, MTV hatched an evil-genius plan to sedate, confuse and stupefy any and all viewers who happened upon the channel. Distracted by shiny fake tans and retarded storylines crafted by a production intern, [...]

What. The. Fuck. Seriously, what the fuck? ‘Nuff said. This picture says the rest. Now let’s get the hell into it….

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the behind the scenes drama was much more shocking and unpredictable than the actual on-screen drama. To catch everyone up, this past week ABC fired Brooke Smith, the actress who plays Erica Hahn, and this week’s episode will be her final show. They are blaming this on the lack of [...]

Episode two leads off with process group. I was surprised that only one member was going through serious withdrawal (Nikki McKibben). Apparently the detox process really varies from person to person and substance to substance when it comes to both onset and duration. Some people start getting sick right away, while others have a lag [...]

This week, ANTM flits over to Europe. Which obviously means lots and lots of nudity. Unfortunately, Nigel stays dressed while Mizz Jay’s the one to disrobe. Twice. P-Dubs: “Ahhhh, so Isis DID teach you a thing or two!”

Dear Crabby: What is life? Dear Couch: Tico, a.k.a. the Rambutan! No, really, check it on Wikipedia. AFTER your read my recap, the other TVgasm recaps, all the TVGasm news, and all of the TVGasm forum threads. TVGasm is life! (thus ends my sucking up for the week) Seriously, don’t eat those, Ms. Size Not [...]

What are we, chopped liver? I know, I know. A week without me. And we’re already down to the final six! Are we really picking them off this quickly? I feel like we were just getting started on crazy adventure to find lust (with girls) and love (with men). This week the men attempt to [...]